Month: November 2016

As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth; and he said to him, “Follow me.” And he got up and followed him.

– Matthew 9:9

[December 31, 2015 – Around 10AM]

Plans were set, goals in mind already brewing and processing. No changes to be made. Simply, another year at hand. Where would Hamilton-St. Catherine’s go next year? What is the state of music ministry in the area? My last term of university is about to begin, what next?

I thought I had it all figured out. The ship was ready to sail – actually it was ready to coast. On this day everything was set for cruising, like a plane about to reach cruising altitude. All I had to do was prepare for the New Years Eve party later that night.

[December 31, 2015 – 6PM]

I saw that I had missed a call from the GTA Area CC and thought it was something regarding the upcoming Regional Youth Conference, possibly to serve as a committee/sub-committee head. As I slid my finger left-to-right on their contact, to initiate the phone call, my mind was blank. It was already cruising. But then the Lord decided to shake things up. By the end of the call, what was once calm and cruising suddenly became a frenzy of what-ifs and constant measuring of pros and cons. I was asked to serve as the GTA West Sector head.

As the countdown continued, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5….., externally I was present but internally I had waged a war in my heart and mind.

[November 29, 2016]

As cliché as it sounds, who would’ve thought that in the span of 8 hours, or one day, that my life changed. Like Matthew, I was in my booth of comfort. I could just stay there, do my job, meet the bare minimum and continue moving forward. But in the same way, there was a plan set for Matthew, and he was called out from the comforts of his booth. And like for me, I was brought out of the comforts of my mind. God called me to step out in order to follow Him.

This reading has been speaking to me for a while now, because of how life-changing two simple words could be. Or in my case, how a calling could be so simple and not complex. All that is ever asked of us is to follow Him. No need to overcomplicate and overthink. No need to weigh one option versus another. Once Matthew was called, he simply got up and followed.

And so, each and every day of this year, the Lord has definitely called me to follow Him through many different challenges. I never knew where He would lead me, but each and every time I entrusted things to the Lord, He blessed me abundantly.

I can desire a lot of things, I can plan for things, adjusting them according to the present circumstances. However, when the Lord calls, I know that the only thing I should do, the only thing that any one of us should do, is to leave behind everything, answering that call and follow Him.

AMDG.

My hope for this community, is for SFC not only to be a transitional ministry; but a ministry of missionaries.

This year has been filled with service, events and mini conference preparation trips. However, I was greatly humbled the last two weekends witnessing two different missions fulfilled.

I was grateful to see a new mission area finally open and to take part of an out of country mission. My hope for this community, is for SFC not only to be a transitional ministry; but a ministry of missionaries. I envision a ministry where all members experience mission at least once during their tenure as an SFC.

Although unsure of my own future plans, I’m grateful for the opportunities the Lord has blessed me with this year and hope the Lord will allow me to go on mission again.

You don’t need to be an amazing speaker or the most organized traveller. The Lord only requests for a willing heart and trust that He will use you as an instrument for His Glory.

It all started with me being pursued. He wooed me at the very first encounter. He was so mysterious and I liked it! He was sending me constant signals that he wanted a relationship with me. Sometimes they were clear, other times the over-thinker in me clouded the signals and I was left confused.

Time was his greatest gift to me. He gave me his time when I was sick, when I was feeling down or sad, and he was always someone I can confide in. He was definitely there when I had my happiest and proudest moments. During the in-betweens, he was still sticking around! When family time, work, school and service got me busy, he was just there waiting for me. He challenged me in so many ways, but made sure I felt loved throughout the entire time.

I started to sometimes take him for granted, I wouldn’t talk to him because I became busy and it was just a hassle to stop and spend time with him. I started choosing others over him, even though I knew I was his priority. Then it got to a point when I would talk to him when I needed something. I found myself always asking him to help me. I would even get disappointed when he didn’t give me what I asked him, when he didn’t allow me to do the things I wanted to.

I would then start feeling bad for the way I treated him. He was so good to me, why can’t I appreciate him? I suddenly felt unworthy of his love. He loves me and always finds a way to show it. I on the other hand was too preoccupied with my own desires, or at least what I thought were my desires. I began to miss him, a lot! I looked for him everywhereThere was a void in my heart that only he would fill. But he was still always there.

Whether I realized it or not, he was pursuing me after all of these years. His mercy is endless and his love for me is overflowing. I am at a point in my life where I desire to pursue him. In spending time with him, in getting to know him, in wanting to be with him. Although it is still a challenge, I know that choosing to love him and serving him everyday is all worth it. I know that I am meant to be with him and to bring his light to others.

