Christian Marquez – Page 2 – True North Missionaries Journal

Embrace – Day 5

These are my current service roles:

YCOM Area head of Vancouver
YCOM (1/2) National Program Head
Mission Volunteer (Vancouver Missions Sea-to-Sky Chapter)

Throughout the past year and a half or so, it’s been difficult to find a balance. When one of them seems to flourish, the others seem to suffer. When all of these seem to flourish, my personal, family, and faith life seems to suffer. Why is it that the Lord blesses us with so many ways to honour Him, yet when we try to take everything on, we fail?

Simple. We fail because life turns in to a checklist. Life turns in to a series of challenges that we have to overcome, tasks that we need to complete, goals that we need to attain. Yes, we are called to make sacrifices in our life and we are called to overcome adversities. But moreover, we are called to do all of this with faith, hope and charity. Our Lord God endured his “mission” by way of embracing not simply by carrying.

A missionary heart doesn’t grow through an accomplishment or service. It grows through intimate love of the Lord. From that intimacy, everything comes easy. Time is managed. We learn to prioritize. From establishing that deep love for God, he takes care of everything else – whether it’s through the gifts of the Holy Spirit or His sanctifying grace. We must remember that we don’t serve the Lord expecting for something in return. We serve the Lord simply because we love Him. Just as we greet our friends, the first thing we think about is embracing them out of sincere love for them, not “are they going to reciprocate the feelings” or “will they hug me back”.

Our service should be as simple as an embrace.

I was once asked by someone who wasn’t in the community or a Catholic how it was like serving or being part of a church. He was always so curious why I would spend my weekends losing sleep instead of partying or expanding my network. He was also very curious as to why I would attend the Holy Mass at Holy Rosary every lunch instead of going to the Pub with them.

More precisely he asked: “How does it feel to be a church-goer?” (out of sincere curiousity).
I remember saying exactly: “It feels like God is constantly embracing me.”

I didn’t realize at the time just what exactly I was saying, however little did I know just how right I was.

Stronghold – Day 4

Campus Execom Retreat (EXERT) circa 2007

Probably the most pivotal time of my journey in faith was around 2007 – freshly graduated, entering the college life, outgrowing the average age of the youth. I needed something more, and the Lord knew that.

In 2007 during the busyness of the preparations for that year’s Western Conference, the FTPW for the area Richie Aldaba set me aside and (almost ninja-like) we had an impromptu 1 to 1 on the front porch steps of the infamous Rodas Residence. It was 30 degrees. Slushies was the choice of arsenal against the heat and potential dehydration. We talked about everything – from my life, to my plans after high school, and to my service. It was refreshing (as refreshing as the slushies), because it was, I believe, the first sincere and genuine 1 to 1 I’ve ever had with a brother.

He told me about Campus Based. He told me they were starting anew, and that they were introducing the stronghold movement to Pacific. In short, “Stronghold” would be the refocusing of the formation of our region, by empowering the parishes by way of mentorship and shifting on Campus Based as the champions and leaders. He asked if I would be interested in partaking in this “movement”.

This impact of this 1 to 1 was quite poignant in my life because it 1) gave me, an off/on active lukewarm Catholic, an avenue to serve beyond my own inhibitions 2) It sparked the beginning of a brotherhood that instantaneously went from acquaintance and essentially brothers in this community to brothers in the Body of Christ and 3) It sparked an outpouring of love that would eventually nurture my hidden longing to be a missionary (specifically a full time pastoral worker), through brotherhood and mentorship from someone who has travelled a some what similar journey.

For those who were around during this time, some can argue that the movement of “stronghold” was unsuccessful. Last night, I saw the fruits of Richie and Vanessa’s labour. I saw parish G.A’s in the hundreds, and I saw Campus members being the mentors to the younger high school aged children. It brought me such joy (and albeit nostalgia) that I was able to be apart of the earliest days of this vision.

For me, this first service as apart of the Campus core group was that which taught me the beauty and art of mentorship. This community would be one of repeated mistakes and stagnant growth without the mentorship as cultivated by movement of the Holy Spirit. Richie and Vanessa were far ahead of their time when they realized that community isn’t just a refuge for misguided youth and a pool of dozens (even hundreds) of teachings. It was a living organism apart of the bigger body of Christ (the Catholic Church) that grows only through the passing on of gifts of the Holy Spirit and the attainment of graces.

Praise God I’m part of this constantly growing community! There is no limits to what we can attain when the sole measure of our success is that of eternal Glory in our Lord Jesus Christ!

I leave with you the words of St. Augustine:

‘You are the Body of Christ. In you and through you the work of the incarnation must go forward. You are to be taken. You are to be blessed, broken and distributed, that you may be the means of grace and vehicles of eternal love.’

