True North Missionaries Journal

Last weekend, I’ve had the chance to conduct my very first big event, YCOM Academy. The theme that we’ve discerned for was “Everything is Awesome” which was a reference to The Lego Movie. After watching the movie, a message was shown to me that helped me create parallels with the message that we wanted to convey for the event.

A single bible verse came to mind as I continued to ponder about the theme.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”-Jeremiah 1:5

Without spoiling the movie for you, I will explain how we came up with this theme.

Going from the movie trailer, you learn about a Lego figure named Emmet. Emmet is a regular, ordinary Lego figure, but was called to be extraordinary. In the movie, he is called “The Special” and the prophecy states that he is the most important person in the universe. Of course, Emmet realizes that looking at his own abilities, he is not this “Special” that everyone thinks that he is.

With that in mind, have you ever played with Lego? For me personally, I never played with Lego much. Whenever I had a chance to play with some, I would always build a jet fighter. I had even come up with a very specific design which i would like to recreate from time to time. It’s the same thing with anything you take time to work on. It might be a Lego structure, a painting, a video you’ve edited, or even a paper you wrote. A part of you is put into that creation whatever it is. And when you truly do your best, you start to believe that what you created is one of the best things ever.

This is exactly how our God feels. He has created each and everyone of us with our own abilities and characteristics. To Him, each and every single one of us is the most important person in the universe. With Him giving His best to create us, a part of Him is within each of us. How amazing is that?

Much like Emmet, sometimes we refuse to believe that we are special. We tend to downplay our own strengths, and we don’t see what the Creator sees.

I realized that I was suffering from this as well. For those of you that know me, you already know that I am known as a very shy and closed person. With that comes the fear of rejection, and the fear of not being good enough. It has driven me to take less chances, and to miss opportunities. I began to stick to my own comfort zone, and to settle for the ordinary.

These fears and doubts are what kept me from what my heart desired. I had feared my desire to apply for the Mission Volunteer program. What if I don’t qualify? What if my desires are selfish in nature? What if I can’t do this?

So now you might be wondering “What happened?”

The best way I can explain it is that I was uneasy. I was extremely uncomfortable. I thought I had a grasp on who I am, what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to be. But something kept stirring in my heart. It wasn’t until I expressed my desire to apply for Mission Volunteer, that peace came. Whether or not the program was for me, I knew that for me to find out where the Lord wants me, I need to take a step forward. I also need to have the faith that if I ever step in the wrong direction, He will lead me back to where I need to go.

Bringing it back to Jeremiah 1:5, God has created each and every one of us. He has made every detail in our lives. That includes the desires that he has placed in our hearts. We need to embrace our abilities, our talents, who we are, and who we are called to be because He is within us. Everything is Awesome because God has beautifully crafted everything and every person in this world.

Here is a quote from the movie that I feel God is trying to tell each and every one of us:

“You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things. Because you are the Special.”

Lord God, I pray that You continue to reveal Yourself within me. In this journey let me be less of myself, and more of You. I will praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Please use me as your instrument to let others know more of You, and let me never forget that you have made me Special. Amen.

 

 

 

A few weeks ago, I decided to do something that my teenage self would probably think was a horrible idea. I decided to spontaneously go on a road trip alone with my parents. For those who don’t know, my family is not tight-knit. We would always clash. Simple conversations would turn into heated arguments within seconds. Who knew that moving out was a blessing in disguise to the relationship with my parents. My place is incredibly tiny, so when they would visit me..I really had nowhere to go but to sit there and just talk. We would catch up once a week and just truly enjoy each other’s company.

