True North Missionaries Journal

The past few months have been hard for me to be honest. I haven’t felt so dry in the longest time, and I thought, being in the Community long enough, I’d know better than to let the dryness get the better of me. But it did. This post isn’t really meant to inspire or provide any deep insight, but as a fellow Catholic and most important brother in Christ, I owe it to everyone who prayed and cared for me an explanation.

After finishing school with a diploma in December, I thought that finding work and being able to finally start growing up would all just come right after. I finished with a counselling diploma, but I knew I wasn’t quite ready to jump right into the counsellor’s seat, so I thought my credentials could at least provide me with some sort of introductory career in the field of mental health.

It was really discouraging for the first couple of months, but I had the support of my loved ones and especially my CFC-Youth family to help keep my spirits up. But it was just rejection after rejection, less and less call backs, and more reasons to not believe in myself and want to push through. My prayer life definitely suffered, all my hard work in fighting lust and plans of becoming a better man of God went down the drain.

But I kept keeping up appearances, as if that all of a sudden made things better for myself and those around me. But all I did was lie, hide, and avoid.

It wasn’t until East Cluster’s Discovery Camp which literally just happened this past weekend that the Lord decided to show me how my suffering meant anything. How it finally made sense why I felt the way I felt.

One of my best friend’s was giving the last talk of DC, and all I kept thinking was, “Wow”. Knowing her from before and seeing her growth and seeing her push through her struggles and everything just finally came together for her at this moment to give one of the most moving talks I’ve ever heard. Maybe it was because of how close I was to her, maybe it was how she spoke with realness and understanding. But I knew from that point on I wanted to be like that. I was sick and tired of the dryness and at that moment, I completely and fully surrendered myself to the Lord at that point in time. I confidently gave him my hurts, pains, doubts, agony, and sadness because I wanted to so badly be with Him.

After her talk, I couldn’t even affirm her properly because so much was going on in my head. All my anguish and sorrow was meant for the Lord to take at that time. I’m still hoping and praying for my career to get underway, but I know if I ever feel dry again, I don’t want to wait around for another DC, I don’t want to wait around for some event and hope that it has that same effect on me. I want to lift everything up I have to Him NOW. Not at WNAC, not at the next CA or cluster event, but Right. Gosh Darn. Now.

“Remember who you are, you are my son.” Maybe you are also familiar with this line from the movie, Lion King.

 

 

Rafiki, the wise baboon led Simba to a pond after telling Simba his Father was alive. Simba looked and made a remark, “it’s only my reflection”. Rafiki demanded to “look harder”. The reflection changed into his Fathers’ and at that moment Mufasa, the Father, appeared in a vision in the sky and Simba desperately asked how he’s supposed to go on where Mufasa replied, “Remember who you are, you are my son.”

 

 

It has been years since I saw this movie and I was reminded of this line last week after my sister asked me if I happened to see the movie, Spirit. I haven’t, so I decided to watch it when I got home. It reminded me of Lion King because of the same line, “Remember who you are.”

 

 

Like them, I believe, we, needed to be reminded of who we are. Because of trials, sufferings, and sin, the world makes us forget who we really are. If we look into a pond like Simba did, we will see the reflection of God because we were created in His image and likeness and by spiritual adoption, we all become sons and daughters of God. Let us always remember who we are. If we keep this in mind, life won’t be easy but it will keep us going no matter what life brings us, knowing the Father will always be with us.

A wife and a mother of 4 is standing outside the steps of the church waiting to enter and be welcomed by her guest on her special day. With tears in her eyes she joined her husband as they partake in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony for the first time in the 13 years they were together.

Today, I witnessed this blessing from GOD. Through this community, CFC, this family was bonded by the grace of God and is truly blest. The simplest efforts of each member of the household turned into a big celebration of love. I am proud to be part of this wonderful community.

Lord, allow me to not spare any energy when it come to serving You. Allow me to give my all when I say yes to loving You, loving others. May my trials and tribulations merely be stepping stones into climbing closer into Your heart. May my life be of imitation of You. Though I am not perfect, You have made me this way so I may fully experience the true freedom in choosing to fall in love with everything You are. All knowing, All powerful, All present. 

Amen.

Deo Gloria

Last week I celebrated my 27th birthday, and in typical birthday fashion my family got me my favourite Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Although I’m not a big believer in the whole “make a wish when you blow out your candles” deal, I figured, let’s do it for fun and make it a small prayer instead. As much as I’m a non-believer in the practice of making a wish, I’ll still follow suit and keep the prayer to myself…just in case it doesn’t come true! Just kidding, our prayers are always obviously answered.

