True North Missionaries Journal

Taking care of a family of three active kids, serving actively in the community, being busy at work, it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, feel overwhelmed and burnt out.

Jesus Christ had a busy mission life, healing the sick, driving out demons, preaching to thousands and yet He knew to take time off to spend time with the Father.

Thank you Lord for reminding me what matters most, just spending time in personal and intimate conversation with our Father, that’s all that matters and the rest will fall into place.
Happy Monday!

These past three months have been very difficult for me. I find myself (almost) unbearably dry despite my continuous efforts to seek the Lord. In this experience I realize that it is very easy to allow my emotions to control me, my attitude, and my perception of each situation presented before me.

In this period dryness, the Lord has placed an overwhelming load of responsibilities–and to be honest–I failed miserably. During advent I struggled with juggling everything and I started to feel like I was failing. Frustration soon took over and became the thief of all virtues that I had. I lost my patience (most especially with my counterpart… LAWL.. sorry! Love you!) and was very quick to be harsh and spiteful. I was as grouchy as the grinch. However, come Christmas day, the Lord still made a home in my unworthy heart, and showed me that His joy is constantly overflowing–even in moments of desolation.

But I jumped the gun. I thought that through this realization what would soon follow would be a wellspring of consolation… man, was I ever wrong. Come January, I was quickly thrust back into the reality of my responsibilities with the addition of Regional Leaders Retreat preparation as the event head, all the while I was (and still am) as dry as desert. When I thought I had already reached my limits in the month prior, the Lord stretched me even further. And it hurt. A lot. 

I was frequently tempted to indulge in my emotions–indulge in my tiredness, my anger, my hunger, my pride, and my impatience. To be honest, there were quite a few times where I failed. Terribly. However, I would like to think that the Lord sees this interior battle of giving way for the Holy Spirit to reign in this heart. Looking back now, I realize that each time I humbly died to myself the Holy Spirit had enlarged its territory in my heart. And slowly but surely, the virtue of charity took hold of my heart.

It all makes sense that such is the case. Was it not when the Lord died on the cross that the greatest act of charity, of Love, was manifested? It is in continually choosing to die to thineself that we truly experience what it means to Love more–and this, this is Love.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more Love” (Blessed Mother Teresa).

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus,
May You continually plead us to willingly give all of ourselves so that we may readily be the vessels of Your love.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (PHIL 1:21).

I had a dream. (And no, this isn’t a quote from Martin Luther King). I had a dream of one day being asked to step up and lead, the same way my leaders have been leading me. Many years ago, God fulfilled that dream. I became a Household Head…

THEN…

a Chapter Head,
an Area Head,
an Advocacy Head,
a Mission Volunteer…

…and now, I am endorsed for Full-Time Pastoral Work.

However, as the years had passed, I realized it had been getting easier for me to think lightly of meetings, assemblies, service team meetings, assignments, the ‘homework’ of the community. It started to feel like a passing routine. And I’m not going to lie, I had even found myself saying, “Lord, I’m done now. When am I going to move forward?”

Recently, I had been asked to share about my experience in the Holy Land in the 3 months of mission. I took days to pinpoint the true highlights of my experience, but at the end of it all, I was brought back to the basics, once more… a reminder…

SERVICE is a GIFT… a PRIVILEGE…
and it was is A DREAM.

Once upon a time, where I am at right now was only merely a dream… a wishful prayer. And even now, the ‘dreams’ that had passed over the years continue to be the dream of many others. And once-upon-a-yesterday, it was MY dream. I had forgotten this. But looking back to all I had experienced, I realized God was teaching me one of the most important things – to grow full with a loving and grateful heart because it is still ‘The Dream’. But above all…

Where I am right now is GOD’S living dream for me… and that is The Dream. ♥

Then I remembered how I looked at these dreams before. For each and every dream, I had said, “Lord, if you make this happen, I will give you my best.” The Lord has done His part… one too many times, each and every time. WHY? Because out of His abundant love, He has blessed me. So I pray that I never forget this dream, and that I may persevere in always giving Him the best of me in these living ‘dreams’.

#BLESSED … that’s all I can really say. So THANK YOU, LORD.

Amen.
TOTUS TUUS.

