Author: Katrin Roanne Licas

"From the moment a soul has the grace to know God, she must seek." - Blessed Mother Teresa

Abide in My love

It has been very difficult to rest. It has been very difficult to sit still and to be silent, knowing that there are many other things still left to be done.

With the busyness of RYC preparations and other commitments, it was very easy for me to forget why I was serving in the first place. It was very easy to become impatient and to become very anxious.

Praise God that I was able to take part in the recollection, for Pacific’s upcoming Regional Youth Conference. An evening intended to prepare the hearts of the many youths and couple coordinators, who will be serving in His vineyard this weekend. An evening to recollect, relax and dwell in the presence of the Lord. With Him and for Him.

As I reflected more on yesterday’s gospel (John 15:9-17) and the theme for this year’s RYC (Matthew 7:7), the Lord revealed to me that, His love will always remain even if we forget Him amidst all of the busyness that surround us.

Coming into RYC, the Lord reminds me that in order to find peace and rest, I need to be still, remain in His love and continue seeking Him in all things.

Our lady of Guadalupe, Star of the New Evangelization, pray for us!
St. John Bosco, patron saint of youth, pray for us!

Ad Maiorem Dei gloriam!

Humble, humble Jesus

During my transit ride this morning, Humble by Audrey Assad came on. And I could not help but be drawn to this part of the song,

Humble in sorrow, You gladly carried Your cross
Never refusing Your life to the weakest of us
Not too proud to bear our sin
To feel this brokenness we’re in
Humble, humble Jesus

Various thoughts, experiences and conversations had suddenly come to mind. The thoughts of pain, suffering and being hurt specifically came to mind.

I had a conversation with a couple of sisters some days ago and we talked about how good and loving the Lord was and is in everything.  We were sharing about our experiences and feelings towards various things. And eventually, we started talking about the matters of the heart. In some parts of our sharing, I was left with a question that my heart could not fully understand.

Where is the Lord when we’re hurting?

Earlier this evening, while going through my book case looking for something to read, I stumbled upon a book I received a while back. Very ironic if I do say so myself. It was a book titled, Where is God when it hurts? by Philip Yancey. Sad to say that I have not read the book fully. So it is definitely in my reading list for the summer. Maybe If I had finished the book, I could have understood the question that lingered in my thoughts? Most probably. Maybe? Lol!

As I skimmed through the book, this caught my attention,
“Think too of all who suffer as if you shared their pain.” – Hebrews 13:3 (NIV)

I kept wondering why the Lord had kept revealing to me words of suffering and pain. In this one most specifically, in sharing of others pain.

Then thoughts of past experiences of being in heart breaking situations came to mind again. I kept wondering, and kept asking myself why He had wanted me to remember all the pain that I had been wanting to forget. And still, I could not understand why. As I was pondering more on the song, this part stood out.

Not too proud to dwell with us, to live in us, to die for us.

The conversation that I had with the sisters came to mind again. I remembered someone had said that when we are hurt and feel so much pain, Jesus is hurt and feels the pain as well. When we cry, He cries. The pain we feel is the exact same pain that Jesus feels. If not, even more.

The Lord is all powerful, all knowing and almighty. So why would He allow Himself to experience our hurt and our struggles? Why would He, Himself, the King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, the Alpha and the Omega lower Himself to our level?

As the song kept playing, I kept remembering all of the times that I had been hurting. But I had also remembered being joyful, laughing and smiling afterwards. You see, It was not the pain that He had been wanting me to remember, but rather, what I had experienced after because of Him.

He had wanted me to see beyond all of the pain that was buried deep in my heart. During those times in where I had been feeling these certain ways, I remember always turning to the Lord for comfort. I felt like a little child sitting on the Fathers lap. Carrying me as if He were holding a delicate flower. With ears focused on my voice, and eyes full of love. He was there, waiting for me to speak to Him. Even when I became angry and frustrated at Him for allowing me to experience the hurt, He was still there. And even though He already knew what was in my heart, He was more than willing to listen, but more so, He was waiting for me to find my comfort in Him.

No doubt, the Lord knew that I needed Him the most. And He did every possible way to break me so that I would always continue running to Him. The Lord had wanted me to know that, in my struggling times, He was the One I was to run to and no one else. He was sharing in my pain because He did not want me to go through it alone. He carried me while carrying my cross. My cross was His cross.

“Sometimes, the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.”
– Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

The Lord is all powerful, all knowing, and almighty. He does not need to hurt but, He does because He loves us. He is not proud. And He most certainly does not boast in His power. He lowers himself to be with us because He loves us.

Simple as that. Because He loves us.

“We love because He first loved us.”
– 1 John 4:19

Gracious God

“My child, trust in My heart. I will not lead you astray.”

Most of the time I become very selfish. I start to think about my own desires and my own pleasures that I forget about the Lord. I start making my own plans and I eventually start getting carried away with all of my thoughts and imaginations. I forget about all of the wonderful plans that He has just for me. And although I do not know His plans, I can only trust and have faith that the Lord has every good intention for my well-being.

Many times we forget that in order to desire what is true, good and beautiful, we must desire for the Lord. We must always keep close to His heart.

Despite my stubborn and selfish ways, the Lord continues to assure me that He wants nothing but the absolute best for me. My God is a gracious God. And He will take my desires into consideration so long as it aligns with His will.

Lord, only you know my heart. May I always desire what you desire . And may these desires always lead me to you.

He just knows

“My Child, do not settle for comfort. Let me help you to grow in your weakness.”

