True North Missionaries Journal

So recently I haven’t been consistent with my reflections, big part of reason is TIME. Me and Time, we always struggle when it comes to preparing something especially when it comes to writing or preparing on how would I express my thoughts in right understandable manner. Expressing my thoughts into just nice simple sentence is hard for me. Especially when I’m thinking about has so much levels, or what I mean is how am I goanna decipher the things in my head and make it to a sentence kinda thing. ( Don’t know why I started my reflection like this by over sharing, writing a lot, it almost coming in to a different topic).

I think I’ve said this somewhere in my reflections but this summer has been my busiest, and I feel like I’m busier than school with all the work, service, and MVA things I must do.

Sorry that was an unnecessary long intro that could be condense. But my point being that it is hard to balance all the things I’ve listed on top of having improving/working on your relationship with God. Which for me, my “ me and God time” hasn’t been well. Even after SHOUT, after my spiritual high wares off and I get to the rhythm of my daily life, I’m consumed to the task in front of me.

But the crave to talk to Him more is still there.

I know there are other things that would prevent me from spending time with the Lord. But these should not be used excuses to not have time for God. I did fall using time as my excuses many times. But God gave me His time to use, and we should not take it for granted. And God will nudge you to the right direction that there is always a way if need be. Which it happen yesterday, after my excuse but not excuse anymore, I finally went to a trinity run again.

To paint this week picture I had 3 closing shifts, out of nowhere musicmin practice, a core meeting, and prayer assembly. So this week is busy, so planning a trinity run that works with my schedule and fairly easy to commute is quite hard in Ottawa. And going to a trinity run was always in the back of my mind. As I complain to this brother wanting to go to trinity run He checks and then finds a parish that we have never heard or been but the TIME checks out. And this planning was also the midnight before we went. And then next thing you know we are in a small parish in downtown. Probably the smallest parish I’ve been. I was so happy. During that time I felt like I’m catching up with a friend who I have not spoken in a while, telling all the ups and downs, my victories,  my blessings, and so on.

Well God proven himself once again on reminding me that He will give me time to spend more with him.

Maybe the reason why I brought up my intro is that I wanted my end result to be perfect, by doing so I need to plan and think more what I need to do. The perfect time. But in reality we are in God’s time, not ours. The perfect timing will always come from him not to us.

As I summarize my reflection I realize I think there is one more reason why I brought up is that I think there is like a underlying about how sometimes I need to go with the flow (in my case just write , don’t over think). Because of my obsessive desire to control everything to prevent failure or imperfection in my limited time it also affected my spiritual life. How trusting everything to the Lord with my life with no sign to tell that you’re doing good I still struggle

Letting go EVERYTHING and letting God in which I still strive for.

I don’t even know now what my point is now or if still related but I’ll just say time and control go hand in hand, as I realize through my reflection, if we stop controlling everything and let God do the work I think there is more time that we will experience with Him.

(I apologize if you didn’t understand my reflection, and I hope my next reflection will have more TIME to write)

Gabby Pador

June has finally ended. Hooray, I survived!
With all the craziness that came from this past month, whether it was attending an event, planning an activity, or from participating in a meeting, I have found it extremely difficult to reflect and understand where God is calling me to in my life.

It has been hard putting my thoughts into words so for this week I have decided to write a personal prayer to God. A prayer that can hopefully lead me closer to God once again and one that can also help me to hear God’s words more clearly in the future. I hope that whoever is reading this that you can join me in prayer and help me by lifting up these simple words to Christ.

Almighty Father,

I come before you today eager to hear Your voice. Although it may feel like you far away I know that deep down in my heart You are still there reaching out Your hand to me, wanting to help me and to guide me back to You. With all the distractions that I have been facing as of lately, may You open my eyes so that I can see You more clearly in my life. Help me to trust in You and to believe that You are carrying me through this “spiritual dry” moment. I pray that I can make myself more available to You as You always make yourself so readily available to me in the church and through the sacraments. I offer up this period of spiritual confusion to You and I place them into your most loving and gracious hands. May I be able to see Your light at the end of this all, and I pray that I can hear Your voice again so that I can follow you as the faithful disciple You have called me to be.

Amen.

Danielle Lape

To no surprise, and yet still surprising, there’s a lot that has gone on this past week that the Lord has shown me.