Glimpse of Truth – Day 3

Truth be told, this youth camp was (and is) a giant blur. For reasons unknown the Holy Spirit led my brother Cesar Rivera to ask me to be a facilitator for the very first time, a year after joining the community. I was terrible. I botched my share, fast-tracked my 1 to 1’s, and paid more attention to my friends at the camp than my own discussion group.

If I were to take one thing from this entire experience, it would have to be my calling as an evangelizer. This camp was a foretaste of my love for “catching men” by way of witness. In fact, it was the vessel of that very passion to share and witness that lead me (and another friend) to bring around 10-12 of my high school friends to camp! In retrospect, it may not seem like a big deal, but in context it truly was God’s victory at work. Most of those friends weren’t your run-of-the-mill cradle Catholics. They were more likely people who disregarded (or were very indifferent to) the faith.

Although most if not all of them are no longer active, I’m glad that my “yes” (for whatever reason) enabled me to act as an instrument in instilling them seeds of faith, fun, friendship, freedom.

Regardless if I knew it then or not, my being a catalyst for Camp S.W.A.T. was simply the Lord sharing with me a small glimpse of what was to come in my faith journey: a journey filled with personal witness, sharing of self, exchange of persons, trinitarian love, non-stop evangelism and everlasting desire for Truth.

St. Paul, the Apostle of Truth, pray for us
Our Lady of Guadalupe, Star of Evangelization, pray for us

The Lord Has You – Day 2

Camp Reloaded CFC-YFC East Youth Camp 2003

Yes, that is me refusing to make melodies. I was a rebel. Though it may seem funny looking back just how much of a disobedient brat I was, I will always treasure this youth camp for what it instilled in me. For the first time in my life, I experienced (with complete awareness) God’s victory.

Albeit, (like we say at all youth camps) “it was only the beginning”, I was quick to go back to my old ways soon after. Despite that, for one amazing weekend I was indeed able to overcome all of my shortcomings and all of my failures. I was able to overcome my pride and sense of immaturity to actually get to know others who sincerely wanted to know and love God more intimately. Little did I know just how powerful the prayers of the service team were.

In retrospect, it’s true what they say that God’s plan is so intricately woven. One of the brothers ended up being one of my closest friends and I’ve had the pleasure of serving alongside of him for many years both within Campus-based, and within the Core Group of Pacific Region. One of the sisters was at the time one of my closest friends (and still is to this day) audaciously serving the impoverished and the innocent in both the Gift of Life Ministry and Ancop Canada (within SFC). There was also a sister I had just met at the camp. I probably said “hi” to her once throughout its duration. We ended up serving Music Ministry together, then eventually community-based and then eventually we became counterparts and close friends also. Her deep love for God and selflessness in serving others eventually lead her to study to become a Salesian sister. Who knew? The Lord really did “have us” after all.

One thing I can say for certain, our lives (willingly or unwillingly) were never truly the same after that weekend.

“I give thanks to my God at every remembrance of you” Philippians 1:3

Heart of Joy – Day 1

Camp Heart, CFC-Youth Surrey 1 Chapter Youth Camp circa 2008

It seems just like yesterday. The first major decision of my adult life as a Catholic was the choice of my parish – the place where my spiritual journey would be cultivated and nurtured. The place where I would learn to love the sacraments so whole-heartedly. The place I would spend hours upon hours crying, praying and laughing with our Lord in simple and sweet adoration. The place I would be taught to be a man by our Blessed Virgin Mary. At the time, I was still very fresh-faced in regards to my knowledge of the faith (God knows on paper that it didn’t seem like a perfect match), but for some reason the Spirit lead me to make a choice – and that I did. Needless to say, after experiencing missions upon missions, assignments upon assignments, the Lord knows that whatever I have given will always be firmly rooted in where I have first received. Yes, I have laid to rest my head in this humble parish by seeking comfort in it, but more prevailingly they have taught me to rest my heart in the very same way.

If the saying goes, “home is where the heart is”, then you will find pieces of it scattered through the confessionals, scattered throughout the Adoration chapel, spread out throughout the pews, throughout the vastness of the youth centre, distributed to the pastors and priests and religious, with the parish workers and laity, to the kids I would see during daily morning mass, and to all of those who I’ve had the pleasure of greeting, meeting, or serving with.

Surrey 1 Chapter, home of the Salesians of Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish, not only will I cherish thee for blessing me the opportunity to experience fullness of faith, but I will also always cherish every one of you for allowing me to, for the first time in my life ever, experience true joy. The truest joy that I know I will be taking with me wherever I go from hereon out in my journey and pilgrimage with and to the Lord.

I still have a lot of my heart to give. Lord, send me.

