The Building and Breaking of Walls

             I’m turning 25 in a few short months and I have never spent February 14^th with a significant other. There were many times when I would spend this day licking my wounds and feeling more or less alone. Spending the day wishing I had let my guard down at some point in the year so that today I would have flowers, chocolates, and a hand in mine. As Valentine’s Day rolled around, I would spend my day staring angrily at the walls I had built, blinking hot tears away as I cursed the bricks of stone I had so neatly stacked. “It’s your own doing that you’re alone,” I would whisper to myself. Why had I not let anyone in? Why was I so afraid?

                There were even times when people would come close to the wall. I could hear them from the other side. A boy, placing his hand against the cold, hard stone. “How do I get in?” He would call out to me. “I… I don’t know,” I would call back, feeling defeated that my own fortifications were able to do the job in which I created them for. Then the boy and I would sit there, at opposite sides of the wall, talking, but never fully seeing each other. But as alone as I was, I had liked the comfort and protection that the walls provided. No one could hurt me from in here.

                Father, You have seen it all. You watched me as I tirelessly lugged the stone blocks back and forth, mustering all my energy as I heaved them on top of one another. Father, You saw how once I had completed the towering barricades, I stood there proudly crossing my arms and nodding as I marvelled its height. And Father, You saw how as the years passed, I grew weary of the echoes of my own voice as I called out to no one. You saw how even when I tried to break my own walls down, I couldn’t.

                Lord, I ask You now to help us… help us break down these walls that we’ve created. Take down the walls we might have built around ourselves, thinking that we were protecting our own hearts. Remind us that our hearts were never really here with us, but they have been up there with You all along… Give us gentle nudges when through our own fears of getting hurt, we might be closing ourselves off to well-meaning friendships. We know, Lord, we know, that You want our happiness more than we do, and never would you intend for us to get hurt.

                I sit here now smiling, because all this time You were always my Valentine.