From October 5 – 10 I had the privilege of attending the “Theology of the Body (TOB) I: Head and Heart Immersion” course at the Black Rock Retreat Centre in Quarryville, Pennsylvania. It’s the first course of three that goes over the entire Theology of the Body that St. John Paul II wrote just before his pontificate, that he shared during 129 wednesday general audiences in Rome. Our instructor for the course, Christopher West, has spent more than a decade studying this theology and has dedicated his life to proclaiming its message to the world. One of the ways he does this is through the catechetical Theology of the Body Institute which he co-founded, and through his evangelization ministry, The Cor Project. The TOB I: Head and Heart Immersion course covers only half of the content of St. John Paul II’s original Theology of the Body documents. Though it covered only half, I feel like the impact it has made on me and my fellow classmates will last for a lifetime.
The atmosphere of the course is meant to be like a “classroom in a retreat.” Daily activities consisted of praying the Liturgy of the Hours, Holy Mass, Confession, adoration, meals, a couple of two hour sessions by Christopher West, and opportunities for Q & A and sharing our grace-filled experiences. The venue was located far from the city and hid delightfully within the woods. We were surrounded by nature trails and trees. Also, there was a wonderful lake (pictured above) that added to the retreat experience. Our “classroom” was actually a chapel because it contained the tabernacle with presence of the Blessed Sacrament. Yes, that’s right, we got to learn about TOB before the Blessed Sacrament. We spent nearly five hours per day in the presence of Jesus, soaking all He wanted us to learn and simply hear from Him. Our “classroom” and everything about the venue was awesomely conducive for reflection and immersion of the head and heart.
I had the pleasure of meeting many individuals from all across North America. My roommate, Bryan, is from Mystic, Connecticut and works at a Catholic retreat island! I also befriended many priests, religious brothers and sisters, fellow lay missionaries, youth ministers, mothers, fathers, YouTube musicians, a Lutheran pastor, and many others. There was about 90 of us. It was great to have met so many people in different walks of life. The diversity truly testified to the Truth of TOB and how it draws all peoples. We shared many experiences together and have vowed to say a prayer for each other every day. It’s amazing how I feel so connected to everyone and how assured I feel that we will all pray for each other.
The Lord spoke to us in many different ways but, of course, especially through Christopher as he taught us about the TOB. We were each given a course handbook that contains the entire outline of what was taught. Many of us were there to learn, but on the first day, Christopher lovingly and sternly told us that we shouldn’t be there to learn for the sake of teaching, but to listen for the sake of hearing the voice of the Lord and allowing Him to transform our hearts and speak to the very depths of our core. Heeding his advice, I put down my pen and opened my heart to the Lord. Emptied, He filled me. Vulnerable, He spoke in my nakedness.
I have returned feeling different. Renewed. Thirsting more. Loved.
There are many things I can say but at this time I’d like to share with you the main grace which I feel the Lord has given me. The Lord taught me how to pray. Now, more than ever, do I feel like the woman at the well. The words that have been reverberating in my heart have been “stay in the ache.” I’ve realized how easily I am not willing to stay in there—to stay thirsting and yearning for the Lord. I have settled too easily in satisfying that hunger in my heart with worldly lures and self-gratification. I haven’t truly had faith in the Gift of the Lord, but rather have grasped at fulfilling my own life. I have since learned to wait on the Lord, who truly loves me and will not leave me barren. At the story of the woman at the well, Jesus’ thirst preceded the woman’s thirst. Jesus asks me for a drink because He wants and thirsts for my love more than I for His. This is amazing. He asks me for a drink, then offers me to fill my well with water that will never run dry. He offers me a drink that would truly quench my thirst for every desire of my heart. Instead of trying to satisfy the ache on my own, I am inspired to stay in the ache and wait for the Lord. I want to long for Him, for prayer is nothing but making myself a longing for the Lord. Even if there are no words during the agony, I will make my longing and ache my prayer to my Lord Jesus Christ, the lover of my soul.
During adoration on the wednesday, I felt the Lord speak to me. This is what He said:
“In Your Ache”
Stay with Me in your ache
Let Me expand your heart
In your suff’ring and pain
I will never departYou might feel I’m away
You might think that I’m gone
My child, I’m here to stay
I’ve been here all alongDon’t listen to the lie
That My Gift will not come
I’m yours and you are Mine
You always have My loveSo long as you abide
So long as you don’t leave
Trust Me with your whole life
Persevere, and you’ll seeYou will see Me in all
Your joy will be complete
If you just heed My call
In your ache–stay with Me
Amen.