It’s truly amazing how God works in his perfect timing. Not only that but His love and mercy is so overwhelming that a lot of the times I feel unworthy of His blessings.
Recently, I’ve been brought to a situation that sounds all too familiar, so let’s start with what happened before.
It was year 2008 and I was a Household head for the North Chapter here in the Big Sky Region, Winnipeg. I was growing very quickly in my service, and I kept wanting to do more. As a household head, I had a strong passion serving for my chapter. I can even remember spending well over $100 in preparation for a Regional Youth Conference. (yikes!)
I was well invested into the chapter, so it came pretty hard on me when I found out that not only was my chapter heads moving on from their service, but I myself was moved into a different program. In a moment of selfishness, I made it more about the service of my God rather than the God of my service. For a good while I was a bit bitter of the circumstances but I knew that regardless of the situation, I still wanted to serve.
After about 2 years of growing spiritually and in my maturity, I was given an opportunity of a lifetime. The exact thing that I was hoping for, a second chance. I was asked to serve as the North Chapter head. At that point in my life I had already accepted where I was asked to serve, and I knew that regardless of what role I held, all I wanted to do is to let others feel the same blessings that I have. I had even tried to compose myself by not giving an immediate yes to the service, when in my heart I already knew this was something I really wanted.
So what happened with the second chance that was given to me?
Well, long story short… I kinda messed up.
I had good intentions, and a strong passion to serve. I thought everything was perfect, that everything completely fell into place, and in the right timing. It might have been the case, but with that I let my guard down. They say that the closer you get to God, the more the devil will attack you. I didn’t prepare myself, and worse, I tried to handle it on my own.
The evil one had exploited my weakness and vulnerability. What resulted was seeing myself in one of the lowest points in my life, and lots of broken relationships. I had lost focus for one instance, and I had let the evil one grab hold and infect my life. I began to hate myself and the actions I took.
On the road to recovery from the situation, I was then moved into a different service, Youth Communications(YCOM). It has been a fruitful (almost)3 year term that has continued to help me grow spiritually and in my maturity. With the help of the community, and my lovely counterpart Jennifer Garcia, I can honestly say that I have moved on from my past situation and I have offered it all up to the Lord.
Which brings it back to the present time.
I have been given another second chance. This time I’ve been asked to be the Area Head here in Winnipeg. I can even remember a time once where I felt it was something I’d like to do. To serve the community that has given me so much. But much like when I wanted to serve the North chapter in 2008, it was not in God’s timing.
With this opportunity came the obvious fear. “What if I mess up again?” “What if I make the same mistakes.” I kept thinking to myself, “Lord, why do You keep giving me blessings upon blessings when I continue to fail you?” “Why are You giving me another second chance?”
Reflecting upon this season of lent, I know that I am a sinful person. I know that I don’t deserve His mercy, His grace, or His love, but He gives it anyway. I know that no matter how many mistakes I make, or how many times I fail Him, He will continue to carry that cross and die for me. He has a plan for me greater than I can ever imagine.
I know that I’ve made mistakes, and I will probably make some in the future, but each of those mistakes have helped me to learn, to grow, and to get myself to where I need to be. The Lord has walked with me every step of the way, and He will continue walking with me in this journey. Regardless of the path behind me, and how overwhelming the path in front of me is, I’m excited to lose myself more and more in Him!
After much discernment, I have said YES to this upcoming service. I don’t know what’s in store for me, or what the future may hold, but I am ready and willing to keep walking down this path with the Lord!
Lord, I praise you and thank you for the second chances that you have given us.I pray that through the experiences we’ve encountered, good or bad, we will learn to see You through it all. Please use me Lord as your instrument to keep serving my brothers and sisters in You. Help me to deny myself, and with Your example, embrace the cross that I bear and to follow You. Amen.