True North Missionaries Journal

“Today I understand vocation quite differently – not as a goal to be achieved but as a gift to be received. Discovering vocation does not mean scrambling toward some prize just beyond my reach but accepting the treasure of true self I already possess. Vocation does not come from a voice “out there” calling me to be something I am not. It comes from a voice “in here” calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original self given to me by God at birth.” – Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

That insight is hidden in the word vocation itself, which is rooted in Latin for “voice.” Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear. At the present moment I feel that the Lord has been so generous in planting so many desires, that it’s difficult to process which one to choose. I feel pulled in so many different directions, all of which are good things.

Pope Francis, in one of his homilies, said, “So many times our heart is a road, everything passes there. Put it to the test! Do I always choose the things that come from God? Do I know which are the things that come from God? Do I know the true criterion by which to discern my thoughts, my desires? Do I test what I think, what I want, what I desire, or do I accept it all without discerning?”

I pray that I may seek the Lord in the silence and in the stillness. There are so many inspirations of stories, of people around me, and the Saints whose lives I admire and seek to follow. I know the Lord has also called me for a purpose, specific to the present time, to the present need of those around me, and the present desires of my heart. I am hopeful that at the end of this life, the Lord won’t ask me, “Why were you not Moses? Why were you not Ruth?”  Instead He might ask, “Why were you not Erin?”

I pray that God may always guide me in discovering the best way to live. A life of virtue, of peace, and of joy.

I am also praying with you and for you, my brothers and sisters 🙂 Praise God for He is always so good.

We often hear that we are “CHOSEN,” BUT how many times do we truly, wholeheartedly believe this? Have I ever truly completely believed in this? Although it hasn’t even been 3 weeks yet, I can honestly say that it keeps feeling like the banquet never ends. It is as if God has so intricately placed me at His table, and all He’s been feeding me is an eternal-course PRIX FIXE MENU (a menu where the dishes are already set with a specific number of courses) of Love. From Hors D’Oeuvres, to Entrees, to Desserts, and palette-cleansing dishes, I’ve been called to go back to the basics of the basics of service, explore new crevices, re-ignite old talents, and try the new “dishes” I never thought could exist in my life (i.e. learning completely new languages, taking bus rides while being unable to read the destination or understand the announcements in the automated system on the bus, etc). It’s been hard. And we even joke around about how this feels like it’s our FTPW Training! But one thing’s for sure (that I know as a chef)…

One would never invite another to a banquet, without providing the utensils needed to dine in what has been prepared.

Despite all the events, I know that in the basics, He has already provided me with all I need to finish the course He has set before me. I realized that in mission and in any service, we must always allow ourselves to go back to basics… the heart of service – serving God. There will be times where we will have no acknowledgement whatsoever from those we serve and/or those we serve with, but a true SERVANT HEART will bear it with joy, knowing whole-heartedly that above all, it is taken to heart by the Lord, and that is more than enough. 

In bearing all this with joy, a SERVANT learns the intimate and life-giving love of a watchful Father and approaches service with loving, spiritual sensitivity.

In patience, selflessness, kindness, meekness, gentleness and without any self boast, a TRUE SERVANT OF GOD exudes Christ in his/ her life – Love. 

The “basics” of our journey in our faith are like the salt and pepper in a dish. Oftentimes overlooked, our experiences today would be TASTELESS and FLAVOURLESS without the basics. And sometimes, when we begin to over-think and over-complicate, God reminds us that we have always been seated at the banquet and the things set at the banquet would be nothing without the salt and pepper.  The basics are the little things God uses to set the foundations of the “flavours” in our journey – the banquet is already set. We just need to relax, have presence, give thanks and dine with our Father.

♥

Lord, may You continue to bring us back to the basics. May you continuously mold us in Your perfect love. Whether it be by surprise or in the things that are in already in existence and so carefully playing out in our lives, may You always be our guide in our journey of continuous conversion and discernment so we may be greater images of Your love each and every day. May we be open and have trust that our life is already “Prix Fixe” – all set by You, our Perfect Creator. 

Amen.

For food that nourishes my body,
for clothes that protect my body,
for a home that provides me shelter,
I am ever so grateful, Father.

For the gift of education,
for a profession that allows me to serve others,
for the opportunity to lead others closer to You,
I am ever so grateful, Father.

I thank You for placing people in my life who love me, care about me, support me, guide me, and never gave up on me.

I thank You for the gift of family,
for the gift of friendships,
for the gift of the Couples for Christ community,
which you have blessed to help mould me in the person that I am today.

Sometimes I don’t realize, especially when I am having a hard time, how much the Lord has blessed me and continues to bless me. It is so easy to complain and to focus on what is missing or lacking, in my weaknesses and shortcomings, especially when I sin. But God loves unconditionally and eternally. There is nothing that I could do to make God stop loving me. To persevere and to deny myself, is but a small fraction of His sacrifice on the cross. I desire to be transformed by Christ’s love.

“Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there also my servant will be. The Father will honour whoever serves me.” JOHN 12:24-26

For the Gospels, Sacraments,
teachings, and readings that nourishes my soul,
I am ever so grateful Father.

For the households, one on ones, assemblies,
and conferences that allow me to journey with others in pursuing you,
I am ever so grateful Father.

I thank You for the gift of faith,
for the gift of hope,
for the gift of love,
which you have blessed to help me strive to live a life centred in You.

