On October 1st I made one of the best decisions in my life. I promised that I would commit myself to a deeper prayer life. I might be a Mission Volunteer for almost a year and I may have clocked in twelve years in CFC-Youth, but I can honestly admit (now) that my relationship with God was quite shallow. It was like a string of dates that never quite evolved. It was like getting to know someone over and over and over again. Like sitting at a coffee shop everyday beside the same person for 2 years but never getting past the how-are-yous and how’s-the-weather-todays.
October first was the perfect time to start! Not only was it my patron Saint’s Feast day (St. Therese of Lisieux, holla!) it was also the beginning of the month of the Holy Rosary. Some part of me was crying for a new beginning of sorts.
What I discovered after seven days was astounding.
EVERY SINGLE DAY I received a gift. Literal gifts. Tangible gifts.
Seven days, seven dates with the Lord “chaperoned” by Mama Mary, seven affirmations.
The Seventh day, October 7, was also the feast day of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary. She was the one being celebrated, yet I was the one who was given a reason to celebrate.
I’ve been unemployed for just over two months now with a bank balance of literally $0. My monthly pre-authorized payments for Student Loans slowly ate up whatever I had saved. But guess what? In less than 36h I will be on a plane to Vancouver, BC to attend and serve at the North American Leaders’ Summit. How? Because of a choice I made to have a sincere and genuine commitment to prayer. With the intercession of Our Lady, guidance from St. Therese, and motivation from St. Rita (patronness of impossible cases x the rosary I prayed with) I will be going with a fellow leader from my Sector.
The best part about this isn’t my trip to Vancouver. The most significant take away from this is my renewed prayer life. God spoke straight to my heart in the ways that He knew would make me speechless, in ways that He knew I couldn’t argue or reason my way out of.
St. Therese of Lisieux once said that for her, “prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.”
I understand what that means now. It is complete and utter submission to Christ. It’s bearing our whole self to Him and never breaking that look or stare at Him on the cross- it’s sharing in His crucifixion AND His resurrection. It’s giving Him permission to enter the walls of our hearts without restraint or fear.
Prayer is coming out of our hiding places; it’s stepping out of the crowd of onlookers during the walk towards Calvary and being Simon for that brief moment. It’s looking at Him in the eye and committing to take the weight for five steps, ten steps, fifteen steps. It’s letting him embrace your soul, especially the darkest parts, the broken parts, the hidden parts.
Most especially it’s allowing Christ to tell you, “I love you. You are worth this much. I am proud of you” without interruption. Prayer is choosing to let Christ save you.
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HEART OF JESUS, I adore Thee.
HEART OF MARY, I implore thee.
HEART OF JOSEPH, meek and just,
In these three Hearts I place my trust.
Amen.
– Act of Confidence.
Beautiful. I want to say that you have summed up all of the values I have tried to hold myself true to. I went on a mission trip to St Croix, USVI with CFC-Y this past Summer and ever since, I have dedicated my life to CFC-Y, becoming a mission volunteer and eventually a full time worker, and I am going to save this post and constantly refer back to it. Thank you. You have inspired me. Have a blessed trip to Canada and stay safe! God bless!