True North Missionaries Journal

The deacon at my home parish said during his homily, “The salvation is already done. The judgement is already done.”

When I heard this, my first thought for some reason was, “oh so it’s already done. Why are we all still going to confession then? Why do we worry so much about ensuring we do not receive the Eucharist until we have gone to confession?” Maybe it was just the way he said it, because it was said in such a nonchalant way.

But when I heard the rest, which was, “Just love everyone as God loved you. If someone has wronged your or you have wronged the Lord, you have nothing to worry about, except to love more,” it was an affirmation of our mission here on earth. It was a reminder that Jesus died so we can have eternal salvation, therefore, God’s love is eternal, therefore, our pursuit of Christ should be never ending and our ability to love should be never ending.

In order for us to truly love one another, we need to be repentant, just as we are called to do so, in Mark 1:15, “The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!” 

A while ago, I was at the rehearsal for a family friend’s daughter’s confirmation. I am one of her godparents. When I asked to be one, I said yes but I didn’t realize the blessing and privilege to be part of someone’s confirmation since this is my first time. As the rehearsal progressed, we practiced singing different songs and one of them I heard for the first time said “God has chosen us.” I got drawn to it. Everytime I’m drawn to something, the wheels of my mind start turning (over thinker life, haha). I realized that He chose me to be a godparent for this girl through the blessing of the girl’s parent. It also made me realize about my CFCYouth service and MV Program. See, for the past weeks, I have been busy with school that I neglected CFCYouth service (RYC, camp stuff) and MV things (my blog). I struggle with time management, a lot.

But hearing and singing those lyrics, “God has chosen me,” reminded me that even though I made mistakes, neglected service, even prayer time, The Lord still chooses to love me, to remind me that He cares for me through my family, friends and through His wonderful creation. “God has chosen me,” this also made me reflect on my MV journey so far. He could have chosen someone else, someone who’s better in time management but He chose me (not to brag about it) so I can only respond and trust in Him even more. I’ll always make mistakes, stumble and fall but every single time He will still choose me and come after me because He loves me.

The past two weeks has been very “intense.” Being at the homestretch of my degree, I had my research project paper due, had to prepare for my oral research presentation, a final exam to prepare for and a SFC CLP talk to prepare for all in one week. The SFC CLP talk was only made known to me 2 weeks prior. I could have said no having realized my schedule for the week leading to it but I said yes instead since the brother had discerned for me. The next week after the week of busy-ness, I wrote the last 2 final exams for my degree and now, I’m physically free from school (for now), haha.

Reflecting on the past two weeks, I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to accomplish those things. I thought I wouldn’t be able to finish my research project and paper. Around February, I had thoughts of giving up because my research was not making progress. I even said to myself that if I can’t finish this research, then I wouldn’t be able to graduate. It even got to a point where I asked myself how I would tell my parents if this happens. See I’m an overly overthinker, haha. One of my weaknesses is thinking without acting. I got really scared, still I didn’t do anything. Prayers and conversations to God were my only actions. It wasn’t around end of March to first week of April when I had to REALLY push myself to finish this project. The Lord already knows my weaknesses and He equipped me by sending people to be instruments of His love. A grad student in the lab where I was doing my research basically helped me with everything up to writing my paper. It was my supervisor who asked him to help me. Honestly without them, I wouldn’t finish this project. God’s love equips. See, aside from overthinking, I also pity myself a lot which leads to inactivity even more. But I have always believed that “God’s love is bigger than my struggles.” The week where I had to finish my paper, wrote a final, prepared for my research presentation and prepared for the SFC CLP talk, I was really stressed. But I realized in a deeper sense that God’s love equips no matter, that it’s not about us, it’s about God who provides, who loves. All these struggles pushed me to “love more” and although I failed, I know that His love will always accept and guide me to recognize Him in every moment in my life. Right now I’m still nervous about graduation because I don’t know if I will pass all my classes and especially my research project but His love is the greatest and so I fully trust in Him no matter what. He always has purpose for everything in my life and I can’t wait to see where He will lead me next.

To bring someone to Christ is the core of being a missionary.

These are the words that rang out to me today as I attended Mass. It was the entire message of Father’s homily, and I couldn’t have been more fortunate to be there with my fellow brothers in my household.

Today, I was reminded of the disciples of Jesus, and what their mission was. As a modern day disciple of Christ, my mission is no different than theirs. So many people around me, even in the community of CFC, still need to find a way back to Christ. Even I lose sight of Christ’s light as I go through life on a day to day basis.