I definitely never expected to be this far into my service. High School Based was never really in my discernment after becoming Chapter Head. The Lord definitely knew where I needed to grow in the most. He literally took me out of my comfort zone and placed me where I least expected it.

I remember I was very restless one night because I kept thinking about the Lord’s decision. In my prayers, all I could do was complain of how much I hated school and how much I hated studying even more. For a good week or two, the questions of, “High School Based? Really Lord? Is that the best you could do? Was that really the only option for me?” constantly filled the thoughts in my head. Eventually, I had said yes out of obedience. Although I had said yes, I had felt like my yes meant nothing because I was not happy. I felt like the Lord gave me the last pick of the batch. The area that no one wanted.

I was constantly asking the Lord and questioning His every intention of my purpose in High School Based. I kept asking Him if this was really where I was meant to be. I was afraid and kept doubting myself for the fear of not being able to excel in my studies. Here I was, a student that had settled for mediocrity throughout high school. A student that had failed her first year of post secondary. And yet, He had still called me? How could I, of all people still be called to lead this program?

Upon entering my first year of being program head, I was in school for the second time, continuing on the program that I had failed two years prior. I had always thought that I needed to get good grades in school. That I needed to be at the top of my class to be worthy of the position that I held.

Through serving and making close bonds with the brothers and sisters in the program, I eventually learnt that being a model of excellence was not simply about getting good grades, but rather, the posture of how I was to carry myself throughout my studies. The posture of simply praying before and after every exam and every study session. The posture of lifting everything up to Him was what mattered the most. And knowing that, as long as I was doing my best, the Lord will be the one to do the rest.

I am happy to say that I was able to finish school last summer and have been working for about 9 months now! I thank my God for my beautiful brothers and sisters in High School Based who inspired and continue to inspire me to be a model of excellence for the Lord.

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Blessed be God forever!

I am absolutely in love with You

I have been reflecting a lot on how much I have grown throughout my years of being in CFC-Youth. And so far, it has been a blessed journey. I have definitely learnt more than I ever thought I could. Because of certain relationships and the people I have met, my journey has definitely been blessed all the more. From attending households, pastorals, shouts, conferences, to eating out after events and those late night drives going home, my days have definitely been filled with lots of love, joy and laughter. April 7-9 marks my 8 years of being in this beautiful community. Well, actually, it should be CO, but I actually do not remember when it was.

During these past two years, my desire to do something more for the Lord has definitely been increased. It was within these past two years in where I really took a step back and asked the Lord for His guidance. It was within these past two years in where I was able to see with the eyes of faith. And it was within these past two years in where I really started questioning my purpose in this community.

After coming back from my GAT trip in the Philippines back in 2012, and going straight to the Almighty Conference in Winnipeg, I took with me the questions that started my discernment to apply for the MV program. “What more can I do for the Lord?” And, “Why am I still in this community?” This was the year when the MV program was introduced to me. Or rather, it was when I really took notice of the MV program. The questions that ran through my mind were answered pretty quickly come conference time but, because of my doubts and fears, my heart quickly hardened to the thought of it.

The past two years have been filled with heartbreaks within my family, service, school, personal life and relationships. I guess you could say, in all aspects of my life (Haha!). Two years filled with heartbreaks but, nevertheless, the Lord was still so good throughout. It was also within these two years in where I saw how good and loving the Lord really was. I saw how He worked to make all of the good things in my life happen. But most especially, I saw the joy and fruits of my struggles and difficulties.

Throughout these past two years, the Lord continued to stir my heart in ways I never could have imagined. I once thought that the Lord never cared so much for what I had wanted. Soon enough, the more I asked for the Lord’s guidance, the more He showed interest in my desires. I found that, the more I accepted His will and the more I willingly suffered with Him, the more at peace I became. Slowly but surely I started desiring for what He had wanted for me.

Two years had passed and still, my desire to apply had still remained. Throughout these two years, my desire had been magnified and yet, I found more and more reasons to not apply. My weaknesses, doubts and fears had increased and my heart was hardened even more. The desire, the longing for the Lord and to just really know Him more intimately was still there though.

As I write this, I am happy and proud to say that I finally answered the Lord’s call and applied. Surely enough, the Lord accepted me with open arms. I am now a Mission Volunteer. Praise God!

The Lord really knew how to make His way into my heart. He affirmed and assured me that, as long as I continued to say yes to Him, He would take care of everything. My weaknesses, doubts and fears would not matter because at the end of every day, He was holding on to me.

Never have I been this sure of the Lord’s love for me until now. I start my 8th year in this community as a Mission Volunteer. That is pretty awesome :’). As I journey in the MV program and put aside all of my doubts and fears, I will continue to have faith, hope and trust in the Lord.

Jesus you have me completely
Every breath that I breath
I am absolutely in love
Jesus I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You

AMDG!

My child, I love you

“My child, what is it that you are afraid of?”

I was asked this question some time ago, and ever since then, this particular question seems to always stir up my heart.

Everyone is afraid, but of what exactly? Well, there are many things I am afraid of. But there’s only one that I’ve never really been able to be honest about. I’m afraid of not being loved.

I’m pretty sure many of you can agree when I say that, we all have this desire to be loved. And sadly, many people in the world look for it in all the wrong places. In all the wrong people. When really, Love has been here all along. Love has been with me all along.

Love is everywhere! He is everywhere! It is the Lord that will love us like no one has before. It is the Lord that will fill the longing desire to be loved faithfully and unconditionally.

Next time you go looking for Love, don’t search any further. Just ask the Lord to come into your heart and there, you’ll find Him.

Lord, thank You for loving me.