Every year, I find I am faced with personal situations where I ask myself, “What is the reason I serve? Why do I want to continue being a missionary for the Lord?” Sometimes, the reason I ask is as obvious as having to answer a question on an essay (a.k.a. the MV/ CMV essay), or as expected and/or unexpected in small moments of self reflection.
What is the reason I continue to say yes?
If I could count all the times I had panicked before, thinking, “Oh no, nothing ‘big’ has happened to me yet… there isn’t a ‘big enough’ sign… there are no signs at all. THERE’S NO EPIC STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY YES THAT IS ‘AFFIRMING ENOUGH‘,” I think I would never stop laughing…
I recalled a FTPW’s story of how he became a Fulltime Pastoral Worker.
There was no “major struggle”…
He didn’t feel “tested”…
He did not even have HUGE and DEEP moments of contemplation, debating whether or not it was right…
He never had an overflow of new signs…
He did not even have an “epic” experience…
He just knew that it was right; that it was God’s plan for him, and that it was perfect. He started and continued on with the same reason each and every time… solely because He is called by the Lord… And that is when I realized it:
I don’t need an “epic story”, nor do I need signs, or new reasons. The reason never changes…it grows. When I first wrote my essay about why I wanted to be an MV, something “big” happened that led me to a realization that it was because of love. The second time I wrote my essay about why I wanted to continue being an MV, another “big” thing happened that made me realize – once again – that it was because I have experienced the love of God and I want to be able to bring that love to others. And now, as a new year begins, although I have not experienced anything “big”, I have come to realize that my reason will never change.
I am loved. That will never change.
I am planned. That has never changed.
I am called. Because of the other two, this will never change.
From the moment I was Baptized, I said “Yes,” to a mission… a call from the Lord: “Love one another as I have loved you.” God loved us in many ways… but above all, He continues to do so every day in each and every one of us, and I believe that is what the mission ultimately calls for. To love beyond borders. To love past distance. To love in all works. To love with no limit. And ultimately, to love Him above all, and to show others that this love – His love – is possible. I KNOW that this is His mission for me. My reason has never changed. It has only matured and grown, and in the end, it is to remind me that it is all because of Love.
Lord, thank You for your ever-affirming love. Thank You for constantly guiding me, even at times I may not feel it. Your love is all I need, and it is my greatest call to love the way You want me to. Above all, Lord, thank you for the mission. Thank you for Your daily call. I know Your mission for us will never change, the same way my reason never changes as well. I only pray, Lord, that you continue to let my reason and the mission grow and constantly call us in greater and greater ways. In all of this, Lord, I trust You. Jesus, Lover of my soul, I trust in You.
Come, Holy Spirit, fill us as You will…