This past year has opened up my  heart to realizing that time is precious. They will never know that I was secretly SO excited to go on a road trip with them. The amount of begging and convincing I had to do, just so we could long drive to San Francisco and Phoenix made them slightly suspicious though. We used to long drive across Canada, back and forth between Ontario, Manitoba and B.C. It was sort of our family thing to do. 18 hours to San Francisco. 14 hours from San Francisco to Phoenix. 29 hours going back to San Francisco (because of all the places we wanted to stop by on the way). 18 hours going back home. The entire trip was only 12 days. We took our time and rested a lot on the road, but that is seriously A LOT of time spent together, at least for us it was. I know there probably aren’t a lot of chances in life left to be able to do things like this. As simple of a trip as it was, it will be a moment I will always hold on to. The Lord has allowed me to see them in a completely different light than how I did as a teenager. It’s unbelievable how ridiculous my thoughts were of them when I was younger.  I cannot love them enough for how much they have done for my brothers and I.

Thank You, Lord for the opportunities of these precious moments in life. The love of a mother and father is incomparable to anything this world has to offer.

The following is a previously unpublished personal reflection from ALMIGHTY Conference 2012.

Brothers and sisters, this True North Conference placed me directly in the presence of the ALMIGHTY. He spoke to me through my collective conference experiences, but He also spoke directly to who I was, who I am and who I will be as a servant. Conference for me this year was a test of my posture in service. It was a test of the so called YES I’ve given to the Lord. It was a test of my willingness to sacrifice. This conference revealed to me that our Lord does not call us to mission when we are most capable, but rather when we are at our weakest and most desperate for Him. I believe brother and sisters, that with this posture, we can be made ready to magnify the Lord.

Let me begin by detailing some fun facts about me that will help you better understand my reflection. My name is Jesse Roca and I’m 24 years old. I’ve been in the community of CFC-Youth for 10 years, and I’ve served as the Area Head of Montréal for the last 4. My girlfriend of 7 years is the beautiful Hannah Pambuan, who I met and fell in love with in this community. Some of you may recognize her name because she’s the sole Mission Volunteer from the Canadien (previously Atlantic) Region. I have a knee condition that’s plagued me most of my life, which makes it very painful to kneel. I also suffer from terrible back pain which is caused mostly by my poor physical posture, lack of exercise and my generally unhealthily lifestyle. I tend to ramble on and on when I give sharings or when I reflect, so I apologize in advance for the length of my reflection and also for any run-on sentences. Here we go, I hope you all get something out of it.

When the theme of this years conference was first announced, I had no idea what God had planned to reveal to me in a short period of 3 days. If RYC’s theme of Dominus Est was about discovery and journeying to find the Lord, what then would my posture be once I was actually standing in the presence of the ALMIGHTY? Early on I convinced myself that I would have a response that’s strong, firm and calm. I was so certain that when I stood before Him I would be overwhelmed by His power, and I would have no other choice than to completely surrender to Him by my own will. This is the attitude I had going into the conference. I was sure it would happen this way. I was satisfied with my prediction.

During conference preparations I was asked to serve as a photographer for the Documentation Team. I happily accepted and was anxious to serve through witnessing and capturing Jesus moments, but I knew this meant that at certain times I would need to separate myself from the conference in order to stay focused on my role of getting great shots. I thought to myself that throughout conference I would still allow myself to feel the Lord during sessions and worships, but if I saw the opportunity for a good photo I would have to forgo my own desire to satisfy my spiritual needs for the sake of documenting the conference well. I was prepared to serve.

Friday night of conference I found myself running around like a crazy person. I would kneel, contort my body, crouch, sprint through the back hallways, wedge myself in-between the stages and much more. All of this just to get the right angle for a shot. That night was basically the equivalent of an intense workout for me, which included hundreds of squats. My body felt it instantly, and I was worried of how well I would be able function for the 2 remaining days of conference. I had already endured a 42 hour bus ride to Winnipeg, throughout which my movement was limited which stiffened most of my muscles, but even with exhaustion and pain, I was still joyful in service. For I was able to meet extremely talented brothers and sisters in the Documentation Team, and I was thrilled to see how strong CFC-Youth Canada had become since the last national conference in 2010.