So much to process but what it all came back to was community and love.

The events

My sister just graduated from high school and had her prom. On the last day of her exams, I went to pick her up from our now alma mater. I was able to say hi to a couple of teachers who influenced my siblings and myself throughout high school. One of our favourite teachers, who taught philosophy and religion is retiring this year. In a way it really feels like the end of an era.

This week past I had all closing shifts at work. We also had a time crunch with the Sports Praise event (our competitions part of our Regional Youth Conference) to which I was one of the Competitions committee heads. It was really difficult not being able to attend most of the final meetings leading into this big area event, as most meetings happened during the evening when I was at work. I felt more useless than anything and felt like I was so far behind in the simple tasks as I was getting used to a nocturnal lifestyle.

I had to try my best to beat the night clock after one shift and was able to attend a SFC sisters household. It wasn’t anything deeply profound and in fact I showed up really close to the end. Still It was the first time in months I was able to see some of the sisters.

Finally came the big Canada Day weekend. We had our Sports Praise, to which I had to run away to drop my parents to the airport. Afterwards we had a birthday celebration for a sister in my household. That lead to deeper conversations with a couple of sisters and brother that I never had before. The next day I took my grandma to church, then had a friend come over and spend the evening with me. The holiday Monday after was spent with a few close high school friends before I jetted off to sleepover at another sister’s house to jump-start a two-day mission trip to Windsor.

The tip of the iceberg

*Breathe* woo, yea. Just recounting the highlights I guess the week held a lot more than I realized. What really made me connect everything though was when I woke up on the holiday, home alone, and my favourite rosary – made a 3rd class relic by the hand of St. Francis Xavier – was broken!

I must have fallen asleep while doing the rosary. But how did it break like that!?! It’s made out of metal links so I took the integrity of the physical rosary somewhat for granted. I looked at it and at first I thought, there’s no way you can just throw it away!!! It’s been blessed, it’s a third class relic, it was a special rosary in commemoration of the 100th year apparition of Our Lady of Fatima and also… I really liked this one!!!

After my melodramatic grieving moment (I even “cried” about it on the phone with my dad) I was able to properly assess the broken link and realize it wasn’t actually broken! Rather somehow it just became undone. Disconnected.

In a way I can see how that related to my life right now. I believe the Lord separated my rosary that I may pause and realize what I’m doing with my life. My prayer life and everything is constant, which is good, but I took it for granted at how far I’d come. Seeing the rosary separated as such, I knew the rosary itself was still good, but it was not able to serve its purpose in such a state. Likewise each aspect of my life I can look at as if it were a decade on the rosary. They all need to be connected in order that I may have a complete, harmonious and functioning life.

So I did my best to reconnect and fix my rosary. And to my surprise, when I reconnected and held it up, I couldn’t even tell where it was that I fixed. It was just a whole united unit again, ready to serve its purpose. Except now I knew its value and strength even better than I did before.

My point

I still have work to do in reconnecting and fixing my disconnection within my family, work, service, prayer and social life.

It’s not to say that any aspect is gravely suffering. In fact I saw how important it was to see my sister go through these milestones in her life. It was a proud accomplishment not just for her, but for my parents, for her teachers and her friends, and even myself. Because over the years, whether we knew it or not we were supporting and helping each other grow. Likewise having the CFC community to share the tasks of service, personal life victories and struggles is a blessing in a unique way as it is friendships and relationships rooted in Christ. As well having others to help in physical needs such as providing shelter, food and other amenities that make it easier/possible to go on mission helps to put into perspective and remind me that, no man is an island. Humanity needs community. The Holy Trinity is a community, and out of community comes love. Love is what keeps us going and provides a sense of purpose in our lives.

So I’m excited to try and connect all aspects of my life, that I may be truly whole and Christ centred. And out of it I know the Lord will show me His love, and I pray I am able to give all the love I humanly can back to God through living my life completely.

In Christ,

Meagan Webb

 

 

 

On the feast day of Sts. Peter and Paul, I offered myself to the Merciful Love of Jesus.

For 33 days I journeyed alongside one of the greatest saints of today’s time – St. Therese of Liseux! Being the younger sibling that I am, I tried as hard as I could to not like the same saint as my sister (jealousy probs, lol). However for the past month I have come to realize why so many people including my ate, admire her so much. Not only is St. Therese so relatable but she gives hope to all those who desire to be a Saint as well.