What an amazing Journey it has been so far.

It has definitely been a time to really reflect upon all the memories, blessings, and trials that I have experienced through the years.

CFC-Youth Canada, 20 Years. CFC-Youth Winnipeg, 18 years. My own journey in this community, 13 years.

It’s unbelievable! Crazy even! To see how God continues to shower His love upon all of us each and every day of our lives.

I was blessed with the opportunity to give a talk for our Regional Leaders Retreat “A Time to Build” and truly it was such a humbling experience.

I had an idea of the direction that I wanted to take the talk. From the screenings, to practicing, and going over my notes over and over again. It’s not like I haven’t done a talk before.  But man…… THIS VIDEO.

Praise God for CFC-Youth Regina for showing me this video, and of course CFC-Youth Northern Virginia for creating it!

Lights were closed. Everyone focused on the screen. Speakers blasting. The atmosphere was very intense.

Watching the video, right before the beginning of the talk… I began to read the cards in my mind. I was really immersed into the video, thinking about the many times when I struggled and the mindset that had really affected me before.

Suddenly, I began to tear.

When the video started to reverse… it hit me extremely hard. One, because it has been difficult for me to accept the Love that He continues to give me. Two, because I began to realize the beauty of it all, in how even through the weaknesses that I have, He is always there.

All composition was lost. I was balling my eyes out, trying to get myself back on track. 40 people or so looking at me probably wondering “What happened?” At the time, I was probably wondering the same thing.

There was just so much beauty that weekend. Seeing all the new leaders and how their journey is beginning to unfold. Looking back at my own journey, I can’t help but feel extremely excited for my brothers and sisters, and for them to really experience the Lord through each other, and this community.

I’m happy to say that I am CFC-Youth. (even though I’m in SFC now, heh)

In December, I was able to go to Quebec City and pass through the Holy Doors at Notre Dame Cathedral. I went with friends that I hold close to my heart and it was liberating to be able to go on a road trip with them. I was at peace with knowing that my faith journey with these God-fearing people was not bound by service in the community, but by God who placed them in my life.

At the time, we had no idea what the Holy Doors really were. Most of us knew the basics; 1) they would close soon and 2) passing through the doors equaled to a plenary indulgence. We arrived after a 14 hr drive and stood in line. We read up on the Holy Doors together while in that line (yes, I know. Shame on us for not being prepared).

Once I entered the Cathedral, I was struck by Jesus’ presence. As soon as you entered, there was Jesus, exposed. Going deeper into the Cathedral, there were throngs of people admiring the beauty of the Cathedral, lining up for confession, and praying.

Jesus was right here. Therefore, so were His people.

So, I went and lined up for confession (not the English one, because it was too long). There were 2 kids in front of me in the line. They were both playing on their Nintendo DS’s while waiting and they were arguing with each other. I was overwhelmed by the noise. So I politely asked them if I could have some quiet time so I could pray and they both kindly agreed. Then 5 seconds later, their mother showed up and budded me in the line by loudly saying “Excuse, I’m their mother.”

To be honest, I was surprised that she did so, but I told myself, “It’s okay. Just let her be with her kids.”

Then, the mother continued to chatter with her kids and was trying her best to coach her kids to make a confession. On my part, I was struggling to find a point of stillness while trying to prepare myself for confession. It got to a point where I was really frustrated and could only tell myself, “It’s okay. Just be patient. Just wait. Just love them.”

I couldn’t help but observe how confession and sin was explained by the mother to each of her kids. It was endearing to see how the kids processed the mother’s explanations and how they viewed the confessional.

At the same time, I realized that there is such a deep need for parents to know and understand our Catholic faith. If parents only have a basic understanding of our Church’s teachings and traditions, then their children will also struggle to learn about our faith. Schools and religion class can only do so much. Parents really are the first teachers that any child has.

Currently, I am actively discerning for my vocation. Whether this discernment leads to religious life or marriage, there is a deep and urgent need for God to conquer my mind. Wherever I am led, I need to know God in mind, heart, soul, and body. To be honest, the more that I encounter God, the more I realize that He has only scratched the surface of my hard and stubborn exterior.

I am called to surrender more and let God’s love sink into my entire being – mind, heart, soul, and body.