Author: Hannah Marie Roca

I love coffee.
And this is why.
This is a story of when girl meets coffee…

It starts in its most natural form, exposed and unripe…naked before the sun. A green bean. Raw.

August 2010 – Alive Conference, UBC

I sat backstage
Conference was nearly over and
I continued to question why I was here

Why did the Lord allow me to come to Vancouver
Despite my hardened heart
I allowed the song to penetrate through my ear and into my heart

“Send me Lord and I will go to the place you have prepared”

At that moment
as my heart slowly thawed
I heard the Lord whisper loudly in my ear

“Hannah, I have great plans for you…Far greater than you can imagine!”

I could not deny
The Lord’s loud whisper
And only few days later I was on the airplane

As I watched it take-off
I could not hold my tears
I did not know where the Lord was taking me next

I felt challenged…but comforted
I knew in my heart that this was not the last
That from this moment things will no longer be same…

In its vulnerability and openness to the sun, it allows itself to roast. The bean expands to nearly double its size, changes in colour, and in density. Roasted.

May 14, 2014 – On the plane Heading to Vancouver after training

As I remained seated
With my hands clasped together in prayer
I noticed my chestnut tone, a reminder of where I’ve been

My shoulder leaned against the side of the plane as
I peered out the half-opened window
I recalled the last three months I spent in the heat

Where the Lord
Humbled me, pushed me, and loved me
Where He stretched, revived, and solidified my heart

I was also brought back to the first time I travelled to Vancouver
I smiled and my smile remained sketched on my face
As an array of trees, reaching to the sky seemed to catch my eye

Great plans, far greater than what I can imagine
Though I may not know what awaits me
At that moment the Lord called me to enjoy His presence

After it is grinded. If it is ground too finely, it will produce a bitter taste. If it is ground too coarsely, it will produce a faint and weak taste, with a thin consistency. The beans need to be ground perfectly. Ground.

July 20, 2014 – Last Day TNC Ignite: See Thee Rise

This was the first conference where The Lord disturbed my heart, the way He did
He reminded me that, He will never be finished with me
That this was only the beginning

I thought I could love, but He stretched my heart even more
I thought I was whole, but He tore me into pieces
I thought I knew, but He reminded me that I know nothing

He grounded me

So as I stood in His presence
Amongst 1300 plus individuals
Though my heart was disturbed, I was filled with so much joy

So much freedom
So much hope
So much trust

I worshipped proudly wearing my purple flower crown
My yellow heart and
My rosary in my hand

The Lord is grounding me here
Where it all started
Where the trees touch the sky

I was at peace

With not knowing
With where the Lord is calling me to be day by day
With His simple message

“Do not be fooled by the physiology of your heart, for what it contains cannot be contained…”

The pieces of the ground beans sit in the filter, as boiling water is being poured through. Purifying and filtering the liquid in preparation for consumption. Brewed, shared, and consumed.

August 14, 2014 – 2 shoots of espresso, hot water

As I sat by the window of the coffee shop
I leaned forward
To admire the coffee that was placed in front of me

Raw, roasted, ground and brewed

Just like our hearts
Coffee was made to be shared
We were made to love

So as I sip and enjoy my cup of coffee in its simplest form
At that moment, I realize why I love coffee so much
Simply because

The beauty of its journey

I love coffee.
And this is why.
This is a story of when girl meets God…

 

Philippines Week #6
Tuesday, March 11, 2014

 

 Yesterday, my trust was tested 

Yesterday marked my 37^th day

I’ve been in the Philippines for one month and a week

I didn’t realize it until today

Yesterday has past

But I will always remember it

I will cherish it

I am,

Standing today

This shows my trust in yesterday

Today,

I no longer need to trust in my yesterday

Because it has past

And because I will trust in what is to come

 Even

When I am tested.

Today, I was put to the test

I’ve been realizing what has actually been happening to me

I’ve been realizing what will happen and

I’ve been realizing that this is not the end

But just barely the beginning

Each day

Allows me to pray more

Each day

Has become a different challenge

But,

Another obstacle being surpassed

I am brought to face My Reality

My prayer

My family

My Jesse

My service

My heart

It beats for the Lord

It beats for Love

It beats in the sight of unexpectedness

I am placed where the Lord will test the trust of my heart.

Tomorrow, my trust will be tested 

I do not know what tomorrow brings

I will never know where it will take me

I would not want to know

 Unless

It was given to me

I wake up each day

Realizing that I am living in my tomorrow

Which will then become my yesterday

It will always be a part of me

My hope in tomorrow affirms my trust

My love in tomorrow reassures my trust

My faith in tomorrow confirms my trust

In Him

 

Yesterday, my Trust was tested

Today, I was put to the test

Tomorrow, my trust will be tested

All day,

I will trust in no one but in the Lord.

