Yesterday I had the privilege to witness Jak Jak and his classmates receive the Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist for their first time. It was so beautiful to see little children so excited to receive Jesus. The young boys were dressed up in suits (Jak in a barong), and the little girls dressed in small wedding gowns. Witnessing this answered a question I’ve been battling with for quite some time: “what is the proper disposition when receiving the Holy Eucharist?”
Ever since I learned there was a difference in the gravity of sin (venial, being the lighter sins and mortal being very grave, causing spiritual death), I’ve always found it hard to discern if I’m in the right state to receive our Lord. After confessing my sins to a priest one time, I mentioned to him how horrible and sorrowful I felt about the mortal sin I committed. He then asked “did you do it our of weakness or spite for God?” I told him that it was definitely out of weakness. He then assured me that since it was out of weakness and I tried my best to avoid the sin and that I was sorrowful and contrite for having offended God, he said that it was venial and not mortal. I thought that this would provide clarity to my understanding but actually I realize now that I haven’t stopped questioning my disposition. However, yesterday cleared it all up for me leaving no room for doubt.
Yesterday taught me very clearly that I must be as pure as a child receiving his/her first communion when I discern if I’m in the right disposition to receive it myself. In my discernment, if I feel that I’m not as pure as a child such as Jak Jak and his classmates, then I am not in the right state of heart to receive our Lord. Moments before receiving Jesus Christ, I shouldn’t be battling with my conscience. If I’m in the proper state, then I should be as excited as a child receiving the Eucharist for the first time. The children yesterday were not hampered with their conscience, but were simply ready and excited to receive our Lord. Naturally, my next question was “how do I become as pure as a child receiving our Lord for the first time?” The Holy Spirit immediately reminded me of Reconciliation.
The Sacrament of Reconciliation makes us pure as babies and white as snow. Given, of course, that we have a good confession, that we confess ALL sins and we are truly sorry and plan to change our ways because of His Love. Basically, to make a good confession and “repent and believe in the Gospel” (Mark 1:15). After receiving absolution, we are truly as innocent as children again.
Let us be like Jak Jak and his classmates and have that child-like faith when receiving our Lord. May we always be filled with excitement and joy, and truly recognize that loving, real presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist.
Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us the most precious gift in existence, Your Body and Blood for the sanctification of our souls. May we always be in the right disposition when receiving You, and give You all honour, glory, and reverence that you deserve, to dwell in a temple untainted. Help us to not make excuses when receiving You, Holy of Holies, but that we may have a good Confession to clear our conscience and purify our hearts. I am truly sorry for the times I have received You in the state of mortal sin. Most grievous sinner am I! Thank You for Your mercy in Confession. I love You, Lord. Please always have mercy on me, and by Your body and blood, may I be sanctified to make Your loving presence in this world more apparent to all. Amen.