Session 1: The Splendor of an ALMIGHTY King, started with a bang, and Hannah gave a sharing detailing her journey in discernment for the Mission Volunteer program. She shared how her father had passed away when she was young, and how God then gave her this community to experience His love in another way. She had grown into a strong woman of faith over the years, and through His grace she was able to see His purpose for her in this community. Her YES is a perfect example of a willing sacrifice, because she knows full well what it means to offer her life for the call to mission. I am so privileged to have her in my life.

Saturday morning when I woke up I could feel that my body was completely destroyed. My back, knees, thighs, quadriceps and calves all ached tremendously. I was even experiencing muscle spasms in my left hand and shoulder. I was almost at my weakest, but I kept going. What kept me motivated throughout the day was the fact that after Session 3, I would be meeting Jesus in adoration. I knew that my reflection of the theme would depend on that single moment, standing before the Lord. I knew that my spiritual response would be formed at that time, and that it would serve as the peak for my mountaintop experience.

Session 2: Man of Action, worked in deeply moving ways. It put forth a great message, and had a huge impact on the audience because of the incredible sharings. But it was at this point in conference that I noticed something strange. I felt as though something was missing. Yes I was hearing the sessions, I was soaking in the message, I was offering myself in the worships, I was attentive during the workshops, but I realized I wasn’t experiencing God fully in everything that I did. I think at times I just felt like a photographer, not a servant. After all, I did have to separate myself to try to get those great shots, and so I ended up playing off the strange feeling I had as a consequence of being dedicated to my service role. I told myself I’d fight through my selfish need to feel spiritually satisfied. I felt alone however, and I thought I could get myself through it.

As soon as Session 2 was over, I ran back to the main hall to get my camera set up for Session 3. To my surprise, Jesus was already presented in the monstrance at the main hall. Adoration had been pushed to an earlier time. I stood there shocked for a few seconds. My mind was racing, this was the moment I had been waiting for the entire conference. As I stood there I saw other brothers entering the room, each bowing and kneeling before the monstrance. I then realized that in my confusion I had completely ignored our Lord Jesus. I cursed myself immediately. This is what I was preparing myself for the entire conference, and I blew it. Shocked by my own ignorance I continued doing nothing, but then I saw someone approach me. It was Karella, a sister from the Metro Region I’ve come to admire for her passion and willingness to serve. She walked up to me and said, “don’t worry about anything, just pray.” At that time, I put my camera down, thanked the Lord for the beautiful and faithful sisters in my life, and proceeded to kneel down on the hard surface of the venue floor. Immediately, from my knees up, shot an intense pain that caused my whole body to tremble. I laughed, because in my preparations I thought I’d be strong, firm and calm before the Lord, but it turns out He had something else in mind. The whole conference He was preparing me to tremble before Him. He made me weak. He made me need Him even more. He made me desperate. With my knee condition, my weak back, my lack of sleep and my general unhealthiness, the Lord called me to be at my weakest and most desperate before Him in adoration. This moment, brothers and sisters, is when God spoke to me.

My body was ready to fail. So what did God do? He broke me even more. He spoke the words ‘Mission Volunteer’ to me. Two words that scared me. They spelt sacrifice. At my weakest, it seemed as if was God asking even more from me. However, I kept on refusing to hear what He was saying. But then God did something unexpected to catch my attention. He reminded me of my relationship with Hannah, and in that moment I knew He was allowing her YES to show to me how to love, how to sacrifice. God forced my hand. When the Mission Volunteer program first rolled out I wasn’t willing to offer my life for the call, but now, I had to be willing to let Hannah go, I had to be able to sacrifice the woman I love, in order for her to accept His call. If she’s called to mission in other regions of Canada, I’ll support her. If she’s called to mission in Africa, I’ll support her. I’ll wait, because I know that God will be preparing both of our hearts until we’re ready to mission together in marriage. God taught me to sacrifice, not in any way I expected, but who knows where this posture will lead me. And after God revealed all of this to me, I looked up, knelt up straight, pulled my shoulders back, put my chest out and met eyes with our God in hope. I had reached the peak.

