Dear God,
Thank You for the for the familiar experiences of Your presence in my life. Lately you’ve brought something back into my story where I am very vulnerable and very sensitive to…I pray I am handling it the way You want me to. Allow me to continue to grow with You, and allow You to work in me whatever way You want.
Allow me to use my time with You in mind.
Amen.
“Are you going to do what is right or what is easy?”
Deo Gloria
From April 22: Vulnerability
A conversation I had with a dear friend the other day got me pondering about what it means to open yourself up to love through vulnerability. The origin of the word vulnerable comes from the Latin word vulnus, which means wound. Growing up we experience all these different types of wounds; broken families, internal struggles, unhealthy relationships, and the list goes on. Wound after wound after wound, until eventually we no longer have to wonder why we’ve built up skyscraper high walls and defenses. However, the Lord continues to remind us that joy can be found in the exposure of our own hearts. He can and will find ways through grace to expose our hearts for Him. It’s in this exposure that we empty ourselves of everything we cling onto in order to let our Lord meet us right where we are in our vulnerability. For when we are vulnerable enough to let the Lord in, then can He transform our hearts and replace suffering with hope.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis
Love more
Do we protect ourselves and shield our desires with prayers to not let it turn into feelings and evaporate?
Let’s desire to evangelize and bring people closer to God. We are the hands and feet of God. He will help us bring and experience Christ to every single man and woman in the world. He will send people to help and guide us carry the mission to evangelize. I must believe those people He brings near us are very vital to prepare each one of us emotionally and spiritually. That He will continue to mold us and will keep the desire in our hearts burning to bring people closer to Him.
We must believe.
Last weekend was Mountain Region’s Regional Youth Conference (MAY 9-10) with the theme of “Believe (John 20:28).” It’s been 2 years since I last served at RYC. The weekend was honestly a milestone for this region, more than 300 youth participated (I think this year had the biggest turnout so far). For me, amidst the challenges, I felt very blessed to serve at this RYC.
As one of the Promotions & Documentation Head, I definitely got scared at first. I didn’t know where to start. I served in this committee before but only as a member. Thankfully my counterpart knew how to make graphics for promotions and she took that role (I was the one posting on the social media accounts). Other challenges included finding our committee members because neither of us serves in YCOM, coming up with promo schedules, etc. I am not really the best techie person so it added an extra challenge for me. But God provides, equips. Eventually, our committee team formed, promo graphics were posted, committee meetings were ongoing, etc. Going into RYC, I was really nervous. I just didn’t know how the weekend would play out despite having the documentation schedule, if we’ll have enough cameras/SD cards, if people will actually take photos/videos, etc. There were a lot of uncertainties. The first day of RYC was definitely a challenge but praise God we got through. We were able to post pictures of session speakers, etc and the team really served their best. Despite setbacks, challenges, difficulties, I thank my team for serving with me especially my counterpart.
Another highlight of the weekend was leading the closing praisefest. Why? I was asked to lead worship at RYC before, 3 years ago (I think), but I rejected it. I felt like I wasn’t ready. I did feel some regret after so I said to myself that the next time I’ll be asked I’ll have no more hesitation and say YES! I had an inkling that they would ask me and so they did. For the exhortation, I was asked to share a moment in my life when I felt doubt. Right away I knew that I had to share what happened last year (the doubt of my service role which eventually led me to step down). As days became closer to RYC and especially moments right before, I was really REALLY really REALLY nervous. But I knew I had to let go of everything so that I can truly worship and praise Him. Surprisingly, with God’s spirit I was able to move around, jump while leading everyone. When I worship, I always like to move. Praisefest ended with “Live For You” which is ONE of my most favourite Liveloud songs. Overall it was such a great/powerful experience being in the stage leading everyone.
This RYC couldn’t have come at a better time when I’m still coping with what happened last year. One thing that I heard a lot this weekend was “God meets you at your doubts.” He did, He met me when I still didn’t know what to do. Though I’m struggling right now especially with the setback (mentioned 2 posts ago), I have full trust and I firmly believe that He will take me where He needs me to be and that He will always take care of me, of my doubts/failures, etc. During our RYC recollection, I realized that my experiences were similar in some ways to St. Thomas when he doubted Jesus. Being able to reflect on St. Thomas and my experiences gave me so much hope for the future. As long as I point myself to God, nothing can ever destroy me. God’s timing is always perfect, He allowed me to go back to CFC Youth and serve at the right time in my life. I just hope that this RYC will continue to inspire me even more in developing a deeper relationship with Him.
Big S/O to the event heads and PFO team for their tireless dedication, support and for really being accountable to each committee. The RYC Committee Meetings we had were long but looking back, those meetings were the backbone of the proper executions during RYC.
Thank you God for always loving us, me. Thank you for anointing us, me and calling us to serve You. I hope and pray that I’ll always choose and seek ways to love You.
A few weeks ago, I was able to experience the Man of the Shroud exhibit. Before heading to the exhibit room, we were invited to watch a 30 minute video about it. One of the lines that stood out to me was something along the lines of, “When I die, how will my shroud look like? Will it be pure, clean and white? Or will it be dirty and full of blood as a sign that my life was lived for others?”
Reflecting on the sufferings of Jesus Christ – every single drop of blood, sweat, tears, cries of pain, agony, all of these were out of love for me. During Jesus’ Passion, Mother Mary watched her Son go through all of these. Despite the pain she was experiencing, she kept going on because she knew that everything was necessary to God’s plan of salvation.
What would the world be like if Jesus and Mary chose to be selfish?
There have been so many times when I just wanted to live life for myself even despite the knowledge that God wants to use me for a great mission. The journey ahead of me is daunting because I know it requires a lot of letting go of myself. But do I really want to live my life in comfort at the expense of my soul and the souls of the people I love?
Jesus, please teach me to love like You. Mother Mary, please help me learn to love my cross.
“When God wants you to grow, He makes you uncomfortable.”
It was so funny seeing this quote on Instagram yesterday because I can definitely attest to this. Over the past few weeks, and especially during RYC, I was placed in an uncomfortable situation, a situation that called for me to take an incredible leap out of my comfort zone and I was terrified. This situation required me to dig up a hurt that I had buried so deep in my heart, a hurt that I thought had healed. The Lord is never outdone in goodness though, because He knows exactly what I need, when I need it, and how I should receive what I need. In this case, fully receiving healing from my hurt was by sharing it with everyone at RYC.
After the share (with tears included), and following the session, we were given the opportunity to spend time with Jesus face-to-face in adoration. Now that I had a weight lifted off my chest, I was free to just be me; free to face Christ in total adoration and awe, without any baggage holding me back. I will never get over the sense of overwhelment in knowing how much Christ loves, and without restraint. No matter how many times I doubt Him and even hurt Him, He still loves just the same and is willing to hold me until I am quiet in His arms.
So with that, I leave with you one of my favorite songs – a song that sings of the longing of our hearts, to be the child that the Father cradles in His arms.