This past couple months was a rollercoaster ride of my faith in trusting God’s plan for me, especially surrounding my application process of becoming a MV. Every message I received, every action I made, and every prayer I said, I felt that my heart will explode. It even got to the point almost every week I would have a random 5 min mental breakdown(exaggerating) out of nowhere. In class, in the bus, or when I was about to sleep(I hate that).
Like I said rollercoaster!
Part of the reason why I’m having random “mental breakdowns” is my fears and doubts on what God has possible in store for me, lacking trust in God’s plan. I’m not saying I don’t believe His plan for me. There is just some days that is hard for me to fully embrace His plans because it falls on how I sometime feel lacking or unworthy on the things He is calling me to do especially if He calls me to be an MV. So, I kept asking for him to give me strength and courage to overcome those walls. But those thoughts kept lingering in my head.
So, after I went to confession this week, I was praying and found myself thinking how grateful I am where God has worked through my life and through the people I surround with. I was amaze how interconnected our lives with each other. How His works is so complex but He made it happen and it’s amazing
On that point I realized He had guided my past with no fail. He will guide my future with no fail. I don’t need to doubt or fear because He already proved to me that He will guide me to whatever He has in store.
Through our lifetime, I think God is constantly trying to gain our trust but we stubbornly doubt it even though its right in front of our eyes.
Like in yesterday’s Gospel “The Walk to Emmaus” there are two followers and was told that Jesus is alive but did not believe it as they were telling Jesus himself who they did not recognize. But Jesus kept showing without telling them that He is Jesus.
Even though in the future I might doubt again with His plan, I have this great reminder to open my eyes again that He will guide me through this rollercoaster, for I know His plan for each of us is great. But for now, I might have to just sit tight, hold on my dear life, scream my heart out, and enjoy to see the great things that God has in store for me. (WOOO!!!!)
Gabby Pador