So recently I haven’t been consistent with my reflections, big part of reason is TIME. Me and Time, we always struggle when it comes to preparing something especially when it comes to writing or preparing on how would I express my thoughts in right understandable manner. Expressing my thoughts into just nice simple sentence is hard for me. Especially when I’m thinking about has so much levels, or what I mean is how am I goanna decipher the things in my head and make it to a sentence kinda thing. ( Don’t know why I started my reflection like this by over sharing, writing a lot, it almost coming in to a different topic).
I think I’ve said this somewhere in my reflections but this summer has been my busiest, and I feel like I’m busier than school with all the work, service, and MVA things I must do.
Sorry that was an unnecessary long intro that could be condense. But my point being that it is hard to balance all the things I’ve listed on top of having improving/working on your relationship with God. Which for me, my “ me and God time” hasn’t been well. Even after SHOUT, after my spiritual high wares off and I get to the rhythm of my daily life, I’m consumed to the task in front of me.
But the crave to talk to Him more is still there.
I know there are other things that would prevent me from spending time with the Lord. But these should not be used excuses to not have time for God. I did fall using time as my excuses many times. But God gave me His time to use, and we should not take it for granted. And God will nudge you to the right direction that there is always a way if need be. Which it happen yesterday, after my excuse but not excuse anymore, I finally went to a trinity run again.
To paint this week picture I had 3 closing shifts, out of nowhere musicmin practice, a core meeting, and prayer assembly. So this week is busy, so planning a trinity run that works with my schedule and fairly easy to commute is quite hard in Ottawa. And going to a trinity run was always in the back of my mind. As I complain to this brother wanting to go to trinity run He checks and then finds a parish that we have never heard or been but the TIME checks out. And this planning was also the midnight before we went. And then next thing you know we are in a small parish in downtown. Probably the smallest parish I’ve been. I was so happy. During that time I felt like I’m catching up with a friend who I have not spoken in a while, telling all the ups and downs, my victories, my blessings, and so on.
Well God proven himself once again on reminding me that He will give me time to spend more with him.
Maybe the reason why I brought up my intro is that I wanted my end result to be perfect, by doing so I need to plan and think more what I need to do. The perfect time. But in reality we are in God’s time, not ours. The perfect timing will always come from him not to us.
As I summarize my reflection I realize I think there is one more reason why I brought up is that I think there is like a underlying about how sometimes I need to go with the flow (in my case just write , don’t over think). Because of my obsessive desire to control everything to prevent failure or imperfection in my limited time it also affected my spiritual life. How trusting everything to the Lord with my life with no sign to tell that you’re doing good I still struggle
Letting go EVERYTHING and letting God in which I still strive for.
I don’t even know now what my point is now or if still related but I’ll just say time and control go hand in hand, as I realize through my reflection, if we stop controlling everything and let God do the work I think there is more time that we will experience with Him.
(I apologize if you didn’t understand my reflection, and I hope my next reflection will have more TIME to write)
Gabby Pador