Author: Nikki Dionisio

2 Corinthians 12:10

Change of Heart

Going into World Great Adventure Tour I was very excited yet nervous of what the Lord wanted to reveal to me especially being away from people I’m use to being around. But I told myself to make the best out of it. Coming into WGAT I was the only sister from Pacific Region, although I knew or knew of most of the sisters attending WGAT I thought to myself, “I should be fine, plus I know how to make friends.” As WGAT started and few days passed by, I became very restless and continuously spoke to the Lord saying, “Lord I am so uncomfortable right now”. I was not only uncomfortable with the places we were living in but I was uncomfortable with the people I was surrounded with. I held onto my rosary scapular so tight asking Him to stay close by me during my trip. I felt that I put up a guard and I was fighting against it. During the ANCOP Immersion on day 7 of WGAT. The Lord called me out during our sisters household. As I was surrounded by these sisters of WGAT I knew the Lord was testing me. One of the questions for our sisters household was “What do you feel you need to change about yourself”. And right away I knew. I had these beautiful sisters who surrounded me by their grace and presence and I was there so guarded by the wounds of my past. Growing up I was always so hesitant of having too many girl friends because of the history I had with my best friends. Drama. Cattiness. I wanted to stay away from that and guard myself from getting hurt again. But the Lord spoke to me and said “My Child, I have gathered these beautiful woman from around the world, to experience My greatness with you. They are here to journey with you. So be not afraid, do not run away from your fears. Embrace Me. And you will be at rest”. When it was my turn to share what I wanted to change, I knew I had to speak what was hindering me from opening up to these sisters. I apologized to them for my distance and knew that the Lord was calling me to open myself up and trust in Him alone. My posture of surrender became my cross to carry, not alone, but to “lay my life for my sisters” as we all journey through this adventure. These sisters from WGAT are the sisters I’ve grown to love and cherish. Through every laugh, smile, and tear, the memories we share are truly blessings the Lord has placed upon me and He has allowed me to see His beauty through these sisters. An open heart and an open mind isn’t so bad after all! He calls us to simply trust and obey.

Deo Gratias

Two Hearts

 

 

 

Immaculate Heart of Mary,

Thank you for revealing yourself to me in many ways, teaching me how to be patient, kind, humble, and loving. You’ve allowed me to witness your simplicity and graceful beauty. Mama Mary, your mantle of protection secured me with peace. Thank you for the silence of your heart.

Sacred Heart of Jesus,

I thank You for revealing yourself to me throughout my trip in the Philippines. You taught me what it means to be uncomfortable within the mission and teaching me that only through You I can find comfort and rest. My restless heart is at peace in You. 

Deo Gratias.

In God Alone

Growing up I always looked at my family as a burden. Divorced parents, a single mother, and an only child.  I never felt as if my family were “complete”. At the young age of 3 clueless and innocent, I didn’t know what the meaning of a divorce was. And as I grew older, I knew that my family was “different” from everyone else. Years went by and these feelings became normal, giving my fathers day cards and letters to my uncles and mom. But little did I know there was a void in my heart that was yearning to be filled. This is the cross I’ve been carrying.

Throughout my whole life I’ve been seeking. Seeking for answers to my questions to why God allowed this to happen in my life. Why do I feel so empty? So abandoned and so alone?

This whole time I’ve been seeking in the wrong places. I’ve been seeking for someone to be that fatherly figure I never had in my life growing up. Someone who I can lean on, trust, and someone who will protect me and teach me how to discipline my heart. As I grew up and understood why things happened, I’ve had a deep desire in my heart for God. A yearning for Him. And reflecting on it, God allowed this ‘void’ to happen in my life so I may find Him. So I can seek for Him because I need Him. The Lord is someone I can lean on and trust. He will protect me and teach me how to discipline my heart. He is all that I need. This whole time I’ve been searching for this void to be filled in the wrong places and in the wrong people. I was feeling abandoned and empty because I closed myself off from God when He has been calling me to be with Him this whole time. I’ve been able to open my heart to God praying for these answers and this void to be filled by Him alone. It brings me peace knowing that I have found the answers to all my questions. In God alone.

In Your arms I feel safe, my Father. 

“With all my heart I’ll sing, for You, my Dad and King” – Tim Hughes

Smile

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, as she smiles at the future” – Proverbs 31:25

Truly I say that verse with conviction. Two years of fashion school have been a great journey. And I’m proud to say, I’m finally finished! Praise God!