The gospel on that day, June 18, was from Matthew 6:7-15. What a fitting passage since my birthday always falls close to Father’s Day, and the Lord’s Prayer has been near and dear to my heart these last few weeks. The gospel was a reminder that just as my earthly father has always provided everything I needed and more (I’m a bit of a daddy’s girl whether I like to admit it or not), our heavenly Father does the same and finds it pleasing to love us.

“your Father knows what you need before you ask Him” [Mark 6:9]

Last night, we had our Monthly MV Meeting (it was a teaching night). I was in and out because of a core brothers’ Household. I was still able to go through the teaching from a document sent by our beloved Program Heads (thank you!!!!!!). The topic was on “The Ten Most Unwanted: Identifying the Joy Rubbers.”

It was about 10 joy-stealers in our lives. For the sake of everyone, the ten most unwanted joy-stealers are: fear, worry, loneliness, discouragement, anger, resentment, doubt, procrastination, temptation and jealousy.

At the end of the document, the reflection question states: which joy-stealer(s) has/have you run into? How did you handle it?

Since I wasn’t able to share it during the meeting, I’ll share it here. I’m sure all of us have experienced/are experiencing most, if not all, of these joy-stealers. But I am going to reflect/share on one that really affected the most.

WORRY
Aliases: Anxiety, Distress, Nervousness, or Unsettledness
Last seen: Tempting a young married couple to worry that they would run out of money if they began to tithe regularly.
MO: “Hey – wise up! God only helps those who help themselves.”**
Defense: Trust – “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Since 2nd year of university, my worries & insecurities really started to get ahead of my trust. Since high school, I have already started dreaming /hoping about becoming a doctor, #MEDDREAM (paediatrician, to be specific). First year, I was really excited to start university studies, to jumpstart the journey to Med. That excitement led to receiving a decent GPA, it was neither 4.0 nor close to it but it was good enough. Come 2nd year, I was taking classes that I disliked but I had to as part of requirements for Med Application. This is when the worry/unsettledness really started especially when I got my first midterm mark of the school year and it was below 50%. I began to procrastinate more which led to negative effects which led to even more worries. Fast forward, 2nd year ended, my GPA definitely dropped compared to the 1st year. I began to be more anxious, emotions were unsettled. Instead of praying/reflecting at the end of the school year, I just let it slide/avoid it, saying that it was summer anyways and I’ll think about it during September.
3rd year, I changed programs from General Science to Medical Laboratory Science in hopes of getting stable job/ after just in case I don’t get into Med right after. I was thinking, planning, sort of reflecting on how I’ll approach my studies this time so that 2nd year wouldn’t be repeated again. 3rd Year was probably the toughest year so far with 5 lectures and 7 labs per week. It was very demanding. One of my biggest weaknesses is dwelling so much on the past that instead of learning, I just spend my time dwelling/crying over and over again (the overthinker life). Instead of working harder, worries/insecurities/procrastination led to unproductive year. I passed but my GPA really suffered, it was the lowest of its lows.
In addition, because I’m the only child, there is another worry that my parents might not approve of me going away for Med in case I don’t get into the Med School here in the province (I was already looking for other universities, even outside of Canada); worry of leaving them, making it sound like I’m selfish, etc.
There was always just that blind hope that prayers would be enough, that God will make a miracle for me during every exam, every obstacle in my studies. Why I picked worry as the one I would share because I got hit by its MO. “Hey – wise up! God only helps those who help themselves.” I remember telling myself this over and over again. That God only helps those who help themselves. It’s funny because you think it’s true but the devil is so crafty that he distorts the meaning/purpose of God’s teaching. However I don’t think it means that one will expect manna from heaven without working for it. “Faith without action is dead.” But I think that God is telling us it doesn’t matter if we didn’t do our best, or we lacked motivation as long as we fully trust in Him He will provide. Obviously, for me it was half-hearted trust. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have those worries.
Now, I still have worries regarding Med. However, it’ll always be a dream/goal for the future. Because of the grace of God, I am more and more lifting this dream/desire to Him (it’s still not 100%). Over the past year, I have been affirmed that God will provide, that He will answer my prayers in the right time. The waiting time worries me (mind’s running in all directions everytime I think about it) but I know the Lord will build me up and prepare me for now, until that day when He’s ready to give my #MEDDREAM to me.