The title is a bit misleading because what I’m really referring to is the Pyramid of Intimacy, but the shape of the diagram really is a triangle. I think the first time I came across this diagram was in the YouCat which I believe was illustrated by Bill Donaghy, an instructor at the Theology of the Body Institute. It’s a wonderful illustration that clearly defines the proper steps of a long lasting relationship between a man and a woman, with sexual intimacy being the pinnacle—the ultimate gift and expression of true love (free, total, faithful, and fruitful), in a language that is very easy to understand.
It’s very unfortunate how the society we live in today has this pyramid upside down, and it’s no wonder then, how easily marriages and relationships topple over and crumble to pieces. It’s impossible for an inverted pyramid to stay balanced on its tip. It will fall. Drawing on this illustration, if ‘love’ begins with sexual intimacy even before friendship, then we shouldn’t be surprised when everything falls apart. It’s because there was no foundation of friendship—knowing each other better, knowing each other’s families, and so on. As it shows on the diagram, love doesn’t begin at sexual intimacy, it begins at friendship, and if we can truly start from there, then we would see a lot more stable and fruitful marriages. Friend-zone is the place to be if you’re looking for a substantial relationship that would be able to weather the storms and lead to real love, which is true love rooted in Christ. This is achievable through the time, tested, and true way of courtship.
Courtship is basically steps two and three (knowing you better, and knowing your family better), with the blessing of the sister’s parent’s to pursue. Why ask the parents for their blessing? Because if you truly love her, you will honour the ones who love her the most, and you will lead her to fulfill the commandment:
“Honor your father and mother that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.” Ep. 6
If we honour each other’s parents we will live a long and prosperous life, and if we’re in it for the long run (which love should be!) then we need to strive to build a good relationship with each other’s families (most especially the parents) because they are the ones who will also love us for the rest of our lives.
By prayers and the guidance and strength of the Holy Spirit, a man and a woman are truly capable of authentic love. By His grace, we can reach the heights of that conjugal, life-giving act that expresses the love of the Trinity and renews the marriage vows between husband and wife, of being freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully each other’s.
The devil knows how great a gift sexual intimacy is. That’s why everything he does aims at distorting and tangling our understanding of our sexuality—as being made male and female, in the image and likeness of God.
We can prevent this from happening by allowing God to tell us who we are and not looking to the world to find our identity. How can we find our identity in a place we are not ultimately made for? It only makes sense to look to the Creator, the Designer, and the Author of our lives to discover our purpose and who we were created to be.
On the illustration above it is written,
“The task of every man is the dignity of every woman. The task of every woman is the dignity of every man.” –St. John Paul II
Let us first begin by discovering our worth and dignity on the Cross, then we will be able to truly see and love each other as we ought.
Amen.