This journey has been filled with many mixed emotions about my future and where God is leading me. Through out my time in school I always questioned if this is what I’m really called to do. If what I love is truly what the Lord has planned for me in my future. With uncertainty, I stayed obedient to my service with finishing school praying for God to reveal something to me. Now that I’ve finished, I still don’t know what that “call” is but I simply smile at my future. I know that the vulnerability of my heart to God will allow me to be open to whatever He has planned.

I humbly ask for You to guide every step I make, every chance I take, even if it frightens my heart to break, I trust in You. May you keep me rooted as I step into my future as a child of your grace. Protect me Lord. 

Benedictus Deus in Saecula

Lead Me

I’ve been lifting prayers through praise and worship songs lately. The lyrics of Lead Me to the Cross by Hillsong United sparks a desire in my heart for God. I tear up and even smile of how beautiful the lyrics are. This song is an affirmation of how beautiful the Lord’s mercy is. The humility and sincerity I feel in my heart when I listen to the lyrics brings me peace within the Lord. Through this song, I know He’s trying to reveal something to me, I just don’t know what it is yet but even though sometimes I am afraid to trust in Him, I know that through this song, He is able to bring me peace. As I continue to pray for whatever He has to reveal to me I simply humble my heart and be open to whatever He has in store.

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption’s hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

Lead me to your heart

Completely, consume me Lord.

Humble Beauty

The pure and liberating chant of a sisters worship is so beautiful. Harmony magnifies the Holy Spirits presence. As I sang along with my sisters during worship I felt a sense of peace and unity with each of my sisters. “Majesty, Faithful One. Saviour of my Soul, You are here.” The Lord was truly present. God challenges me to see beauty in everything. Everything. As ‘easy’ as it seems to seek the beauty in everything, it is a challenge especially when the evil one wants otherwise. Tonight was truly a beautiful night. We are all called towards holiness. Pure and divine beauty is Holiness. Saints become saints because they have the humility to acknowledge that they are sinners yet have the willingness to surrender all that they are. May our hearts be filled with the humility to ask God for the strength and sincerity to see beauty in everything.

As daughters of Christ, may we surrender our hearts to You and praise Your name with an angelic hymn. Forever I will sing, forever I will live for You. The one I love is You, Jesus.

Benedictus Deus in Saecula

The Journey of Our Yes

March 7-9 2008, was the weekend that changed my life whether I knew it or not. This was the weekend of my very first CFC-Youth Camp, Camp Radiance. Joining at the age of 14 I really didn’t know much of what the ministry was about. Like most teens I joined because my friends were going. But there was something about CFC-Youth that captured my heart.

Recently I’ve been reflecting on my journey within this community. Many may say 5 years isn’t very long but as we approach March 7th, it feels like it’s been a long journey. These 5 years have impacted my life tremendously. Through every struggle and every bit of joy and happiness I felt within the 5 years of being a part of this community has allowed me to be captivated by Christ Himself. There is no doubt have I fallen and wandered off the path God has planted for me but I have witnessed God’s merciful and everlasting Love within this community. This community has taught me about who I am and who God calls me to be.

Through my journey with actively serving in CFC-Youth the Lord has blessed me with so many opportunities to serve and has truly pushed me to go over my limits. I’ve been so blessed with serving in this community, whether it was through my households, serving kids, being a youth advocate, and the times the Lord has allowed me to share my personal victory to thousands of youth around the world, truly I must say these 5 years have been blessed.

CFC-Youth has allowed me not only to serve others but to serve God. I have fallen in love with God through the journey He has put me through. It truly amazes me of how beautiful God’s plan works. He amazes me, every single day of my life. Who would have known, 14-year old Nikki, 5 years later, would be where I am now a Mission Volunteer, discerning for Full-time Pastoral Work. I never knew it could be possible. The fear and uncertainty we may feel is nothing compared to the love and grace we receive when we say yes and when we open our hearts and minds to what God has in store. The willingness and the surrender of our yeses allows us to fully place our trust in God. Many times I’ve felt unworthy and doubtful but all these blessings and this beautiful journey God has placed in my life wouldn’t of happened if I didn’t make that one yes to attending my first Youth Camp, 5 years ago. It is only through the faithful yeses we make throughout our lives we may encounter this journey with Christ.

As CFC-Youth, we are all called to journey with the Lord. Allowing His radiance to shine through all clouds in the sky. The Lord simply asks for our YES to journey with Him. Will you follow?

Obey and Witness

“Do whatever He tells you” – John 2:5

Benedictus Deus in Saecula