True North Missionaries Journal

“That’s one of the great things about music. You can sing a song to 85,000 people and they’ll sing it back for 85,000 different reasons.” – Dave Grohl, lead singer for Foo Fighters.

I currently own a Mexican made Fender Telecaster, it has a black glossy finish and a white pick-guard. The knob on the pickup selector has gone loose and falls off every now and then which usually causes a panic as I look around trying to find it. Up until a few weeks ago the only amp I owned was a tiny 15-watt Peavey Blazer 158, which has served me well over the years as a practice amp. The amp is old and beaten up, so sometimes I need to give it a kick for the wiring to fall into place, otherwise the amp would fall short of its one and only purpose.

I’m now the proud owner of a 50-watt Vox AD50VT, and man does it scream.

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A few weeks ago I was helping out at the Regional Youth Conference here in Montreal. I try my best to never go into an event having any expectations on how the Lord will reveal Himself to me, and this RYC was no exception.

I was asked to help out with the morning setup, the Awake Fair photo booth, and to be responsible for posting to the the cfcyouthcanada Instagram feed.

I did my duties.

During the time slot for competitions the main hall was empty, so naturally I, having a long history and current desire to serve for music min, picked up the lead guitarists Fender Stratocaster (without permission… sorry Raphael!). I turned on my Vox AD50VT — which was being used for RYC — set the output to about 45-watts, selected the UK Modern amp model with a ridiculous amount of gain, and just went to town.

Within minutes two brothers from Montreal, Jon Eric and Gio, picked up the bass and drums respectively and started to jam with me. It had been so long since the last time the three of us played together in that capacity, and there was just something so right and so raw about how it played out.

Tone & timbre was on point.

The Lord chose to speak to me speak to me in very specific way during that mini jam-session, He affirmed in me that our desires will always lead us back to Him. And although Jon Eric, Gio and I may have been reciprocating our love back to God musically for different reasons, we were — the three of us — playing the same song.

Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”

This week I attended a funeral for the first time. The name of the man who passed away was Tito Rudy. I remember when I was making my way to the funeral home for the viewing (day before the funeral), I just kept praying for his soul and for the Lord to bring his family peace and comfort during this time. Since I’ve never been to a funeral before, I wasn’t sure what to expect. However, praying for his soul was constantly on my mind.

Tito Rudy was a very quiet man, and I didn’t really get to talk to him much while he was alive, though I do wish now that I did. I also wasn’t aware until recently that he had cancer. During the viewing, I stood in front of him, gazing at his lifeless body, and he just looked so peaceful and I felt that spirit of peace while I was standing there. I remember just asking the Lord to allow this man to enter heaven. All I heard were good things about him from his family. Though he was quiet, he attended all family parties and was the “overseer”, making sure everyone and everything was running smoothly. I know there were a lot of other things I didn’t know about him, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was something he was praying for so desperately before he died. Then, I just prayed for the Lord to fulfill his desires and may they be aligned with His will.

Tito Rudy’s niece was telling me about a time while he was in the hospital, a couple days before his passing, that a nurse walked in on him kneeling on the floor at the side of his bed. This man was so sick, he was barely able to talk. By the grace of God, he was able to find strength to push and kneel before to Lord to pray. The nurse said, “what are you doing?”, then Tito Rudy replied, “I’m praying.” So, he prayed. At that moment, I saw a vision of him kneeling and looking up with desperation for the Lord to answer his prayer. So I asked the Lord again, “Lord, please answer Tito Rudy’s prayer. I don’t know why you keep planting these thoughts and visions in my head, but whatever it is, please hear my prayer too.”

I saw his other niece sitting close to the casket, and she was crying. I approached her, and she said, “Ekah, he was such a good man. It’s so sad to see him go. I can’t believe he’s actually gone now. I know he’s in a better place now, he’s with God.” Then, she went on to tell me a story about him during his last days at the hospital as well, and said, “He was sleeping, and my aunt, another aunt, and two cousins  were in the room with him. Then, the hospital Chaplain (also a priest) came into the room. Tito Rudy woke up and asked the Chaplain if he could receive the Eucharist. The priest left to get his stuff, and came back. As soon as the Eucharist touched his tongue, he lifted his hands and arms up to the Lord and started praising Him. I had goosebumps from top to bottom. Like….WOW! God is truly amazing.

Later on that evening, I was talking to the second niece again, and she said, “You know Ekah, Tito’s prayer was for Jacob (his 6-yr old grandson, who has been sick in the hospital)  to be saved after his surgery, and for God to take him instead. So loud, and clear! The Lord answered my prayer 🙂

Lord, in these two days between the viewing and the funeral, I was able to to get to know the type of man you made Tito Rudy to be. Thank you so much for this opportunity. It was a time of celebration for Tito Rudy’s life, and it has taught me to be even more thankful for the gift of life and the people close to my heart. The humble and loving heart that you blessed him with, has brought joy and inspiration to his loved ones. Thank you, Lord, for Tito Rudy and blessing my life with him, even if it was just for a bit. Amen.

Rest in Peace, Rodolfo Cruz
(1941 – 2014)

God is not obsessed with your sins, He is obsessed with you.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “Love keeps no records of wrong.” His love looks at our goodness and beauty more than our anything else. He is not obsessed at keeping lists of our sins but remembering all the good things we have done. Are we obsessed with what others have done wrong or what others have done right?

