Coming into the SFC Crossroads Weekend, I couldn’t help but feel kind of nervous because…

ONE – it’s my first time meeting everyone in SFC Israel
TWO – After meeting everyone, I was overwhelmed because they were all much older than I am, seeing I’m turning 23 this year, and a good majority of them were in their late 30’s, and the rest were older than me for sure (I was the youngest!) – and of the four of us, myself and Christian were assigned to SFC (AND THEY’RE ALL SISTERS – with the exception of 2 brothers)
THREE – Taking the above 2 in consideration, I was to give Session 4, which includes an open forum/ panel, and a talk all about vocations!

It was a little shaky at first – it was the phase where some of them were hesitant to talk to us. It might have been because we’re young missionaries. It might also be because we’re foreigners. But it might have also been because they just didn’t know how to approach us. But God never fails to push us harder to grow to become better and better brothers and sisters made in our Father’s image. So despite our discomforts, the four of us pulled out the social card and did our best to talk to everyone.

We stayed up late on the first night, realizing we might have to adjust small details of our sessions, having only about 1 hour of sleep left until the day was to begin. When it came to giving our sessions, I believe the Spirit really opened the door for all of us… As I stood at the front, I realized one thing…

Age doesn’t matter. 

Besides from journeying and discerning for our vocations, by the end of the Weekend, we were all reminded that whatever it is, all it takes is the beginning desire for God. That is what will lead us towards our vocations, and that is what drives out the fear in our hearts to do the things we might feel we can’t. I know it is what made me capable to deliver the session… A desire to love God above all else and to be used by Him Who IS Love.

After the Weekend, my fears had disappeared. Although they are older, I am affirmed that we are all treading the same journey… the journey to holiness. and that is a journey that cannot be defined by age. The participants even came up to some of us, asking for one on ones, and telling us to visit their areas, and that they were excited for the next event! PRAISE GOD!!!

I AM SO BLESSED! All I know that in what I have been experiencing, God is continuously molding my heart to just simply love. And because of that, I know that in Him, I can be used so that my life will make Him capable in my journey and the journeys of those around me. All I know is that He is always molding us for something greater. Whether that is Marriage, Single-Blessedness, or Religious Life (Holy Orders), WE ARE BLESSED!

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

On my way to Israel, at my 15-hour layover in Rome, I had a lot of time to think… But being so closely knit to my own family at home, one of my main thoughts were: “How is it going to be like, adjusting to a new country, and adjusting to a completely new environment, with a completely new set of people?” My thought had been dwelling on how I would adjust and if it would still feel like home. Surely enough, upon arrival, the team clicked instantly with the family we’re staying with. We are able to play with their kids and even take care and (almost) put to sleep their 9-month-old baby. We’ve been enjoying our time, getting to know the AGT and other members of the CFC Community from CFC’s, to SFC’s, to YFC’s, and even the ever-joyful KFC’s… we began to realize that we are so blessed to easily adjust and have a HUGE family in the Community almost instantly! But then all this made me ask myself something…

What if it was never about how WE, as missionaries, could adjust?

If there is one simple thing that I could say I have been realizing so clearly in my journey thusfar, it would be this:

As missionaries, we are blessed TO BLESS and BE BLESSED.

Yes, we’ve been blessed to have been able to adjust to a family here, but the call goes beyond the work the community calls us to do as well. Being missionaries, we must live the lives they live. We must joyfully follow their lifestyle and be a part of it.

As missionaries, we are not only called to seek a family where we’re placed to do the mission, but to also be the family wherever we are to complete the mission.

We always hear, “IT ALWAYS BEGINS WITH THE FAMILY.” It’s because at home – in our own families – we learn the attitude love takes… a love that has the ability to be open, vulnerable, and instill the Spirit to begin something new. In the family, we learn the comfort of a place to call HOME.