So brothers and sisters, after kneeling and trembling before the ALMIGHTY at this True North Conference, I see that He is calling each and every one of us by name to sacrifice for the mission. In His presence he is asking us to be weak and desperate, and yet to somehow offer even more of ourselves. He is asking us to surrender not by our own accord, but by His will. In doing so, we allow Him to correct our posture, so that we may be built up for one shared purpose.

Our purpose, brothers and sisters, is to magnify the Lord.

—

As some of you may know, the Mission Volunteers had a Summer House Training for one week as soon as the ALMIGHTY conference finished. And tonight as I finish writing this reflection I had my first opportunity to FaceTime with Hannah in one whole week. Brothers and sisters, I teared as soon as I saw her face. Her sacrifice becomes my sacrifice. A sacrifice I willingly offer to the Lord. Through this whole experience I see that God has been breaking me, molding me to have a posture made for mission. I’m not sure what this means for my future, and my role in this community, but I know that if God calls me, it will be harder to ignore Him this time around.

—

– Jesse R.
Canadien Region
“I am, and We are Missionaries…
… Our mission is to love, and love is all You left us with.”

Today is my Grandmother’s 78th birthday. My family and I threw a make-shift, last minute birthday party for her this evening. In previous years, the whole family would just get together at a restaurant or a buffet. However, this year’s celebration differed in several ways. At face-value, it may seem that it was a simple celebration with family gathered as one, sharing a bucket of KFC chicken, Ube cake, and Sans Rival cake. However, the grandeur of tonight’s celebration was that of another victory.

On Thursday, March 13 my Grandmother was rushed to the ER and later admitted to the hospital. I’ll be honest when I say that it wasn’t the easiest day to get through. I hadn’t seen her so shaken in a while. I can’t get too heavy in detail about her health concerns (for confidentiality reasons). She was hospitalized for about two weeks, and within that period me and my family members had to take shifts caring for her and keeping her company. Some might say being at the hospital with her would be burdensome. And I could see why: I’m a full-time student with a full course load, finals nearly approaching, an active member in SFC, a CFCY Campus Based Program Head, a Catechist Assistant, a part-time Sales Associate, (just recently now) a Mission Volunteer, and adding anything else would be bit ‘too much to handle.’ But I realize that even more than that, I am a sister, a daughter, and a grand-daughter. That is my life-long vocation. In whatever vocation the Lord may call me to… I will always be a sister, daughter, and grand-daughter to my family.

The time I spent at the hospital with my Grandma will always have a special place in my heart, and in those moments I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but there right beside her. I learned so much about her and who she is as a woman. Instead of making an effort to preserve her strength because her health was declining, she would always endlessly repeat to me “you are beautiful” and “I love you,” and she meant it every single time. This brought me close to tears because she didn’t even have the energy to swallow or drink. Without a doubt, I know my grandmother is a woman of affectionate, sacrificial love.

If she wasn’t sharing kind words to me, she would be in prayer. She would repeatedly pray the “Our Father” and even pray “Ave Maria” in her sleep. I was dumbfounded, so in awe, so humbled. Before me was a woman painfully laying in bed–health deteriorating–and all she wanted to do was just love–love those around and love the Lord. And this led me to reflect on who my grandmother, my mom, and I were as daughters of God.

