The storm before the calm

Five days left until the (second) most awaited event of the year for Metro. This Regional Youth Conference is so close to my heart for so many different reasons. It was three years ago that I fatefully stepped in during a worship; those 45 minutes were more than enough for God to pull me back to the community.

I went home that night and couldn’t understand why God would call me, of all people, after being lost for so many years. I wasn’t even supposed to end up there. I remember how I looked at a bible and opened the pages. It landed on Matthew 7:7. Coincidentally, three years later I am not going to be there by accident, rather very much on purpose.

People always anticipate the calm before the storm, but I feel like for the last week and a half it’s just been all about braving one crazy one. The attacks are so personal. I’ve gotten into some unexpected conflict with those close to me, my job has me stressing to the point of sickness, and the biggest most deeply rooted hurt in my heart has again resurfaced, now of all times. Also, my pencil case is missing (if you know me, you know that’s enough to drive me up the wall & throw me off the loop!). I’ve been so distracted by my internal struggles. I’ve been even more anxious not having my pens- what I consider vital to my journaling and prayer time.

How. Will. I . Cope.

———–

Yesterday I reached a point where I just felt so discouraged, so broken, so aggravated. My migraine was two days old. I asked myself why I bothered to care so much. I knew this was part of the spiritual warfare- I was aware of how everyone else around me was starting to get attacked head on too.

I picked up my rosary, and it was there that my Why‘s were answered:

The Annunciation
The angel appeared to Mary asking her to carry out a purpose specific to her. She said yes without hesitation. In my own way, I’ve been asked to carry out a responsibility and role both in my sector and area, and as a missionary
….for Humility.

The Visitation
Mary visited Elizabeth even if she was far away. She knew her cousin needed her now more than ever. In my own way, I’ve been indirectly shown two individuals to personally look after. Unexpected as they came into my life during the busiest weeks of the year, God’s calling for me to accountable is crystal clear
…for Love of Others.

The Birth of Jesus
Born in a manger, not even a crib in sight. I too am called to bring Christ to  life in the harsh, hostile, chaotic environment of my job. It is never comfortable, but this is where I must be right now
…for Love of God

The Presentation of Jesus
Mary had to present her son Jesus to the temple. She may have feared for his life. She knew what was coming for him. But she still trusted God enough to give up her son before the elders. In the same way, I am called to give up to God everything and present it to Him. They will only be away from me for a while. He never takes something without giving back something better
…for Sacrifice.

The Finding of Jesus
Despite all the warfare and turmoil surrounding the upcoming RYC, we know that we will find God there. We’re scattered, doubting, worried and confused. But, by 7:59am, he will transform the venue into a dwelling place secure as we celebrate Holy Mass, and the sacraments
…for Zeal.

I am reminded that the God I love, is the same God who…
Saves.
Redeems.
Forgives.
Blesses.
Pursues.
Promises.

A God of peace.
A God of order.
A God above all time.
A God who never abandons.
A God of perfect love.

Behold the handmaid of the Lord;  be it unto me according to thy word.
Luke 1:38

For the salvation of souls lost in this world, let the crosses I carry bring them back to you. Someone else loved You enough to be accountable to the stranger that was me.
Your will, not mine. For Your glory, not mine.

Sweet Heart of Jesus, be my love.
 Sweet Heart of Mary, be my salvation.