With all the things I know, there is one thing I’ve recently come to understand… though we try to understand and explain God logically, it never completely suffices because God is not just logical; He is Spiritual.
There are only so many things the human mind and heart can comprehend, but when it comes to God, His voice become strongest when I don’t try to understand solely with my all my mind (which is probably why I get headaches when over-analyzing), but with ALL my heart and with ALL my soul. I think that’s why the journey to truly find Him and seek Him above all else can be so challenging…because we’re made to feel the need to just understand, but in my recent experiences, He has challenged me to focus on using “all” my heart and mind to have faith in Him, alone.
There were times where I’ve thought so hard about what I wanted that I was beginning to forget to hang on to the source of divine peace in my life. I was seeking selfish ways of being pursued by my desires and brought less focus to my prayer time as if I could keep a “prayer credit” for the things I had begun to ask for. I was asking, but I was slowly beginning to forget to seek.and because I couldn’t bring myself to seek, I was beginning afraid to knock. But praise the Lord – our God is a loving God Who when we are silent, His voice becomes loud and He never stops waiting for even the most faint knock.
He had spoken so loudly in silence, and I had been speaking so loudly in my mind. But the silence was so much greater than the loudness of my heart and in that silence, I began to understand that what my mind cannot see and comprehend is something Unexpected and Inexplicable… but It brings a calming peace to my heart, and it reaches deeply into my soul.
Now that I am getting back on my feet, acknowledging all things in my life and not mere compartments, I have honestly never felt life feel more real… at the end of the day, missionary or not, the fact is: I AM HUMAN. Another fact is: I AM ALSO A CHILD OF GOD. As the human child needs and seeks his or her father, the divine part of my being turns that desire to a need and seeking for my heavenly Father.
As a human being, I cannot help but have these moments and times of imperfection. But as a child of God, I can be led closer and closer to my Father Who is perfect through even the tiniest step in asking, seeking, and knocking and opening the doors to what is Good. Missionary or not, evil exists, temptations exist, trials exist.Nevertheless, behind all of that is something that can be good, ALWAYS, and that is what I pay to strive for… not to be perfect, but to simply be good…
I used to panic and be so frustrated when I couldn’t completely analyze and understand something. And it wasn’t until recently that I felt that again. But as I began to get back on my feet and muddle up the courage to turn to Him FIRST above all, I began to come back to the feeling of peace I had come to know within the past year. When I don’t understand, I am at peace. In fact, I am excited.
When I don’t completely comprehend what is before me, I can feel glad because it is yet another opportunity to let His grace fall upon my heart. I have faith that my heavenly Father is always listening. And if He is a Father Who never stops listening, then He is also a Father Who never stops working, for what father can turn away when their child is fervently seeking his help? If my earthly father knows not how to turn away, then how much more for my Father in heaven? It is in this understanding that although God is spiritual, what is spiritual becomes divinely logical.
“Even to your old age I am He,
and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
I will carry and will save.”
(Isaiah 46: 4)
AMDG.
In patience,
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us,
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.
Amen.