My heart longs to be with you, Lord. I will seek you and find you with all of my heart. May you never get tired of loving me and pursuing me. 

Amen.

Edmonton just hosted our very first Liveloud concert a week ago. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, the event was a success!!!

My October and early November was just filled with Liveloud, mostly promotions related as it was my service. Let me start this journal by saying that promotion wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.

I can still remember when our event heads, Niccolo and Kleah called me (separately) right after our MV shout asking if I would be willing to serve as the sister promotions and marketing head. Back in my mind I was contemplating if I will say yes or no; because I was planning to start studying for my licensure exam right after TNC and also for the fact that I haven’t served under promo ever. But I just brushed it off and said yes anyways, comforting myself with the thought that God won’t give me something I won’t be able to do.

After coming back in Edmonton and realizing how busy it will be, I honestly started to stress out. I realized how unskilled I am for this particular service. I am no artist at all, I just like taking photos and videos, but I am no YCOM or SCOM. Making graphics is not my strength either. All I can offer my counterpart during our first online meeting was to help with ideas and do the emails and talk to people. LOL.

It helped me a lot that my counterpart is very affirming and supportive, and I feel blessed to have a very chill and talented team as well. Our brainstorming was always fun, even our CCs for promo and marketing are all out in contacting parishes and clergies. In a way, my stress level only increases when I am working alone.

There were mishaps along the way, but what service doesn’t? It was crazy. Crazy but fun.

In the end, we were able to sell 1100 tickets. That feeling of seeing a lot of people outside of the community joining us during the concert was overwhelming. Priests worshipping with us, dancing and jumping with everyone, it was truly a sight to see. My heart was so full when the concert has ended. Seeing my fellow SFC brothers and sisters from other areas of Alberta driving 4-6 hours to Edmonton just to be with us, I felt the love that this community offers.

When we were all packing up, I found this peace deep in my heart, and heard God telling me to never doubt Him again. He reminded me of those nights when I was feeling incompetent, it was when I found the courage to start doing the graphics. Those days when parish priests are not allowing us to do announcements on Sunday masses, were the moment we thought of another promotion that helped us with our ticket sales. Those unexpected moments where we found ourselves in places where we didn’t really plan to be, but at the end of the night we were able to sell tickets. Those times I doubted if we will be able to use all the promo tickets given to us, ended up we needed more!

Those little miracles, God reminded me that He is always there. Ready to help us get up every time. He just wants us to initiate. Our Father just wants us to move, to enlarge our borders, to say yes, to take a step and start living boldly. To never doubt God whatever He handed something to me. To never question and say “why me”, how can I do it, am I equipped to do it.

Because if God called you, He will equip you.

“Furnish you with all that is good, that you may do his will. May he carry out in you what is pleasing to him through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever [and ever]. Amen.” Hebrews 13:21

 

Lately, I realized that my struggle with my service doesn’t come with the responsibilities or physical tasks the service requires. My recent struggles has been coming from the inside.

I didn’t realize when it started, it just hit me that I have been building walls around me. I have been too guarded and enclosed myself with towering walls. I am still friendly and approachable. I still don’t find it hard to make friends and to reach out for people. To understand them and to emphatize. I still see myself laughing with people around me.

But it has been getting worse. I have been selective of people who I talk to, who I share my thoughts with, who I hang out with; and it continuously gets worse, now even my friends will call me out and tell me why am I being so passive even with them.

I have to stop for awhile.
Check on myself.
Assess my heart.

And indeed, I have been distant. In the midst of laughing and asking people’s names, I will stop myself in investing too emotion or even try to build a deeper relationship with people around me.

Why? —I still can’t figure out why, maybe because of past hurts? I don’t know. All I know now is that I have to do something about it.

I cannot fully serve if my heart is restricted.
I love the Lord, yes. No doubt on that.
But as someone part of this community, it entails to have an open heart. To be able to connect and build relationships with people around you. To open up yourself so others will open up to you as well.
To be an effective evangelizer means to be good with building relationships

Here comes my realization that part of our mission is to be vulnerable. If I cannot open my heart to people I serve with, how can I open up and lift up my life to the Lord? How can I say that I entrust my life to Him, if merely getting to know people, building relationships and trusting them is hard to do?

Realizing this is the start, but having an open heart and being vulnerable to the Lord and to His mission is the goal.

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With this please pray with me,

Lord, bless me with Your grace of humility and strength that will allow me to open up myself to people around me
Take away all doubts and fear that locks and enslaves my heart
Teach me Your ways Jesus
Teach me how You openly accepted all Your disciples
How You shared Your everyday life with people You just met on the streets
Bless me with a loving heart just like Yours
Teach me to be vulnerable and loving, so that I can share myself to others just as how You shared Yours to us
Guide my heart Lord, that I may pattern it to Yours as I partake in Your mission
Amen.