In understanding the beauty and the blessings of a HOME, we later begin to understand that “HOME” expands beyond the physical and expounds in the heart. So from beginning with family, it then ultimately BEGINS WITH THE HEART.

In finding a HOME in our HEARTS, we are able to carry an understanding that our hearts (being a home) carry life. It is a shelter for something that is living/ alive – THE HOLY SPIRIT.

In acknowledging that the Holy Spirit LIVES in a HOME that is always with us (in our hearts), then we can only come to the conclusion that…

There ultimately lies a call to BRING LIFE wherever we go.

WE ARE BLESSED TO BLESS AND BE BLESSED. As a missionary, I have found it easy to adjust to where I am… I am joyfully blessed. But the ultimate call of a missionary is NOT SOLELY to complete the work alone, but to be able to bring Life – His Presence – wherever we are called. Being a missionary for Couples for Christ here in Israel, the vision cannot be more clear…

FAMILIES in the Holy Spirit renewing the face of the earth.

It’s back to the basics. Let it begin with FAMILY.

 

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!
Holy Family, please continue to be our example, and pray for us!

BARUCH HASHEM!
(PRAISE BE TO GOD!)

Now that I’m being sent to Israel for a 3 month mission trip where there is war, I couldn’t help but only feel naive when I think of my emotions behind it… I carry no fear about it whatsoever, and no matter how many times I contemplate it or try to force myself to feel some kind of fear, I can’t. For the past few days, I’ve been feeling afraid because the fear hasn’t kicked in. But when I finally arrived home last night from our family vacation, I sat on my bed to just breathe and relax. I looked at my guitar, picked it up and began to play. Without any thought, the first song my fingers began to strum was this…

I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near

I am hope for all who are hopeless
I am eyes for all who long to see
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light
Come and rest in Me

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

I am strength for all the despairing
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free
And all will know My name

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

I am the Word that leads all to freedom
I am the peace the world cannot give
I will call your name, embracing all your pain
Stand up, now, walk, and live

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

Some may remember this song; some may not. But for me, this is a fond memory because it is something that I’ve remembered since I was young. It began as a frequent Church song, and later became a song I needed to remember for children’s choir at the parish. Then when I joined YFC, it was a frequent song used at our Parish Based Choir, and as years went by, I had forgotten it until now.

In the beginning of the year, I suddenly remembered this song, and couldn’t help but learn it on a new instrument, self taught on a guitar… And it is only now that I realized that what served as only a mere memory in my life was meant to be my mission song.

And that’s when I realized, there really is no such thing as a coincidence. Before my head could comprehend anything, my heart already knew its place… with God… and that’s why I wasn’t feeling any fear. No matter what happens, I am at a true place of peace because beyond what the human mind can comprehend, I am already in the safest place I know – in my Father’s hands. And I’ve come to understand that this isn’t me being naive or illogical, but it is me, finally knowing faith and what it means to trust and know He Who IS Love 🙂

I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

So many times have I desired something or wanted something, knowing that a part of that desire is rooted in pride, or a part of that desire carries a little greed. Sometimes, maybe a lot.

"I can't help but feel this way; I'm only human..."

“BECAUSE I’M HUMAN,” I have found it challenging cause sometimes, I catch myself wanting more … AND MORE… AND MORE. And I justify it, saying, “BECAUSE I’M HUMAN.” What I find I have forgotten in these moments is the simplest thing (and I’ve heard it many times before).

I am human, because AS A CHILD OF GOD, He loved me enough to give me life.

I am human, but I am also a child of God. I am not only a human being called to humanness; in my humanness, I am a child of God called to divinity, like her Father. Therefore, “I am only human,” cannot be an excuse.

Yes, there are things in life that I want.
Yes, often times I don’t get them.
Yes, being human, I’m allowed to be sad about it.
But as a child of God, I am called to acceptance… true acceptance… one that brings Peace.
As a child of God…

My only purpose is to serve the Lord in whichever way He calls me to…

…(even if it’s) in any sort of nothingness. In fact, I rejoice in the emptiness of my self, for it is in that emptiness, I can be filled with His Spirit – His leading. All else that follows this service is a blessing.