Of course, completing this retreat was not that easy. There were many days where I felt very small, as if I could never follow in the footsteps of St. Therese. But these few words of hers encouraged me to keep pushing forward and to keep desiring for holiness:

” I have always wanted to be a saint. Alas! I have always noticed that when I compared myself to the saints, there is between them and me the same difference that exists between a mountain whose summit is lost in the clouds and the obscure grain of sand trampled underfoot by passers-by. Instead of becoming discouraged, I said to myself: God cannot inspire unrealizable desires. I can, then, in spite of my littleness, aspire for holiness.” (33 Days to Merciful Love, pg. 51)

I look forward to where this consecration will lead me; A young Catholic woman who experiences struggles in her every day life but also as someone who is on fire with God’s merciful love.

Now I not only desire to be a saint, I KNOW I can be one but only if I: 1) Recognize the darkness of my littleness; 2) Keep trying to grow in holiness and 3) Keep trusting in Gods infinite and powerful mercy.

St. Therese of liseux, pray for us.

Danielle

We recently had our MVA Shout and one of the activities we got to participate in was the monthly Gather for the Homeless that my SFC household head organizes every month. Unfortunately, because of the busyness of the youth, I was never able to attend so this was a blessing in disguise. Even though it was raining and we didn’t have proper gear for the weather it was still really beautiful talking and sharing with those on the street for something that I would consider so little as a conversation and Tim Horton’s donut. The song “One Day” by Hillsong kept playing in my head as we encountered people.

During the SHouT we were challenged before going out to give away one personal item. This wasn’t a challenge I hadn’t heard of before but one I dreaded to receive. Mainly, because I’m not the type of person who would carry a “personal” item (not to say i’m not a hoarder – you can ask for my kindergarten report card, I still have it). I’d like to think im a practical person, if I wouldn’t use it what’s the point of having something with you.

As we were walking and talking, I was sharing my small umbrella with my partner and as we continued to meet more and more people my practical self went “Oh no, I know what I need to give away”. My umbrella that I thoughtlessly throw into my bag everyday for those just in case moments was something I did treasure and parting with it wouldn’t be easy. Especially in the weather we were in, I knew it was what I was going to give away. I’m happy I did because the women I gave it to was so happy and thankful for it and it did bring me joy even though I was soaking wet.

Now as SHouT came to an end, I was talking to my fellow MVAs and I realized we never processed about giving away our personal items. As I asked them, they all revealed to not have given anything away. I was disappointed. Here I was, finally following the rules, being “obedient” and they hadn’t even processed? I wasn’t able to stand up and say “I DID IT!” Of course after a good minute of vocalizing my disappointment I quickly stopped before I got a little too heated. I took some time to just think for bit in silence, I guess I reflected. Did my act of kindness NEED processing or did I need applause? Was it really an Act of kindness if I needed some sort of validation? Wasn’t the fact that God knew my intentions and my actions enough? Is He more than enough for me?

This lead to my prayer for this week:

Father God help me think less of myself and more for others. Jesus, help me be more like you. Holy Spirit, guide my heart that all that I do is only for the glory God and not for myself. 

Amen.

In Christ,

Abby

So, this past week I’ve been experiencing so much firsts some I had no expectations, some nerve wracking, and some exciting all in a span of a week. Travelling alone, MVA SHOUT (sooo much firsts), having fellowship with some Toronto fam, using GTA’s transit (It’s so big!) to name a few.

Each day that went by, that was the reoccurring theme in mind, firsts. I started to ponder this idea when travelling alone for the first time to Toronto which gave me A LOT of time to reflect but later solidified by my experiences throughout that week.

Basically, what I was pondering was there will be a lot of situation that are place in front of us where it will be our first, and most of those first might be scary. Maybe some it’s so scary to the point that they never follow through those situation as a result they would never know and experience the things they will learn through that first. But some, maybe fear of failure or fear of knowing that you are weak or maybe even fear of not in control (which I basically threw out the window in the time I stayed in Toronto). Which I’ll share at the end of my reflection, in each hindrance that might have prevented me from saying yes that I’ve encountered that week.

