(May 10, 2016)
Here I am on my macbook, writing my very first blog post. Typing a few words, deleting them right after. Typing full sentences, deleting them right after. What should my first post be about?!
Thoughts popping into my head. This should be a blog post to remember. I should sound all cool and stuff, like a professional writer. Demar Derozan playing horrible wouldn’t be a relevant topic. What if my grammar is poor?! GAHHHHHH.
I’m overthinking again.
Growing up, I’ve always been one to plan ahead, whether it be gauging how my actions would affect the other person, or how much trouble I’d be in with my parents. I’ve always tried to stay ahead of the game, that game which is called life. Always mapping out what would happen next based on certain scenarios, and trying for the best-case scenario for myself. As a result, I would measure up moments based on the result rather than the journey. And time and time again, I’d fail to appreciate the present moments… those moments of struggle, ache, pain, peace, happiness, and joy. It was as if I’d become like Agent 47 programmed to only care about getting the job done.
I’ve constantly prayed for the willingness to let God’s will be done, not realizing that God has slowly been preparing the story already. This entire year so far has been 5 months of taking leaps, diving into the stormy waters, and totally submitting everything to Him. This is something I’m not used, even writing blog posts is completely foreign to me. But that’s what makes this journey even greater, the Lord is calling me out more and more out of my comfort zone.
Joining the MV program wasn’t a pre-requisite for me to realize all of this. But rather, it’s a well-needed first step of many.
And so it begins, with step one.
“But You have given my heart more joy than they have when grain and wine abound. In peace I shall both lie down and sleep, for You alone, Lord, make me secure.” – Ps. 4 : 8-9.
AMDG.