Therefore, in everything I have, I am blessed simply because I HAVE.

How many times have I heard the common complaint, “I have so many things to do,” or “I have so many things on my mind,” leading up to the bottom line, “It/ He/ She/ This is SO INCONVENIENT! …It’s just not the right timing.” These words have almost become a staple phrase in our every-day lives, and it is often passively said, but completely meant. I have even caught myself saying these things a few times… and maybe one too many.

“This is so INCONVENIENT!”

When one lives in complete trust in the Lord, the last line can never prove to be more true than ever: “It’s just not the right timing!” YES. This becomes true because it really isn’t the right timing anymore, but rather, PERFECT TIMING. The Lord works in PERFECT TIMING, and no matter how “inconvenient” that moment may be, it is a revelation that the Lord waits to reveal to us. But if we’re caught up in the complaints or the attitude of carrying a burden, then our hearts will never notice how the Lord has intricately placed His Presence in that moment.

“Inconvenience” is a blessing.

We are given moments where we are uncomfortable and/or put to the test so that we can learn to combat the uneasiness with complete, submissive trust. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and rely not on your own insight.” (Proverbs 3: 5) Often times, the reason why it feels inconvenient is because we are afraid or unsure of the task that lies ahead. Often times, it is more because we really just don’t know, or the journey that lays ahead seems impossible and then we end up making the important thing – because it is challenging – the last priority. But this is where it becomes a blessing. When we let go of those fears, those thoughts and those anxieties and DECIDE to move forward, regardless, that is the moment where we can say, “I am walking and living in hope, love and FAITH.” 

When it comes to the Lord, NOTHING WILL EVER BE INCONVENIENT. In fact, with God, we will always see that everything is given to us IN CONVENIENCE because we carry an understanding that whether or not it is something we can do or not, or something we’d like to do or not, it is an anointing because He has carefully chosen us to be a piece of the plan He has set so carefully and so precisely. Therefore, our only response to this blessing can only be a response in choice…

We must CHOOSE to SAY YES to THE THINGS/ TASKS HE HAS ANOINTED US WITH, without conditions, without complaints, without hesitation, but with prayer and a grateful heart.

With this attitude, we will then see that God is Who makes all things convenient in our lives. He becomes our Convenience, and in this, we can say…

When we live with the Lord deeply in our hearts, we live only IN Convenience, and nothing less.

“

I’m not going to lie… When I was offered a job at St. Joseph’s Workshop, I was ecstatic because it meant that I would have some sort of income to work towards registering for TNC2014. But when I came home to discuss it with my parents, they said no. I prayed about it and even contemplated booking the flight and registering without them knowing so I can go (cause it would be more expensive to cancel), but I knew that above all, I had a call to be obedient to my parents in this situation, so I didn’t argue further. I began to feel afraid, thinking I NEEDED to be there because I’m an MV, and my endorsement might be taken away because I’m the only MV who couldn’t make it and serve. This went on for months, and I was even afraid to tell anyone because I thought that if I said anything, they might not have been thinking about it, and then I would be putting the idea in their minds, hence, causing my own downfall (It’s silly, I know…) But I realized that the root of all this had sprung from my endorsement too…

I guess one can say it’s been a “waiting game”… many of us had thought that upon endorsement, we’d be placed with an area right away and then we’d be off for training. Needless to say, the Lord had chosen to be funny with me (in all the good ways, of course)! It’s been 6 months since my endorsement and I still have not been placed with an area. But to be honest… we all know that with God…

There is no such thing as a coincidence.

In the months I have been waiting, God put me through a roller coaster of challenges. This time, they were no longer challenges in the technical ins and outs of service (i.e. manuals, structures, trainings, etc), but challenges of the heart, and the deeper levels of it too…

LOVE.