Amen 🙂

Philippines Week #6
Saturday, March 8, 2014

Today I spent most of the Day with the Echavez’ family.
I tagged along with the Echavez’ family at SM Fairview.
It was nice being able to go around and run errands with Tita, to play with KC their grand-daughter, and to just talk with the family.

I think this made me miss my family even more.
It made me miss home.

There was this moment during the afternoon where I was just going around the SM Fairview Mall.
There was so many people.
As I peaked in each store and looked around

I can’t believe that I am actually in the Philippines
I noticed that there are times when
I am found in my own thoughts
And I become aware of where I really am
In the Philippines
By myself
Blessed
I sometimes I would tear because I still can’t believe that I am here

He placed me with a beautiful and selfless host family
He placed me in the North A Sector
It is not a coincidence that I am in North A (NA)
I am originally from (North America)

And my fellow FTPW trainee is in Central A, (CA)
He is originally from (California)
Ok, I know you’re thinking that this connection is far fetched…

 

I say it is perfect.

 He places us exactly where we are suppose to be

There are a few times where I do question my anointing…
I feel that I am not good enough
That there are other people who are better than me and more capable

I am not worthy

But I was reminded once again that…
I will never be worthy anyways
It is He who makes me worthy
It is He who anoints

Sometimes its hard,
But I know God is strongest in me when I am most honest with myself
When I am honest with how I feel and with what I am going through

In the end,

I am called
To be where I am
Not because of  my skills or abilities

But simply because

He knows me inside and out
Knows my every imperfection
But still calls me lovingly to be part of His mission.

Amen 🙂

“No matter how imperfect you are, Jesus still calls us to be a part of His the mission “

Philippines Week #5
Monday, March 3, 2014

Today was my first day at my host house

In my Metro Manila immersion.
I am blessed to be staying
At the Echavez’s Residence!

They live in North A.
One of the upper most north sectors in Manila
Today was my first time taking the jeep alone from my host house in Novaliches.
It takes about an hour and a half to two hours
To commute to the centre every morning.
People say that I’m not too good with directions,
But I believe otherwise!

The journey to the Global Mission Center was something I will never forget.

Jeep time!

I’ve taken the jeep before
But this time was different
For some reason
There was something so interesting
About this ride

It may have been the fact that
This time I was by myself and was paying closer attention to the details
Or
The Lord was revealing something that seemed so ordinary to me
But was in fact something so extraordinary

As I sat in the cramped jeep
Amongst individuals I do not know
I glanced at each one subtly, hoping they did not notice my intrigued look
I noticed their expressions
Their movements and their words

I watched them speak to the driver

The passenger at the end of the jeep would pass their money to person beside them
Then the person would pass it to the next, to the next, and then to the next
Until it reaches the driver

Then the driver would just hand back the change to the closest person,
Trusting that the person will give back the change to the right person.

This same process would continue every every-time!

I noticed this before
But The Lord was allowing me to experience this again
From a different perspective but at this particular moment

I was so amazed at the fact that there was a great sense of exchange in:

Trust
Honesty
Understanding
and
In Love

Trust, with one another
Trusting that each person would hand the money to the driver and hand back their change

Honesty, with yourself and each other
Honest in how much you will pay and where you will say you will go to the driver

Understanding, each other’s personal situation
Understanding without speaking, knowing that each individual has

Their own story and struggle

Love, your neighbour
Loving your fellow seat mate, your fellow neighbour in valuing

Their presence and their money

It was a special moment

Presented
In a mundane location
Part of my ordinary routine
But yet, this is where The Lord decided to speak to me
He allowed me to experience

Heaven on Earth.

I was experiencing Heaven on Earth
In a jeepney.

The Lord is Infinite
For His presence and
His promise for us
Can be experienced infinitely
In an infinite amount of places, situations, and moments

When the Lord shows us a glimpse of Heaven
It is up to us to open our eyes and be aware of where The Lord is revealing His Promise to us
Maybe in the places we least expected!

Our God is definitely a God of surprises!

Amen:)

Philippines Week #4
February 26, 2014

Last weekend we had our mini getaway with the FTPW of Metro Manila. We visited two natural phenomenas. There was one place where we had to walk down a bunch of steps…deeper and deeper into nature. Once we reached the bottom I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was surrounded by a huge mountain. A mountain with trees on it and a waterfall within in the rocks. There was an oasis where we were able to swim in it and jump off the rocks. It was called Tinago Falls (Hidden Falls). It has been one of my highlights so far. I was immersed and fully surrounded by the miraculous beauty of nature! As I jumped off the rocks and just floated on my back to soak in my surroundings. I was admiring the waterfalls and asked myself:

” Why do waterfalls never stop flowing? Why do they never stop falling?”

I was caught by this phenomena and connected it with the Infinity of God.
I was brought to tears.
God’s beauty
God’s love
God’s mercy
was overflowing.

” Why do waterfalls never stop flowing? Why do they never stop falling?”