(November 3)

Monday, November 21, 2016

Since Liveloud was introduced in Canada a few years back, I had a sense that the Liveloud praise and worship concert would one day be a great evangelization tool for our local CFC community. That said, I had hoped that CFC-Youth Edmonton would one day host Liveloud. For many, this dream had finally come into fruition on November 12 when CFC-Youth Edmonton hosted its very first Liveloud! Praise God!

In the morning, I was feeling tired because I hadn’t slept, as I was finishing the service team ID’s and the CFC-Youth booth that would be displayed at the Liveloud Expo. (I would not recommend not sleeping to anyone) But regardless of my tiredness, I couldn’t help but be so joyful and excited for the day that was to come.

As one of the event heads, I didn’t have anything committee-specific to do on the day of.  All I had to do was to give the service team ID’s to Secretariat/Admin. to disseminate, pick up a camcorder rental from Vistek, to set up the CFC-Youth booth for the Liveloud Expo, and to put makeup onto the band members (that was fun haha). As I would do these things, I would look around as I normally would and watch the youth and the many other CFC Family Ministry members work so diligently to put the event together. It was so great to see CFC come together as one in the Holy Spirit.

Time went by so quickly and before I knew it 7:45AM became 4:00PM. We were welcoming and expecting over 1000 people to come through those doors. Looking back it’s unbelievable that that we were expecting that many people to come because just two weeks prior, we had about 200 tickets sold. What a difference! Only God could make a miracle like that happen haha.

The Liveloud concert was amazing. The music. The videos. The messages. But what was more amazing was seeing all of the people worship God. All around me  and above me were groups of people I had never seen in my life and this made me excited because it meant that as a community we were evangelizing more and more people. I was also very grateful to God that I was able to experience this Liveloud with both of my parents, who probably haven’t been to a CFC community event since their last conference in 2007. It meant a great deal to me that my parents and friends came to support the event, despite not really knowing what to expect, but just coming because I had asked them to. But I know that Liveloud is not about me and I’m definitely okay with that (it would be extremely weird and awkward if it was LOL), but that it is and will always be about God, so it meant an even greater deal to me that my parents and friends came because it was an opportunity for them to experience and encounter God’s love in this special way.

At the end of Liveloud I was sharing with the service team that everything was so “mega” about this event. From the mega lettering to the mega number of people serving and guests in attendance, even to using online ticketing and the cool ticket scanning system we had, I was just feeling amazed at how — you guessed it — mega everything was, haha.

But none of this mega-ness would have been possible if it weren’t for God. No act of service from any of the committees would have contributed to the mission in this way if it weren’t for God’s love, mercy, and grace. There would be absolutely no point to a Liveloud concert if God and His love didn’t exist, but both God and His love do exist. There would be no theme to the Liveloud concert if God wasn’t merciful, but God is merciful. We would not have the ability and strength to go about excelling in our responsibilities and service if God’s grace wasn’t given to us, but God’s grace was given to us in unimaginable ways throughout the preparations and on the day of. Needless to say, God is so good for blessing us with His love and mercy, and giving us the grace to share our talents with others so that they can also experience His love.

This Liveloud was particularly special to me, not just because it happened or because my loved ones came, but because it just shows how great and faithful God is to the CFC community. God wants us to grow, so He made us grow. God wants us to evangelize, so He made us evangelize. God wants us to sing praises to Him, so He gave us the opportunity to do so. God wants us to turn our mourning into dancing, and that’s exactly what happened to everyone who was present.

This Liveloud concert can represent so many things to so many people, but I rejoice in knowing that for myself, this Liveloud concert doesn’t just represent an opportunity for people to experience God’s unconditional love and mercy — which is already an incredible gift. But reflecting on the mega-ness that existed at this Liveloud — or any Liveloud for that matter — leads me to ponder on God’s dominion and greatness, to recognize that no matter how great something seems to be, that nothing can come close to how unbelievably generous and great God is. He is the Lord of all, Saviour of sinners, Creator of the universe, and the Father Almighty. What we do can never add to God’s greatness and yet we are everything to Him. There is no greater love. There is nothing greater than God.

Ad majorem Dei gloriam.