PATIENCE.

HUMILITY.

Sooner or later, the “waiting game” began to feel like it was a waiting game of when something would explode. Maybe of when my heart would explode? A little dramatic, yes, but this is how real it was for me…  It had began to feel like I was walking on a thin line, so when my parents said no, I felt like it was a moment in Minesweeper, where I didn’t know if it was a flag or a mine, and I was anticipating a mine to explode… My heart began to feel restless…

Months went by and I had been silent about not going to Conference. I only told my counterparts, mentors, but otherwise, I wouldn’t say anything about it unless someone would ask. And then at the very last minute, I received a call to go to the Philippines to sing for the CFC Anniversary on June 21. I left for 2 weeks, and upon returning, a few days later, I received a call to take on preparations for one of our mission parishes’, Our Lady of Lourdes, Meet and Greet for the parish youth. I said yes, but then called back soon after because I had forgotten that it was my cousin’s wedding the same day… A few days later, I prayed about it and realized I could still help with the preparations and serve the service team, leading up to the day. So I got back to the Couple Coordinators and got back on board!

I realized, then and there, that I had been too expectant as a missionary. I had also been carrying the attitude of a pick-and-choose missionary.

This whole time, I had been so caught up in thinking that the mission would be where I would be assigned, OR that the mission would be large at Conference. But if mission sprouts from the need of love, and the mission call is an anointing by the Lord, then the Lord – being limitless – makes the mission limitless as well.

MISSION is not bound by Conference, alone.

I had been called to the missions surrounding my life to break down any walls that were preventing me in growing in ultimate love, patience, and humility.

1. In Philippines, I had been so blessed to journey with the brokenness, and rejoice in the love that surrounded me, re-defining the love of a family.
2. My cousin then opened up to me that in spending time with me and just talking about faith and our lives, she now wants to join CFC Youth and is praying about mission work too, redefining evangelism and mission in the family.
3. Upon serving in the preparations for OLoL, I realized that even that moment was mission too. It’s the first Meet & Greet of the parish! PRAISE THE LORD!!!
4. In the weeks leading up to the Conference weekends, I had also been able to grow in fellowships with my household, redefining true servant sisterhood in my life with the Lord.
5. During our family prayer time, my dad and I looked surprised because my mom lifted up a prayer specific to God’s hands in His timing and placement of mission for me with complete sincerity and submission (which never really happened in family prayer before).

It took me all these events to realize that while I had been so cautiously minding the mines, I had forgotten all the areas where I could put the flags on. I had been trying to tackle trickle around the mines, being blind to the obvious flag areas – the obvious moments God had been calling me RIGHT WHERE I WAS to mission. And it was only in an increase of my date times (prayer times) that I had realized where the blessings were.

MISSION IS NOT LIMITED BECAUSE GOD IS NOT LIMITED.
MISSION IS EVERYWHERE AND IN EVERYTHING BECAUSE HIS LOVE AND PRESENCE IS EVERYWHERE AND IN EVERYTHING.

I was reminded of the basics… I was not called by human intellect, but by a Divine Call. Mission as much as love cannot be defined by one task or one place, but by everything that is called and created by God.

MISSION is NOT about what I do ALONE as an individual, but how I allow God to use me in whichever way He wills.

TRUE MISSION, with or without consciousness of it, truly manifests when it is as much for others as it is for myself (if anything, it is MORE FOR OTHERS and much less for myself).

MISSION is allowing myself to be challenged to see and capture God in EVERY GIVEN MOMENT.

Whether I am placed somewhere else or still waiting right where I am, I know I called. Furthermore, I know I am anointed, and I know whether it is now or later, time will come, but I firmly believe the Lord places us PERFECTLY in PERFECT TIME.

Mission is UNLIMITED.

It is a call to bloom right where the Lord plants me,
and because the Lord plants me, I am not afraid…I am at peace.