I know that’s kind of self-explanatory, it’s kind of like the line “you never know until you try” but I started to connect this to my faith. How God will place us in situations that we have never encountered. Maybe we will face situation that we may have to stand up for etc. As a MVA, I can’t help to connect these ideas if I was asked to mission to another area. As missionaries, you will half to go to a lot uncharted waters (a lot is an understatement), meaning a lot of scary first. In those times, we just need to trust God and let God do the work and he will take care of us, guide us to where will be needed and we will experience how great is His creation.

So, one of the firsts in that week which I think one of my biggest first fear was travelling alone to an area that I don’t know, with the people who I have known for less than a year and half that I met up with was the first-time meeting. That by itself could be a reflection by its own but I just want to share this one because before going there my only plan was, when I’m leaving? Where I’m arriving? Who is hosting me? And when I’m going home? That’s it! Everything else was “I don’t have a plan”. When they asked me, do you have a plan after SHOUT, and I obviously said “No”. I didn’t even know who can I meet that week or how am I goanna go around Toronto. If you know me I like to plan and know what’s happening. By the end, I literally let God control and let God guide me, because I know He will take care of me and He did. I even survive comminuting alone from Brampton to downtown Toronto for the first time, without data and without getting lost for the first time. That tells you something about trusting God. By the end, I got to go around downtown, eat some delicious food, and form more and closer Christ centred friendship which I have never expected after from a “plan less” trip.

I’ll share one more, it’s about my first SHOUT especially MVA SHOUT, a lot of first came of that, some better first than others, also could be a reflection by its own. What I mean is that some parts of the activities highlights what I’m weak at but those activities I tried my best which basically SHOUT is ,it is training. Even though this was in a training environment that weekend, God will always gives us opportunities to be our better selves which no better way through our first. Even though some of my first might be discouraging I know God will give me opportunities be better and guide me to what He want me to be. Those first could be realization or confirmation that your weak or could be a sign for or a wakeup call from God saying you can be better so starting working on it.

Even though my share was all about “you’ll never know until you try” that doesn’t mean to try everything recklessly and break commandments, take it with a grain of salt. What I’m just trying to say is taking the path of holiness and be disciples of the Lord is hard and there will be a lot first that we will encounter. It will take a lot of trust and perseverance. It may seem that you’re alone going through this but always remind yourselves that God is with us guiding us and He knows what’s best for us. No matter what circumstances we are in God will reward us tenfold when we let go and let God.

We just need to take that first step and God will lead us the way.

To be completely frank and candid, I do not know how I feel in this moment. I don’t know how I’ve been feeling all week.

There’s a lot that has happened and is going on in my life recently. The start of a new job, the rapid deadlines and busy schedules of service, the processes of friends and their various life events and the dynamics of my family.

I don’t know how I feel about it all. I am very thankful for the moments when I recognize and count my blessings. But I also have moments where I think about everything going on and the timeline in which it is all happening and I know there are somethings I will have to prioritize over others.

I constantly question if my priorities are in the right order. And I know there are moments where I fail to do better. But what confuses me the most is that I don’t know my own mood at times.

Am I happy? Am I sad? Am I overwhelmed, tired, excited for what’s at hand… am I okay?

Quite honestly I don’t know. Sometimes in conversations with friends my mood, thoughts and words take me by surprise. It is concerning that I do not even know the state of my own heart in how I feel. I have thought about it and am trying to figure out how I feel but the only thing I come up with is, “I feel meh.”

In a sense it is a feeling of indifference, which immediately called to mind Revelation 3:15-17

¹⁵ I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! ¹⁶ So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. ¹⁷ You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.

How can I be indifferent to myself!? It doesn’t quite make sense and yet here I am. There a few things I need to discern about in life. I can be given a situation and see it logically and try to think of what God might be asking of the situation. However when it comes to actually making a decision that is for myself, I hesitate. Again I think about it logically and from what God may be asking of me, but is my thought process right? Have I actually thought about it properly?

This is like verse 17, my wealth is my ability to think and reason in most situations. Yet I do not realize I am pitiful, poor, blind and naked when it comes to wisdom or even trusting God’s plans for me.

I suppose in realizing this now, I need to figure out if I am hot or cold. Not only that, I need to be able to open up more, with humility, and ask for wisdom and guidance from the people God has already placed around me.

Lord, please help me to open up, to acknowledge how I really feel and to not be indifferent in life.

In Christ,

Meagan Webb