It has been such a joy to be a household head. I never thought I would ever say that since not too long ago, I thought I was done with this “YFC thing”. I was so scared to take the role because how was I going to bring others to Christ if I myself was still trying to figure out who He was? First of all what did a household head even do? Second of all how could I be one if I couldn’t even remember any of my previous ones?
I didn’t have any positive memories from my membership days. I couldn’t recall a single time where I felt like someone genuinely cared about my faith journey. No one ever saw beyond my “dancing” and that’s all I was ever used for. I never bloomed because I never knew I had much to offer the world, the people around me, or the community.
FFwd to a couple years later and I knew I just couldn’t be complacent with my own faith anymore, not when I was responsible for 5-6 other souls. So I did everything I could to paint myself a better picture. Every prayer uttered before the Eucharist, every petition lifted up at adoration, every love letter my heart bled out onto the pages of my journal, every hide and seek game with my bible brought me that much closer to Him.
At first all of these things felt tedious; it was very easy for me to be discouraged and tired. I had to always remind myself that God was giving me a second chance to right all my wrongs. It was important for me to learn to develop my own prayer habits, and that of course meant throwing away some old ones. After all, virtues can only blossom from the ashes of our vices.
My bad experiences have moulded me into the kind of household head I am now. I look at all the things my previous heads didn’t do and I do it. I look at all the things I wish happened and I make it happen. Most of all, I have learned that it’s easier to lead with honesty. I have never hid nor do I hide anything from my household members. I’m transparent. They know I’m not perfect and they know that I don’t expect them to be either. Each person has a specific anointing, so who was I to make judgements?
If we don’t learn to see our members the way that Christ sees them, then we may never understand that they are a personal blessing and gift to us. If we don’t take the time to deepen our relationship with God then we can never genuinely love the ones He has called us to pastor. We love because he loved us first (1 John 4:19).
“We do not draw people to Christ by loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it.”- Madeleine L’Engle
Being a household head once felt like some sort of burden, but with God’s guidance and affirmation it has slowly unveiled itself as one of the most beautifully intricate answered prayers He’s ever given me. I’ve said it before, He really is the master of happiness- He fulfills as many of our heart’s desires and the desires of those around us in one given moment! He is the wellspring of life, thus a life lived for His glory brings about the fullness of life in and around us.
I would not dare change where I am now, because I know now more than ever that this is where I am called to be.