An example of my struggle on the path to Christ today is just simply attending the Mass. A brother from the community invited me to go to Mass with them, and my head filled itself with reason to not go. I was astonished that I could tell myself not to go to Mass. Praise God for sending those brothers from the community that invited me to go because if it wasn’t for them, I probably would not have gone. By them going, I found myself feeling the responsibility of being a good example again and fueled my desire to go to Mass. I felt God tugging at the strings of my heart through these brothers, and it is that invitation that reminded me that I was exactly just like Peter today fishing on my boat and minding my own business, then I get personally invited by Jesus (through my brothers in Christ) to come and follow Him. Even to this day, it’s an invitation and not a demand that gets me to go to Mass.

With that said, I am curious on as to how God can use me to the same effect. I ask myself on as to how can I let God work through me to invite people back to Him. At the end of my though, I’m really asking God “How may I be of service?” I personally believe that is the question that I should be asking myself not just everyday , but through every interaction I go through in my day.

“Domine, non sum dignus, ut intres sub tectum meum, sed tantum dic verbo, et sanabitur anima mea.

Lord, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”

I find that the beauty of our faith is the fact that there are so many mysteries to be discovered. As I continue my faith journey through the Church, this community and even through teaching Catechism, I find myself learning more and being amazed at the richness of our faith. One such example is the prayer (above) that we say prior to receiving the Eucharist. I never stopped to think about the origin of these words until I was preparing a lesson for Catechism class on the miracles of Jesus.

5 When he entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, appealing to him 6 and saying, “Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, in terrible distress.” 7 And he said to him, “I will come and cure him.” 8 The centurion answered, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only speak the word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes, and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes, and to my slave, ‘Do this,’ and the slave does it.” 10 When Jesus heard him, he was amazed and said to those who followed him, “Truly I tell you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith. 11 I tell you, many will come from east and west and will eat with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, 12 while the heirs of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” 13 And to the centurion Jesus said, “Go; let it be done for you according to your faith.” And the servant was healed in that hour.

– Matthew 8:5-13

The Roman centurion had so much faith and trust in Jesus that he didn’t need to see his servant healed in order to believe. It is the centurion’s incredible trust in Jesus’ power to heal that we remember everytime we are about to receive the Eucharist.

I always feel so moved reciting this prayer because I know there are times when I am definitely not worthy to receive Christ and it’s through these words I realize how much I’ve fallen away, yet He still allows Himself to be available to me. Now I know that it’s up to me to have faith and believe in Christ’s healing power like the centurion. By saying these words, I am allowing His Divine Mercy to wash over my soul.

Jesus, Fountain of Life, unfathomable Divine Mercy, I trust in You.

I was asked to help lead a Confirmation Retreat done by CFC-Youth, and I was very willing to be a part of it, but was quite unaware of how the Lord would challenge me that weekend. I ended up having to play songs on guitar for the retreat but it was only two songs I needed to learn and I’m not particularly an amazing guitar player… I don’t even know most chords. That was reasonable and since it was only two songs, no big deal right? But what really got me out of my comfort zone wasn’t playing for the retreat, but I was asked to play guitar for the CFC Christian Life Program that was occurring the day before the retreat.

 

Deep breathing. Wide eyes. Growing doubt. Heartbeats that felt like hammers pounding in my chest.

Just to name a few things I was feeling the moment I was asked to play a couple of hours before the CLP started. The term ‘Mission ready’ couldn’t have fit any better. But if it weren’t for the yes and the initial willingness to serve, I wouldn’t have been able to witness this:

This was taken during Nica Agregado’s talk entitled “God & Me”. I had no idea of the reward of overwhelming joy that would follow from this point on until the end of the retreat. If I decided to doubt in my anointing and my talents then the Lord’s plan for me would’ve had a quick ending without allowing it to unfold and influence me. The weekend reminded me of how the Lord is CONSTANTLY reaching out to me every day and is always asking me to trust in His plan. The weekend allowed me to reflect if I’m even responding to Him in the first place. I pray that every individual keeps in mind a mission ready heart, ready to be tested and rewarded by the Lord and His mercy.

 

What better gift to give your family, your friends, your future wife, your future kids than for you to become a saint. Work vigorously against your defects, and do your best to improve as a man of God each day.

Deo Gloria