Even when many years have past and I may no longer recognize your faces (which, truth be told, is starting to seem like now) know that I am praying for all of you very deeply by name and that the peace, happiness, and conviction you feel belonging and serving in that chapter is akin to that which I once felt and am still feeling and will always feel – the joy of the Lord and a heart overwhelmed.

With that, I leave you with the words of a wise man named St. John Bosco:

“Love the Church, revere the Holy Father, receive the sacraments often, frequently visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, be very devout to the Blessed Virgin, offer Her your heart, and you will be able to overcome all battles and allurements. When it is a question of doing good and rejecting or combating error, trust in Jesus and Mary, and you will be ready to tread human respect underfoot and even suffer martyrdom.”

St. John Bosco, Pray for Us

Only This I Want

The other day, someone asked me this mind-numbing question, “What is it exactly do you want out of life?”. I admit, I was quite taken aback by this question. It seems like such an easy question to answer but for some reason I couldn’t find the exact words and I was left speechless. Maybe it was because I was overthinking the question. Perhaps I couldn’t find the right words to say just exactly was in my heart..

The Lord knew exactly what was stirring in my heart. Later that day I went to mass for the second time (Feast of St. Augustine deserves double Jesus) and the Lord answered for me. The offeratory hymn was a song that is quite common and is well known to any avid church-goer. It goes a little something like this:

Only this I want:
but to know the Lord,
and to bear his cross,
so to wear the crown he wore.

All but this is loss,
worthless refuse to me,
for to gain the Lord
is to gain all I need.

I will run the race;
I will fight the good fight,
so to win the prize
of the kingdom of my Lord.

Let your heart be glad,
always glad in the Lord,
so to shine like stars
in the darkness of the night.

Even when I was left without words to express, He knew exactly what was in my heart and he gave me an oppurtunity to serenade him with this beautiful hymn.

Lord, thank you for knowing me so intimately, and may my life be solely yours to behold – only You shall I want.

Amen

Giving What We Have

Charity and chastity go hand in hand.

This simple message has been resonating in me ever since the priest at Holy Rosary said this in the confessional about a week ago. It’s never occured to me until then just how much one relies on the other.

Often times, we offer so much of ourselves in our service, that we fail to do so with charitable hearts. If we are lacking the virtue of charity, It is because we fall short in being chaste. Chastity is much more than control of our sexual desires. It is a discipline, presence of mind, and self-awareness. It is a simplistic pureness that is to overwhelm both the internal and external senses.

We experience that, although “our heart is in the right place”, we fail to uphold a chaste life. Charity without chastity is death. It often leads to a distorted Truth that our actions are always justified so long as our intentions are pure. However, that is rarely the case. Our hearts may have a yearning to give, but we can only give what we have. Charitableness loses it’s meaning if it is not bearing on good soil.

I believe St. Joseph is considered the chaste spouse not just because he upheld Mary’s virginity, but also because he was a protector. Just as he is protector of the universal Church, he protected his very own family. Though often we hear that we must protect ourselves in order to preserve our chastity, I also believe that chastity itself protects us. It protects us by allowing only that of the Lord to remain in our hearts – our thoughts, our actions, our intentions. We can only give what we have. The more we fail to live chastely, the less of God’s pure goodness we can exude and the more we fail to love. St. Joseph’s chastity affirms us that living a chaste life allows us to love unconditionally, with great charity, and with a posture of relentless giving. His chastity (that is, a constant mortification and a deep integrity) allowed him to live his vocation of love towards Jesus – as provider, protector, teacher, servant.

Even more necessary than St. Joseph’s intercession is our ardent desire to love and to serve as our Blessed mother did. We must fix our gaze upon Mama Mary in those times we fail to firmly root our actions in love. Every mention of Mary in the Gospel shows our lady exuding three divine charisms – joy, obedience, and charity (love). She was annointed by God with the vocation of none another than an Immaculate heart. While Joseph was, in a sense, an ordinary man with an extraordinary vocation, Mama Mary was an extraordinary woman who perfectly and flawlessly lived her “ordinary” vocation (to love and serve) in its absolute fullness. Our Lady is the prime example of how a pure and chaste heart purifies all actions and intentions, never leading astray, and always putting others above self simply because the Lord simply asks.

O what I would give to witness the moment of her Magnificat.

What the Lord was trying to tell me was that in the midst of the ever-continuous refinement (by virtues and by grace) lies an even more deeper Truth – my soul must be chastened in order for my heart to remain charitable.

Our Lord says, “Remain in my love.” I never really understood that until now. He calls us to remain in him by protecting our hearts from all things that could prevent us from giving, and loving, for the sake of God’s glory. Remain chaste through acts of charity. Remain loving through righteousness and chastity.

A Chaste Soul. A Charitable Heart. In all these things, Lord, make me a wellspring, giving everything that I have received and receiving only that which I am willing to give.

Amen.