This Is Love

These past three months have been very difficult for me. I find myself (almost) unbearably dry despite my continuous efforts to seek the Lord. In this experience I realize that it is very easy to allow my emotions to control me, my attitude, and my perception of each situation presented before me.

In this period dryness, the Lord has placed an overwhelming load of responsibilities–and to be honest–I failed miserably. During advent I struggled with juggling everything and I started to feel like I was failing. Frustration soon took over and became the thief of all virtues that I had. I lost my patience (most especially with my counterpart… LAWL.. sorry! Love you!) and was very quick to be harsh and spiteful. I was as grouchy as the grinch. However, come Christmas day, the Lord still made a home in my unworthy heart, and showed me that His joy is constantly overflowing–even in moments of desolation.

But I jumped the gun. I thought that through this realization what would soon follow would be a wellspring of consolation… man, was I ever wrong. Come January, I was quickly thrust back into the reality of my responsibilities with the addition of Regional Leaders Retreat preparation as the event head, all the while I was (and still am) as dry as desert. When I thought I had already reached my limits in the month prior, the Lord stretched me even further. And it hurt. A lot. 

I was frequently tempted to indulge in my emotions–indulge in my tiredness, my anger, my hunger, my pride, and my impatience. To be honest, there were quite a few times where I failed. Terribly. However, I would like to think that the Lord sees this interior battle of giving way for the Holy Spirit to reign in this heart. Looking back now, I realize that each time I humbly died to myself the Holy Spirit had enlarged its territory in my heart. And slowly but surely, the virtue of charity took hold of my heart.

It all makes sense that such is the case. Was it not when the Lord died on the cross that the greatest act of charity, of Love, was manifested? It is in continually choosing to die to thineself that we truly experience what it means to Love more–and this, this is Love.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more Love” (Blessed Mother Teresa).

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus,
May You continually plead us to willingly give all of ourselves so that we may readily be the vessels of Your love.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (PHIL 1:21).