On Friday I finished my last exam of this semester! Well technically of this school year. Bittersweet feeling I must say.. Because after stressing so much the past four months about my part time courses, I now have time off school until the end of April.
What first came into mind was, “Man, this really sucks. If I hadn’t of screwed up last year I would have been able to graduate this coming April 2015.” Another thought was, “Now what am I going to do now until my internship in May?!” …All this negativity just circling my brain.
Because I was unable to do my internship in May-August 2014, I wasnt able to continue on to fourth year – thus setting my graduation date a year late. It was emotionally draining me because I knew I wasn’t going to graduate with some of my friends I’ve met and adored from first year. I didn’t exactly know how to break it to my parents that I couldn’t continue with school because I didn’t want them to worry about the financials. And lastly, I didn’t want people thinking “low” of me because I wasn’t graduating on time…
Then I realized, because of this “huge” mishap, I was able to experience great things this summer and come end of this year. Here are a few,
- I went to Vancouver! For those who don’t know, I haven’t been on a plane since I’ve migrated from the Philippines back in 1998. So that’s been a very long time! This was also the first trip I’ve gone to without my parents, or any family member, so think about how nerve wracking that must have been for me! The anxiety of getting on the plane for the first time and independently travelling was such a blessed experience.
- I attended TNC 2014! This has been my biggest blessing in the community yet. Being in CFC-Y since 2005, having been able to attend the True North Conference with brothers and sisters from all over Canada was almost mind blowing to me. Yes I’ve attended past conferences, but this one was different. I’ll share this in another blog, hehe.
- I have grown more, emotionally and spiritually. With this small set back I had from school, I dealt with a lot of negative emotion. But the Lord still continued to bless me. The amount of times I seeked Him in order to distract myself from harming myself in one way or another. This year was all about trust and acceptance – everyone can attest that. I cannot begin to explain the amount of blessings He has showered me this year. The thought of not graduating with my friends definitely saddened me, but what I am grateful for was their friendship in the end. I am just so grateful that I met these amazing friends I can bring along in my journey and to hear that they will continue to support me definitely brought a smile to my face. Secondly, after explaining to my parents about what happened, I noticed the sincere worry they had on their faces. Not because they were disappointed that I was not going to graduate on time, but because deep down they knew I was afraid of opening up to them. First thing my mom told me was “Do not worry, just pray and you will get through this.” And that was the reassurance I needed from my parents all along.
I’m continuing to accept change because it is inevitabe. The Lord is constantly working and molding us that trying to deny these changes will only slow down what He has planned for us. So maybe this “mishap” was a blessing from above after all. Of all the things that were happening within the community this year and everything beyond that, I was able to experience BECAUSE of this mishap blessing. Because I continued to open my heart and trust Him, only made this change that much easier to accept. This step back from school was only a step forward with my relationship with Christ because He made me see all the beauty (such as all the mountains and enormous sushi from Vancouver, TNC and serving backstage, endless prep for Kids Village, road trips with my family, etc) He had in store for me the past couple of months.
So now until April, I’m excited for what lies ahead. Whether it be my service in CFC-Y, KFC or my family and the church. I must remind myself to stop questioning and start accepting.
God bless!
