My family is the most important part of my life. And although some of my actions towards them may not seem like it, I truly do love them. They definitely are one of the heaviest crosses that I carry with in my journey. I cannot remember any sharings that I have done without having to break into tears because of them. It used to be difficult for me to express my love for them, but by God’s grace and because of this beautiful community, I was given the courage to really express it in ways that I have never done so before.
I have had my fair share of struggles within my family during this past year, but through it all, one thing that I can definitely say for sure is that, the Lord had continued to provide and be present through and through.
In many of my reflections this past year leading up to this present moment, the Lord was loud and clear. It IS necessary to suffer. In order to experience true joy, one must go through a season of suffering. It is in our present sufferings that we learn the true value of our joys. It is in our present sufferings that we gain the many graces and blessings. But we can be sure that, “…the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase.” – St. Rose of Lima.
In having said that, I feel that, this is where the Lord continually tests me in my faithfulness to Him. And I strongly do believe that, it is through understanding and having complete faith and trust in the Lord that helps to surpass all difficulties.
Throughout this year, I continued to question the Lord in all of His doings. And in many of my reflections, the Lord continued to reveal to me the same message. He is in fact, very intentional. But in being intentional, He is purposeful as well. He is purposeful, intentional and very specific in all of His dealings with us. He breaks us with a purpose. And in breaking us, it is only to build us back up stronger than we were before. It is through our sufferings that the Lord makes His will known and apparent. Without the trials, how would we know what true happiness or true joy really is? And how will we have the desire for the all of the true, good and beautiful things that He has promised to us?
In having a heavy cross, I have accepted and am willing to continue carrying it for as long as the Lord so desires. Yes, I am weak. And yes, I have fallen many times, but because the Lord has not given up on me, who am I to give up on Him? The Lord was both human and divine and yet, he showed His human nature in His weakness and sufferings through the cross. He embraced His cross with passion and humility. Just as the Lord had done, I too am called to carry and embrace my cross with humility and utmost surrender.
“Although the cross speaks of suffering, it signifies love.” (Shout out to the person who gave a session on the passion of the Lord on the cross this past year. I just can’t remember who.)
Excerpt from the Life of St. Rose of Lima
Our Lord and Savior lifted up his voice and said with incomparable majesty: “Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase. Let men take care not to stray and be deceived. This is the only true stairway to paradise, and without the cross they can find no road to climb to heaven”.
When I heard these words, a strong force came upon me and seemed to place me in the middle of a street, so that I might say in a loud voice to people of every age, sex and status:“Hear, O people; hear, O nations. I am warning you about the commandment of Christ by using words that came from his own lips: We cannot obtain grace unless we suffer afflictions. We must heap trouble upon trouble to attain a deep participation in the divine nature, the glory of the sons of God and perfect happiness of soul”.
That same force strongly urged me to proclaim the beauty of divine grace. It pressed me so that my breath came slow and forced me to sweat and pant. I felt as if my soul could no longer be kept in the prison of the body, but that it had burst its chains and was free and alone and was going very swiftly through the whole world saying:
“If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights! Without doubt they would devote all their care and concern to winning for themselves pains and afflictions. All men throughout the world would seek trouble, infirmities and torments, instead of good fortune, in order to attain the unfathomable treasure of grace. This is the reward and the final gain of patience. No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men”.
Lord, thank you for the trials and tribulations that You have allowed me to experience. Increase my sufferings, and with them, increase Your love in my heart. Only by Your grace can I reach eternal happiness and immense joy. Teach me patience, teach me humility, teach me to love even more than I can imagine.
St. Rose, lily among the thorns, pray for us.
St. Rita, advocate of the impossible, pray for us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have Mercy on us.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.
