“Jesus saw her weeping and he saw how the people with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved.”- John 11:33
Taken from today’s gospel John 11:1-45 (The Death of Lazarus)
What strikes me most in today’s gospel is Jesus crying. Jesus cries? What an odd thing to see/hear/read in the bible.
When we picture Jesus we picture him composed, controlled and collected. There are only so many times in the bible where Jesus criesㅡ agony in the garden, his crucifixion, etc. When we read the gospel at the sisters’ Area Core household, I imagined myself in that scene in the bible carrying a small glass vial, hoping to catch Jesus’ tears.
Jesus must have really loved Martha and Mary to have been affected by Lazarus’ death. Wasn’t he just a RANDOM?
Hmm…
There are days where I feel like I’m going into a desert. In fact I’m smack dab in the middle of one right now. I’m dazed and confused, and to be honest I don’t really understand what’s happening.
Part of me is frittering away. Part of me is dead. Part of me is in mourning.
I am Mary. I am Martha. I am Lazarus.
Jesus weeps with me. Jesus weeps for me. Jesus cares about my loss. Jesus cares about how much has to be lost. Jesus’ love for me cannot be contained. Not even by tears.
——————
But He said:
“This illness does not lead to death; rather it is for God’s glory, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” (John 11:4)
I know that the parts of me that have died, the parts of me that are still dying have to happen. It is part of my pruning process. My mortification will bring me closer to Christ. I am being refined and purified to be the best version of myself, the one who lives because of He who loves me most.
So despite the worries, the woes and the wanderings in my life, I am STILL called to believe even if it is in the seemingly impossible. I am STILL called to wait on His arrival even if my impatience whispers that He has abandoned me. I am STILL called to trust in His plan even when I feel like taking control and making my own.
Because despite how I feel, God is STILL so good. God is STILL here. God is STILL God.
I will only learn to appreciate His salvation story if it stops being a concept and starts being part of the context of my life. This is God making Lent more real for me.
Life in death. Life through death. Life because of death. Amen.
“Lord, either let me suffer or let me die.”
– St. Teresa of Avila
