Tag: God’s love

Who am I?

I struggle with my sense of self-worth. I can’t seem to find who I am. I try to walk with confidence and present myself with poise and grace, but inside, I wonder if I am really so important. If I am really worth anything.

In the huge expanse of time and space, I am nothing. I am a mere dot in the immenseness that is the world. I am a sinner. I fall time and time again. Why would God, in all His greatness, choose me? Why would He want me? And why, even after all that failing, after all my sins and hurt I’ve put on Him, why would He still love me?

This sounds like a pessimistic post, but it’s not. It really isn’t. I am nothing. I am a sinner. I fail, all the time. But our God, in all His righteousness and glory, loves me. He loves me. He is the One that lifts me up, every single time. He is the One who finds me, in the midst of all the chaos around me.

And in my times of struggle, Casting Crown lyrics always find their way into my head:

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean; a vapour in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling

And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours.

My Only Love

My Only Love- Matt Maher

The first time I heard this song I was so taken aback by how much the artist, Matt Maher, understood love. Listen to the words. That love, that relationship he sings about, is everything that anyone could ever want. The love that he sings about is true love.

Anyone who knows me that I can show love, but it’s very hard for me to accept love. I get uncomfortable with it. Sometimes I push it away. But I still want to be loved. We all thirst for a lasting, comfortable, filling love. And we all want someone who will be there for us forever. And this song, it knows. Matt Maher sings with the desire of my heart.

If you didn’t know, this song is a love song from God. It’s about how much He loves us. It’s about His undying, never-failing, constant and true love.

And when you hear it, you can’t help but be in awe of His love. His deep commitment to love each and every one of us, as if there were only one of us to love. We may fail each other a million times. And we may fail our God a million times more than that. But He, our good and righteous God, our loving, redeeming, wonderful Saving Grace, He will never fail us. He will never leave us. He will always, always, always, always, love us. Each and every one of us is His one. His only love.

I still want you
Yes, I need you
To have and to hold you,
After all of these years

I will listen to your problems,
Won’t try to fix them,
Just wipe away your tears

And if you need me in the middle of the night my dear
I’ll stay awake ’til morning light, and chase away your fears

So come closer, right here forever, 
Deep in my heart beat.
Together as one
My only love

And if you need me in the middle of the night, my dear
I’ll stay awake ’til morning light, and chase away your fears

So come closer, right here forever, 
Deep in my heartbeat,
Together as one
My only love

Be a Miracle

At the One Conference (a Vancouver Archdiocesan event) this weekend, I went to a workshop called Credible and Authentic Witnesses led by Fr. Chris Lynch. And he said something that really made me think:

When we lack a miracle, we must become that miracle. In the absence of miracles, seek the miracle worker.

You see, I’ve been waiting for a miracle. Right before Christmas doctors found a tumour in my uncle’s brain. And about a month ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He finished radiation to his brain and recently started chemotherapy. It sucks. For everyone. Our families avoid the topic but you can see we are all scared and all frightened and all upset. And I keep praying that he will get better against all odds. I have been begging God for a miracle.

But I don’t know if the miracle I want is in God’s plan for us. However, this quote, this speaker,  reminded me that it isn’t the miracle I seek, it’s God. Ultimately I am calling out for the loving kindness of my Father in Heaven. For His compassion and mercy. And just because my uncle’s cancer doesn’t suddenly disappear doesn’t mean that God isn’t at work. And just because I can’t feel God in this situation doesn’t mean He isn’t ever-present. Maybe God wants to speak through me. So that I may become that beacon of light or strengthening force or comforting servant to my family that I am asking Him to be.

Maybe God is simply calling me to become the miracle.

Be Full

There are so many times when people can’t see God. I know I’m guilty of this – of feeling “spiritually dry”. Being surrounded by other Youth for Christ members who love God and live out their faith makes you feel inadequate sometimes. Listening to speakers speak of God’s love or singers sing of God’s grace – we feel like we have so little to give. And so we pull away, slowly, feeling like we’re unworthy to be spiritually full. And then, because we’ve pulled away, we feel even less full. We feel as though God has left us because we have tried to leave Him.

The silly thing is we are always full of God’s love. We are constantly overflowing with God’s grace and goodness. A puddle can look at a lake and feel dry, and that lake can look at the ocean and feel dry, but they are not dry. We can’t look to others to judge our relationship with God. We can’t look at others and decide that we are less worthy than them to worship our Saviour.

God surrounds us in everything we do. He is constantly overfilling us, and when we turn away that doesn’t mean He stops pouring. God is constant. He will never stop.

Facing Fears; Facing the World

Often times, we find ourselves being judged by others. Whether it is family, friends, peers, co-workers, and even ourselves, we find that our every day is covered with judgements. And because of this, we begin to start changing our lives and the way we are so that we can free ourselves from the world’s judgements.

Today, I realized that knowing God is my greatest blessing. Why? Because at times that my thoughts begin to falter, like the way I have mentioned above (fearing judgement) the Lord always finds a way to snap me back into reality and take away all my fears. As I attended a Confirmation Mass in Windsor, standing as a sponsor, God spoke through the priest by talking about the truth to our faith. That despite of all the judgement we might hold against ourselves and from others; despite of how unworthy we feel, God is the only person that can look at you, smile, and despite of all the imperfections, can look at you and say “My child, come to me.” I laughed because it is true. How often do I look at myself and doubt what I am doing for God? How often do I penalize myself for things that I have no control over? It is not enough to simply overcome this SOMETIMES.

At mass, God reminded me that in every moment, in every second, and in every breath, the one thing that remains and always will is His love for me. If He isn’t judging me; if He is standing there, loving me through it all, then there is no reason to  doubt my worth. For as long as I am loved by the Lord, I must trust that my life and everything I hold dear is in His hands. And through my faith and through its works, I should have no fear for I am serving the Lord. As long as I live for His greater glory in His love, I will have no other fear than fear of the Lord.face my fears with all my strength, and face the world that may be judging me, and bring that same love – His love – into the world.