Ever have those moments when you eat something, that piece of food is just stuck in your mouth, attaching itself to the upper lining of your mouth, or it sits dry on your tongue? When I received the Holy Eucharist today and knelt down on my knees, I felt just that…

The consecrated Host lay in my mouth and it just remained dry… It just wouldn’t dissolve despite of having tried to for a while. Then, as I closed my eyes, I said…

“Be with me Lord, I thirst.”

At that moment, the Host moistened and it became consumable.

No matter how much knowledge of faith we consume, it just sits there, like the consecrated Host, until we receive it wholly and holy with the Lord. Despite of it being GOOD, something so holy cannot be consumed with just our human hands and our human selves. The fact is: WE NEED THE LORD, ALWAYS in order to fully consume the WORD. And the WORD won’t reveal Itself in our lives unless we CHOOSE to welcome Him in and be embraced by His love.

Coming from RYC WORD, this moment and its revelation attached is only so fitting. As knowledgeably holy as I try to be, I can never be whole until I allow myself to completely unify my heart and my mind with the Lord.

Holiness is WHOLENESS.

I cannot be whole without the Lord. In “consuming” holiness, it isn’t enough to ask and to receive. It isn’t enough to seek and to find, but I must ALWAYS (no matter how simple or how complex my situation may be) knock to meet God where He is always waiting for me, right where I am, to open the door.

I’m human. I am a sinner. And I thirst. But He is the only Drink that can quench what is dry, and allow me to consume what is holy so that I can be whole. Realizing this, my prayer stands…

Be with me Lord… I thirst.

And in this prayer, I am brought back to my life verse:
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”
(Psalm 130: 5-6)

Amen.

I went to mass last Wednesday and I was seated beside a tita who served in CFC-Youth. Since we were both taking the same train we just walked together after mass. I realized then that it’s not yet 6:30pm meaning I have to get and Add-on to my train ticket which is $1.25. I told the tita if we can wait for another 20mins before going home and just stay in the mall and it was okay with her. I was just expecting that we would sit in one of those couches in the mall and talk for 20mins.

Surprisingly she suggested that we go to H&M so 20mins won’t be so long. So we went to the shop and just strolled around trying to see if there is anything on sale. Not for long we were looking at some clothes and I noticed that we both do the same thing. After looking at the design, checked on the price tag right after. Then she asked me how I manage things with what I want to have and what I buy.

I told tita that I really had to change my lifestyle. I remember when I first joined missionary work, it was a conscious effort for me to do that. The change of lifestyle includes primarily the frequency of shopping, watching movies, acquiring gadgets and going to places for leisure. Eventually the change of lifestyle goes beyond  being financially conscious to simplicity of lifestyle and good stewardship.

There is no sense of deprivation, everything becomes a blessing. The Lord takes a greater part of what and how life is lived. Everything is of the Lord because the Lord is everything.

 

“Thank you God for all the things that you have provided us with. You are generous and caring, you never stop seeking for us. Most blessed Father, may we know how to seek you first above all things and place everything that we have – jobs, material wealth, relationships under it and may your Holy Spirit help us always.”

 

We all fall…a lot.

Since lent started, the thing that has come up a lot lately is, worthiness. We often feel guilt when we sin, and end up pushing the Lord away. We feel ashamed, ugly, and unworthy of God’s love.

“No one, however weak, is denied a share in the victory of the cross. No one is beyond the help of the prayer of Christ.” – St. Leo the Great

When I came across this quote on Tuesday, I realized that God actually seeks us more when we are at low points in our lives. He loves  and seeks us more when we are weak, so we can find strength in Him. Worthiness of God’s love is not measured by how much we serve Him or how many sins we’ve committed. Jesus died for ALL of us, so there is NO MEASURE.

Yeah, I know. It sounds so cliché. But forreal, our God is a simple God. He just wants us to be honest and own up to our flaws and weaknesses. He won’t love us any less for being weak. It just wouldn’t make sense. John 3:16, yo!

It’s so fitting that it’s Lent. We are given the opportunity to practice humility and simplicity, which are qualities of the Lord, as we go live up to our lenten promises. Whether we give something up or take up something, we are growing in Him. Our growth then outweighs our weakness! Now, how can we not be worthy after that?

The other day, I caught myself staring at a Eucharistic Minister (not for the reasons that you assume :P). I couldn’t take me eyes off him – he was very tall; he had dark curly hair, and he had an aura to him that made him look like some kind of angel (I honestly couldn’t even tell if he was male or female).  As he was distributing the Eucharistic, I noticed that he looked so intimately and intently in each person’s eyes and shared the Lord with so much joy – such an inviting gaze. I imagine that the Lord would probably have the same loving disposition. How delighted he must be when he is given the chance to be united with us and to shower us with his infinite graces! And how many times have I refused this loving invitation?

Lord, I approach you with so much hesitation because of my sinful nature, but I can’t help but feel that the feeling of unworthiness in itself is preventing me from approaching you without reserve and with true confidence.