Friday, November 4, 2016

For the past couple of years, whenever I’m at a CFC-Youth event, I take a few moments to just look around. As I watch the youth interact, this wide grin grows on my face because there is just this incomparable joy and delight that I experience, seeing how great God is in young people. Especially now that I’m not considered a “youth”, it has only occurred to me that the youth I serve with are there because they choose to be. Sure, many of them are probably forced — or as I see it ‘highly encouraged’ — by their parents to serve, but at the end of the day, they are making the choice to be present, to put the time and the work in, and to be joyful when they serve.

Today I attended a CFC-Youth service meeting here in Edmonton. There was a lot of giggling and chatter as usual haha, but these youth in junior high, high school, and university all chose to be at that meeting. How they got there was by their own effort. How they presented themselves with joy was because it was how they decided to act.

Looking back, I know what it’s like to be their age. School is tough. Making friends and sustaining friendships can be challenging. Family life is not always perfect. Growing up is hard. All of these difficulties that they face beat on their heart, but I think they know so clearly — just as I probably must have known growing up — that despite all of these hardships, God is still so good for providing them with the grace to endure. Coming to meetings and serving at events is an additional responsibility, and yet they still see it worth their time and effort. It’s an incredible gift to witness because they could be doing a million other things on a Friday night, but they choose to be at a meeting; they choose to share victories; they choose to give service updates; they choose to ask for prayer requests; they choose to prepare their hearts for future events. This is all their choice.

After the formal meeting, our CC’s welcomed us to stay in their home to hang out. Some of the youth decided to play ping pong, others decided to record Liveloud promo videos or take part in the Mussisionary Challenge, while others decided to just catch up and laugh with one another. For myself, I got involved in a conversation with a couple of brothers, one of them a FTPW and the other was a younger brother whom I’ve seen grow up in the community.

The younger brother was sharing about his experience at a Come and See last weekend at the local seminary. During the conversation I hadn’t thought of it, but upon reflection, it’s truly a grace to see this younger brother be serious about his vocation. I remember at the beginning of 2016, this brother and I led Edmonton’s first Vocation Recollection together, and now to see him take that next step in trying to discover God’s great plan for him is so special because he made the decision to participate in that Come and See. No one forced him to go. He didn’t even attend with a friend. He went all by himself. It was all his choice.

The youth that grow up in the community, including a lot of my friends who have now fully transitioned into SFC, want to deepen their relationship with God, they want to experience His love, and they want to align their will with His will. God is using this community to change normal, regular people to think about sainthood seriously. In one of today’s Mass readings, St. Pauls says so clearly that our citizenship is in Heaven, and this truth is being planted in the hearts of young people in this community. How beautiful is that?

I can’t find any explanation as to why the CFC-Youth community (and the entire CFC community) is so beautiful other than the fact that God’s love is so beautiful. The way I see it: all the things that we go through and all the things that challenge us are no match for God. God always takes care of us in our many services to Him and He keeps us so close to His heart while we endure the many tribulations we face. All is grace, always.

I always thought that choice was a little bit scary because making the wrong choice has never sat well with me. (That’s Type A for you) But why should making the wrong choice scare me? Isn’t God always going to be there anyways? I can’t lose with God on my side. It’s impossible to lose.

I’m thinking that the point of this reflection wasn’t necessarily to reflect on how much I love serving the youth nor the beauty of God’s love in the CFC-Youth community, but is actually a gateway for me to remember the beauty of God’s love in me and for me. I’m always going to be faced with choices — some seemingly more incredulous, while others not so much. But the point isn’t whether I make the wrong choice or the right one. The point is that God doesn’t abandon those He loves, even when we fail. And this is because God always waits and He always hopes that we will choose Him.

I believe God knows me more than I know myself, and so I also believe that He is more in tune in recognizing the hunger I’ve had for Him while I’ve been so idle. And now, at this very moment, He is asking me a question that He has asked St. Peter, “Do you love me?” And my humble response is, “Of course Lord, you know that I love you!” His response: “Tend my sheep. Feed my lambs.”

Service to God cannot be seen as a burden. Going to mass, reconciling with God through confession, praying, showing mercy, being committed to responsibilities all cannot be seen as a burden. Yes, it can be extremely challenging, so much that it can cause me to perceive them as annoyances — but in making the choice to do all of these things and regarding them as blessings, is experiencing the truest freedom — the freedom to choose Christ despite all difficulties.

This is what freedom truly is. It isn’t choosing the good, nor the greatest good. It isn’t choosing the right, the wrong, the best, or the worst. Freedom is choosing Christ above all things, always. It is believing that I will surely fail, but that God will not. It is trusting that the road to holiness will be hard, but not so much as to destroy me. It is in knowing that although I may walk and stumble in darkness, God’s light will always pierce through.