My Child,
Waterfalls never stop
Flowing
Just as my love for you will never stop
Growing
No matter how many times you keep
Falling

This is a miracle

” Why do waterfalls never stop flowing? Why do they never stop falling?”

A waterfall

Is a miracle

Sometimes
Only nature can speak the words of God
Sometimes
God doesn’t want us to speak
Sometimes
God doesn’t even use words

He calls us to listen

And to be
Moved.

Amen 🙂

Philippines Week #3
February 17, 2014

Solitude brings out the beauty in God’s Multitude.

To be able to be self-suffient
And
God reliant

To be able to turn to the comfort of our Lord

Solitude brings out the beauty in God’s Multitude.

In times of uncertainty, challenges, and lonliness
The Lord is calling me to find company in Him

The solo traveller
Makes an intimate follower

Solitude brings out the beauty in God’s Multitude.

Everyday I have a glimpse of how it would feel to live and venture on my own
withThe Lord.

Everyday I am reminded of the beauty of “One”
How a single word can evoke a myriad of feelings

Solitude brings out the beauty in God’s Multitude.

Philippines Week #2
February 6, 2013

Last week I had the opportunity to venture around Manila with my fellow trainee and my Training Heads. We went around to explore and discover what Manila had in store for us. I asked The Lord to show me, and so He did.

Our first stop was The Steel Church (Basilica Minore de San Sabastien). I walked around and knocked on the walls of the church to check if they were really steel. They were. As I was doing my rounds and taking in the beauty of the structure I was struck by a statue of Saint, a Saint that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. She was dressed in a yellowish/golden dress. What caught me off guard was what she was holding in her hands. On her right hand she was holding a palm leaf and on her left she was holding a plate with two human eyeballs. I took a deep breathe and continued walking around the church. The image of the Saint lingered in my mind. Something was pulling me to go back to the foot of the statue. I found myself standing in front of the Saint. I called the brothers who were with me and asked them if they knew who this Saint was. No one knew, so we looked it up. The search lead us to, St. Lucy.

St. Lucy is known for her martyrdom in defence for her virginity. Her story is about a young Christian woman who had vowed her life to the service of Christ. According to the iconography which portrays her, it is said that the eyes on the plate reflects her identity as the protector of sight, her name Lucia (from the Latin word “lux” means “light, clarity, understanding, enlightening”). St. Lucy is frequently shown holding her eyes on a golden plate and also holds a palm branch which symbolizes victory over evil.

I asked the Lord, “Why O Lord did you lead me to this image?”

I didn’t think much of it and just continued with the rest of the day.

After all the adventures, our last Church we visited was in Intramuros, the walled city. I asked my Training Heads what “Intramuros” meant and they said, “within the walls”. I continued walking and observing the thick wall that surrounded the church, I noticed a woman siting on ground up against the wall, I glanced at her and continued walking. The Church we visited was San Agustin, they had statues/paintings of Saint Augustine around the church, but there was one towards the entrance of the church that stood out. He wore a black robe and  a book with a small church on his left hand. The church symbolises the Word of God, source of light and truth, and the quest for wisdom.

I asked the Lord again, “Why O Lord did you lead me to this image?”

Before we left Intramuros I was admiring the 3 meter thick wall that enclosed this city. I, for the second time crossed paths with the same woman siting on the ground. This time she was hiding her face and she was leaning against the wall. I was compelled to continue to look back.

 

I asked the Lord once again, “Why O Lord did you lead me to this image?”

As I reflected on the rest of the day,

I was brought back to the three images that moved my heart.

St. Lucy and her eyes of enlightenment.
St. Augustine and his book of wisdom.
The woman siting between the walls.

After siting in silence, I realized why each image was presented to me that day. I realized that these were the prayers and the posture that the Lord desired for to carry being here in the Philippines and during my training,

“Lord God, like Saint Lucy, allow me to be to be enlightened not only with my eyes but with my heart”

“Lord God, like Saint Augustine, allow me to ask more questions but to be secure in the fact that the Lord is far much greater than my questions”

“Lord God, like the woman siting, allow me to be aware of the reality that is seen between the walls.”

The Lord is calling me to live beyond the “muros”, to live beyond the walls. Walls are created to prevent others from seeing what is inside. To step out of my comfort zone and recognize the reality that is placed before me and the reality of whatever I am feeling at any given moment. The Lord does not leave me to face these realizations alone but sends me His Saints. He sent me St. Lucy to see and seek enlightenment not only with my eyes but with my heart. He sent me St. Augustine so I may continue to ask questions and seek wisdom and clarity from the Lord.

Lord allow me to step beyond my walls.
Saint Lucy, Patron Saint of eyes, allow me to see beyond my walls.
Saint Augustine, Patron Saint of theologians, allow me see beyond the walls of my questions.
O Lord, allow me to turn to Your Spirit and look between the walls for your messages!
Amen 🙂