Last Tuesday, I had an MRI scan. It’s not my first time so as I was waiting, I already knew of the tight space I will be confined to as they scanned my body. While I’m not claustrophobic, it does make me feel uneasy. I knew that a needle would be poking my right arm the entire time and while I usually don’t mind, the fact that I can’t move coupled with the loud noise the MRI scanner makes throughout the process makes me feel twitchy and jittery. My parents were there when I first had the scan but they couldn’t take time off work this time so I had no one to talk to while I was waiting.
Along with all those feelings came self pity. I knew I shouldn’t indulge but it couldn’t be helped. I mean, an MRI is not something people do on a regular basis; ergo, having to go through the procedure means something is wrong with me. Couple that with being alone in the waiting room while everyone else had someone with them to hold their hand or talk to, I felt lonely and sad. I was on the verge of tearing up (LOL, I realize it sounds ridiculous and makes me look like a drama queen but I am not (: ) but because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, I started tinkering with my bag. Thankfully, I discovered I actually brought Son, the fourth book in The Giver series by Lois Lowry. 5 minutes in, I read the passage below:
“It’s a grievous wound. Someone tended it, stitched it up. There are the marks.”
“I know,” Claire whispered.
And that’s when it hit me. Even though I’m handling my situation better and I’m more grateful than burdened by it (as what I shared during liveloudTO2014), there are times when I would still feel hurt, and insecure, and sad about it…times when I would feel like it’s a stain I can never rub off. Although these moments or triggers (as I call it) are becoming rare, I realized it would be there forever. Like a scar. But that’s the thing about it being a scar; although it lingers, it means it’s healed.
May we always remember that the Lord is an even greater Healer than the deepest wounds we carry. Through His grace and love, we are able to mend but in order for Him to do so, we need to let Him in. Although the scars from our wounds will always be there, may we let it serve as a reminder of the things we had to endure and how far we’ve come. More than that, may our scars serve as a testament to His love for us.
with this, may He be praised forever.