Did you ever ask God to give you a sign?

Sometimes we want a sign, something intricate or amazing to happen in order to make a decision or know what the Lord is telling us.

We want to feel something and and be overwhelmed to know what he wants us to do.

But the thing is whether or not any of our senses can detect a sign is irrelevant because  God is always speaking to us. How do I know this? It’s because I know he Loves me.

If you  Love someone don’t you want to always talk to them or at least keep some sort of communication with them?

The Lord is always speaking to us despite dryness or silence simply because nothing can ever separate his Love from us. He tells us that He Loves us even through the silence in our hearts.

Sometimes no words need to be said between close friends and that is also true between ourselves and our closest friend.

 

Those who know me well will know that I am afraid of more things than are necessary. Nearly every situation in life I find myself defaulting to anxiety. In keeping with this tendency, my recent ANCOP immersion in the Philippines was nothing short of a litany of fears made manifest.

Among many things, I was afraid of the cultural differences and the language barrier. I was disquieted by the prospect of having to do and eat things that I would not ordinarily have to, and to live in conditions that were foreign to me in every sense of the word. I knew for certain that the Lord was specifically and intentionally heightening my anxiety so as to heighten my sensitivity to Him.

It was through overcoming seemingly petty fears – of committing to learn Tagalog, of bathing with a bucket as a shower head, of being one with the poor, that I came to realize that I lose nothing when I lay down my pride. What a tragedy it would have been to cheat myself of these experiences for the sake of self-love. These moments quickly turned into realizations that what cowardice is to selfishness, bravery is to selflessness. Overcoming the physical discomforts was to embrace the immersion completely and joyfully, and doing so counted as no loss at all.

As the days passed I began to ponder the specificity of the word “immersion”. When speaking of being immersed, that is, in water, it would be foolish to say that one has been fully immersed if one’s head is left dry. Every day of the ANCOP immersion reminded me that I needed to go all in – I needed to not be afraid of getting wet, of being fully immersed in the culture and in the discomforts. I needed to go beyond myself to converse with the people in my limited and broken Tagalog, to dance, sing, and play with the children when I was exhausted from a day of building houses, and to be grateful for whatever food or drink was given to me regardless of whose hands had made them.

Too often in my life am I afraid of going out into the water for Christ. I am afraid to surrender my will in exchange for His. At my core I am afraid of the unknown. I often hold back by rationalizing what I should and should not do, only prepared to give to Christ what is safe and what is calculated. In my mind I am ready to completely surrender, yet in actuality I’m only willing to dip my toes in His invitation to trust.

This immersion demanded me to venture into the places, experiences, and relationships that make me extremely uncomfortable. Yet it was in this vulnerability that Christ was able to teach me, humble me, and correct me. Only then was I able to recognize that this immersion was not simply about embracing the poor, but about embracing Christ himself! He is the real immersion! What a beautiful message now etched in my heart to immerse myself in Christ! That, like water, I must go all in – I must abandon fear, for what is fear but pride in disguise! He wants me wholly and completely without any reservation!

My encounters with tangible, physical fears in the Philippines were in service of directing my attention to the deeper, more substantial fears that have been occupying space in my heart – fears of the future, of my vocation, of my career, and of my discernment for full time pastoral work. Yet just as He had assured me in the face of fear during my mission trip, His message remains the same for these: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you” (Isaiah 41:10). Although there is still uncertainty with what lies ahead, I am grateful for the foretaste of God’s promises to me through this immersion. It is clear to me now that joy abounds from a heart that is fully surrendered to Him, that peace is experienced with every fearless “Yes”, and that there is no loss in immersing my life entirely in Christ!

Teach me, Jesus
Build me, Jesus
My whole life’s for You!

– Jueren Nabua, With You

No matter the situation you’re in, how great or small the struggle may be. The Lord wouldn’t place you in it if He didn’t intend you to overcome it.

There are certain circumstances where emotions may take over your mood and the thought of giving up sounds like the safest way out. But we need to remind ourselves that the Lord is greater than our struggles. In order to believe that we will get through it, we must also believe in Him that He will take care of us.

It hasn’t been easy to fully surrender my all to Christ, but lately it has become so easy to do especially when He constantly reminds me that the struggles I’m currently going through is nothing compared to what His plans are for me. I feel uneasy trusting others with my struggles, but we need to remember that He isn’t like everyone else, He is our Father and He will take care of us. You have given me the courage and the strength to truly believe that these obstacles can and will be tackled.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. – 1 Peter 5:10

Lord, I surrender it all to You. Whatever your plans may be for myself and my family, I entrust that you will physically and emotionally take care of us. Remind me that Your love is strong and that You are capable. And You are able. Lord, I Trust in You. Amen.

It has been a crazy last 3 weeks for myself and CFC Youth Edmonton. From being in shout and then going straight to Lloydminster Camp. But for myself I needed a reminder that the hope never disappoints you in any way or form. Especially when it come from God.

I had time to talk to sister during shout when I picked her up and we had to go get a few things. And it was first time I got to talk to Edmonton person about how was I doing since I got accepted into the Mission Volunteer Program. And it really help me in with her affirmations on what I was doing and that the Lord doesn’t disappoint. He just has something even greater planned for me.

During worship that night I opened the bible and it opened to this…

“and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” Romans 5:5

That whole day in some way shows that Hope doesn’t disappoints in any way or form.