When I look at my mom and grandmother, they were both made by God to be resilient and fearless women. Both of them had gone through challenges that I could never imagine going through. My Grandma grew up through a war and raised five children in abject poverty. My mother was the first to graduate university and immigrate to a new country out of her whole family. So what does that mean for me? Am I fearless? Am I resilient? If you ask me, I will tell you a flat-out NO. My friends actually like to joke around and say that I “have no comfort zone.” But after my blunt “no,” I will proceed to say this: “No, I am not resilient. I am not fearless. But I know that because I am a daughter of God and that I am Loved, that the Lord is resilient through me, the Lord is fearless through me. I do not know where the Lord will take me, but looking at the lives of the women before me, I am affirmed that the Lord’s journey for me is Great and He will never leave me abandoned. It is a journey that I am excited for the Lord to unfold before me and walk with me.

AMDG

I have been reading Pope Benedict XVI book “Meditation for Every Day” as my daily Lenten guide this year and yesterday’s reflection was about how our Lord thirst for our faith. He allows and gives us many instances to encounter Him.

As I think back to all the days that my life seems to be so busy with work, service, family and relationship. I keep asking myself – have I fully encountered Christ in my daily life? Have I allowed the Lord to be part of my daily decision makings? And did I even encounter Jesus today? I came to the realization that I still have a long way to go and that encountering the Lord in my life means allowing time with Jesus and to let Christ reveal  his great mystery everyday and be sensitive to his presence. By reaching out to him and opening the doors of faith in me and to never tire to give the Lord my all.

Dear Lord, help me to recognize you and encounter you every day. – Love, Vanessa

Prayers can be good reminders. When we pray, we are reminded of the things we value and the people we love. We are also reminded of the good things we should do and the bad things we should not do. A prayer by Saint Ignatius of Loyola better reflect on this:

Lord, teach me to be generous;
Teach me to serve you as you deserve;
To give and not to count the cost;
To fight and not to heed the wounds;
To toil, and not to seek for rest;
To labor, and not to ask for reward –
except to know that I am doing your will.

Am I generous and self-giving? Am I courageous and diligent? Am I focused and humble? Lord, grant us the grace to be like Jesus. Amen.

Dear Blog,

What a blessed and fruitful trip to Saskatoon this weekend. I really did not know what to expect. The Big Sky Mission trip team needed to really rely on the Lord and trust in His plan that everything was going to “Work out”.

Funny story before I move on.

On the way to Saskatoon, which was an 8 hour drive by the way, one of the brothers in the car was sick and had a runny nose. It came to a point where he was sniffilin’ every 5-10 seconds and desperately needed some tissue to blow his nose. Therefore, we looked around in the van for some.

Looking throughly for a box of kleenex or even paper napkins from McDonalds or something (Sometimes we take too much and just leave it in our cars… right?), we had no luck. But, we found some wipes.

Score. We only had one problem. They were labelled “Tender Toughness” and were used to clean hard surfaces… WOMP WOMP.

Before we jumped to any conclusions, we wanted to check if the wipes were harmful when used on human skin. So, we checked the back to make sure that it was okay to use to blow the brother’s nose. We found the caution section but to our surprise it said, “COMMON SENSE CAUTION” which it then listed out all the things you should not do, including: do not rub on eyes, do not inhale, do not consume, etc.

Common sense caution? It actually said that.

As Catholics, we believe in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. We believe in many other things that brings joy to our heart and leads us to the everlasting kingdom which God has prepared for us.

It seems as if this should be common sense to us. It seems as though the teachings of the church, the sacraments, and loving thy neighbour as ourselves should not even be second guessed or even thought about. It should just be done.

But, of course, we tend to forget. We tend to let our human-ness take over us and we lose sight of what it truly means to have common sense in our heart. Christ in our heart. Christ in what we do, what we say and Him we believe in.

Actually, it should be more than common sense… it should be the only sense in our hearts. Christ in our hearts. It is also should be common sense that our Mother Mary should be the one who brings us closest to Her son.

But then sometimes I justify and say, “its hard sometimes” or “but he/she didn’t deserve to be given my love” or “I’ll just do this one time… no one will know.”

Lord, heavenly Father, grant us the strength and grace to know you more and more so that our heart resides in you.