All those times I’ve refused your personal invitation into your heart… For all the times I’ve failed to understand the remedy and healing that comes from receiving the Eucharistic for my weak soul. Lord, I want to accept every invitation that you ever extend to me, for I know that you are a God that does not seek a perfect disposition but a heart of good will.  Let my heart be one with yours.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to be trained for full-time pastoral work. I am currently at the airport gate trying to put to words all the emotions, affirmations and messages I’ve received from the Lord in my prayer time and through His people.
Everything happened pretty quickly. It was only 3.5 weeks ago that I found out there was an opportunity for me to be assigned somewhere. Next thing I know, I’m having interviews and in the span of a few days, I have to make the decision to leave my engineering position and pursue pastoral mission work.

I’ve been with my former company for about 2.5 years. Doesn’t seem like a long time but in that time, the Lord really made known my innate desires of mission. The position also helped me develop as a professional and contribute to several projects which I can stand behind with a sense of accomplishment.

But looking back at it now, I know that the Lord has been always asking something more of me. And maybe that’s why I didn’t have much hesitation leaving work. I had no negative feelings towards the work or the people I worked with but I certainly knew that there was something more. So when I gave my two week notice, my boss, although caught off guard, admired what I was doing – answering a calling. He affirmed me in my development as an engineer and said that this experience would make me an even better engineer, should I choose to go back to that profession. Similar feelings were echoed by the clients I directly worked with and this made my decision to leave easier because of the peace I would leave with knowing that people supported me. And I barely knew them!

In a similar way, I was able to share this conviction and peace with my extended family. It was brought up with my parents consistently throughout the year but specifically, at the foot of their bed for this news. Afterwards I drove straight to my girlfriends house and shared with her and her family the news. Each instance was received well and it helped that they knew I was discerning about this for quite some time. To be able to share every single desire and conviction in my heart with complete openness, and having them support and encourage me, affirmed and strengthened the peace and joy that I received when I said YES.

If you asked me 1 year ago how I feel about full time pastoral work, I would probably say it isn’t for me. But I’ve learned that the Lord uses every day experiences to speak to me. Through my many faults, many victories, many heartaches, and many moments of happiness, the Lord revealed a desire that He planted in me when I was born.

I believe that every person is made to love God. In different moments of our life, we are called to love God in different, but concrete ways. Sometimes it’s through our studies, or by being a good son/daughter. For others, loving God is by getting married and having a family, or becoming religious or even a priest. But each person’s calling, although similar in state, are so unique and personal. For me, I am called to love God as a full time pastoral worker.

God will call and will continue to call me. He will call me to places that may seem unfamiliar or scary. He may also call me to places of familiarity or peace. Wherever and whenever He calls me, it is always with a purpose. I love planning and being one step ahead. But this experience has helped me to really let God lead me.

Wherever I am called to, I can go there with a sense of peace and joy because He promises to be with me to the end of the age. That promise is enough for me to live each day with joy. He is my strength.

Today I was scheduled to work from 1-9pm. Usually I have Wednesday evenings off because that is when the upper core schedules our service team meetings and households. This week unfortunately my schedule was switched around to an evening shift which meant I would miss my sisters household.

As I started my day I felt really sad because I was missing household. Once I was at work I was reflecting on how I’ve been having a tough week and felt the need to be at household tonight.

During my shift, my household head and a sister from my household came from to visit me after having a one on one. “We’ll miss you tonight!” “Aww man, I really want to be there”

I wanted to go to household. I felt that The Lord was calling me to be there. I needed to be there.

After they left I silently prayed to myself, “Lord if I’m meant to be there tonight, I know you will make it happen.”

As I was getting off at work, my mom called me asking if I needed to get picked up from the skytrain. I told her yes. Few minutes after, I got a call from a sister from my household telling me that they just finished worship and that I could still make it…

Wow really God?! Your timing is so perfect! Everything could not of been more perfect.

I didn’t think I’d be able to make it to household but God paved a way!!

I was filled with joy. God is good!

As I was commuting to my sisters house I felt so happy and so joyful. Funny enough once I arrived the teaching for the night was on joy.

Seeking the joy in our sufferings. Shining light on the struggles and trials we face on a daily basis.

Although my week started off rough, I know that this was Gods way of revealing me the beauty of suffering.

He wanted me to remain joyful because He planned everything perfectly and for me to experience the fullness of His will.

He was testing my patience and how much I really trusted in Him.

“Don’t you believe that I will provide for you?”

This simple reflection has allowed me to just trust, have faith, and understand that God really has a plan. When all of our own plans fail, He will have something better prepared and it will work out for the best. He wants the best for us.

“No one who ever said to God, ‘Thy will be done’ and meant it with his heart, ever failed to find joy.”

Thank You God!!

Benedictus Deus in Saecula

A message from the Lord that might be of good use for reflection:

“My child, everyone must take a reasonable care for himself. In time of temptation arouse yourself,  warn yourself, guard yourself and avoid idleness. No matter how much you do for others, do not neglect yourself altogether. Beware of too much talking. Whenever possible, try to be alone with Me. Take advantage of My presence. YOU POSSESS HIM WHOM THE WHOLE WORLD CANNOT TAKE FROM YOU. I am worth more than everything else put together.” p.64 “My Daily Bread”

Thank you Jesus. Amen.