Entirely and Forever

Metro Region just finished its Regional Youth Conference a couple days ago and I still find myself processing so much of what I heard, saw, and felt. It gave me great joy to see 407 participants, 100 CC’s, and the service team take part in so much of the sacraments. To begin with Mass and settle into confession/adoration later during the day was beautiful. In all the 13 years I’ve been in this community, never had I ever experienced such fullness in Christ during an event.

What transpired at adoration was so personal that it’s all I’ve been thinking about. So much of me wants to photocopy that mental picture and share it everywhere to everyone. It boggles my brain how loud God can be in silence. It boggles my brain how God chooses to reveal himself entirely in what seemingly just looks like a “wafer”. The rest of the world is missing out on this. People are missing out on this. I’ve missed out on it all these years.

All because I found it easier to live with the noise of the world than the silence of my being. I used to love being surrounded by so many other people, people who shared the multiple desires that the rest of the world forced upon us. It kept us busy. It made us feel useful. It made us feel something- which was better than the nothing that lingered once we are alone.

When God wants to teach divine lessons to a soul and speak to her heart, He leads her into the desert (Hos 2:16).

I’ve had to learn that the hard way. I was in my own personal desert for a long time, and as abundant the resources were nothing could satiate the thirst of a heart that needed life breathed into it.

In solitude the spirit is always recollected so that it may hear the Lord’s voice, and nothing can interrupt the heart’s own voice as it constantly speaks to God. It delights in repeating the simple words, You are the God of my heart (Ps 73:26) and finds in them its whole fulfillment, wealth, and joy. – Imitation of Mary

As I knelt down for the next 45 minutes there were absolutely no words that came to mind. It was blank. The space was empty. But I knew better than to give up and sit back down waiting for time to pass by. Here was God in front of me, and despite my shortcomings and lack of words He STILL deserved to be adored. He deserved every piece and part of me- He is worthy to be be praised.

I knew He just wanted me to listen. Not with my ears, but with my heart.

“My child, God finds His delight in being with you; find yours in being with Him in solitude. There, far more freely than elsewhere, you can reveal to Him your inmost thoughts. You can far more readily manifest your feelings with the freedom that a respectful trust in Him will give you.”- I.o.M.

I can never fully explain in word, or detail what I saw in the last fifteen minutes. No artist could ever paint that image and recreate the majesty displayed. As much as I long to share it, I know that that moment was meant for me. Just me. It also made me realize that in order for God to come into our lives, we need to remember that we also need to INVITE him in. He doesn’t break down our doors, rather he simply knocks on it and wait for us to say, “Come in. I need you to fill my life and to take up every corner and crevice of my life.”