“Lord Jesus, you stumbled time and time again beneath the weight of the cross. Lord, have mercy” (Third Line from the Litany of the Cross).

Today is the fifth week of Lent. As we continue to prepare our hearts to be with Lord the day of His crucifixion, I am reminded of my cross and how I am called to take it up daily. These 40 days of fasting is truly a pilgrimage, a build up to the ultimate act of Love. Each cross we carry is heavy, some might even say that it is ‘burdensome.’ But as we look at the Passion of Christ, we see that even Jesus stumbled while carrying His cross. But not once did He ever ask that this cross be lifted from him. Christ embraced his cross and persevered to fulfill His mission. In fact, the cross, His cross was the epitome of His mission.

As I reflect on  the cross I bear, I realize that it is comprised of my sins, my failures, my familial relationship struggles, and my illness. It also includes my imperfect posture. I have something called ‘scoliosis,’ meaning that my spine is crooked and weak, sometimes causing me severe pain to point where I am bed-ridden for a day or so. I don’t like talking about my struggle with it too much, so I’m surprised I’m even inserting this sharing in my blog. It’s one of the things I am most insecure about and causes so much worry in my head. I always end up thinking: What if when people realize that my spine is crooked they’ll see that I am deformed? What if they make fun of me? What if I can’t do all the things I have to get done because I’m stuck here in this dumb bed?  

Because of this condition, I shouldn’t be carrying such heavy items or under so much stress. However, this past lent the pain has been increasing and occurring more frequently. Despite the pain, I still push forward the best I can through the grace of God. Sure, my spine may be crooked and weak, but that is because God is moulding me under the weight of my cross. And I realize that this pain is nothing in comparison to what the Lord endured while carrying His cross in Calvary.

It is the moments when we stumble under the weight of our cross that we are reminded of how desperately we need the Father and His grace. Because of this, I believe that to stumble is to be blessed. Truly, words cannot describe the beauty in bearing our cross. “To live with the Lord, we must die with Him.” And so, with Good Friday quickly approaching, we must ask ourselves: If I desire to be with the Lord so much, am I willing to be crucified with Him on my own cross? Whether or not your answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ pray that the Holy Spirit will (continue to) give you the strength to carry your cross on your mission.

I pray that we may desire our cross. Through embracing our cross, may we find peace and love in the Lord. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give us strength to lift our crosses high to show the world that we are beyond blessed by the cross because it is our key into Heaven.

Monday, April 7 I woke up with massive shooting pain on my left foot/leg.  It was so painful that I could not even move my left foot/leg area.  A lot of things came to my head… It might be a broken bone, gout, a pinched nerve or a sprain.  Worry and pain was really eating me and all I could think about was I wanted the pain gone! I decided to head to the ER and see what this was all about. While waiting for the doctor I was so worried about how this might affect my work, service and up-coming events that I needed to finish in the next few weeks. Not able to walk or limp would place me in a very difficult situation and a casted foot is what I really do not need right now. I was praying “Please Lord, I hope nothing serious” and after 3+ hours of waiting, X-ray and some assessment by the ER doctor – I was sent home. Thank God, it was only a bad sprain and the shooting pain was caused of a lower back pain.

As I was lying on my bed and really contemplating about the whole event – I felt so ashamed.  It was so natural for me to worry about what was inconvenient and difficult that I didn’t realize that this was nothing to what the Lord felt during his agonizing time and his crucifixion. Lent was reminding me once more of Jesus’ mystery. I felt that God was testing me on how much do I really depend on my own will and not His? God’s plans and not mine, Our Lord first above anything and everything! Offer everything to the Lord!

I ended up sobbing not because of the pain on my foot but how I have acted in this situation. It was though God was showing me His heart and it was pure and forgiving.  I realized that I needed to be more aware of God in all the things that comes to me – May it be a tough day or a good day.  After really letting the Lord reveal Himself in this situation I know that I have much to improve on and that I will try to be a better and even more faithful daughter.

I am thankful that it is not a serious injury but more grateful that I was able to see the Lord in this and that I am given a chance to make things better.

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

I once heard someone say, “100 days of happiness is dumb…” It was in the context that there should be more than just 100 days of happiness and more than one thing to be happy about. But in fact, I disagree with the statement that it’s dumb. Some people have been accustomed to be unable to easily pick out one piece of happiness every day. So in fact, this challenge is quite heart-warming…

In the world we live in, everyone is always “on the go.” Even when people aren’t really busy, they make themselves busy because the reality now is that BUSY IS COMFORTABLE. It’s true. I, among many others, used to think the busier one is, the more successful, accomplished and competent it makes them. But what is the value of this competence and so-called ‘success’ if it only brings a temporary moment of pleasure in the simple claim of a title? When this temporary pleasure passes, we begin to work like drones again with perplexed looks on our faces and anxiety written all over our mind. And then life becomes a roller coaster… an endless ride of ups and downs. I feel as though I live in a world where we chase temporary pleasures, which is why I think this “#100daysofhappiness” challenge is actually as smart move for humanity.

Yes, it is ONE thing every day. But it is always something diffferent. And it brings back memories and emotions of happiness that many hold very dear and have boxed up in a keepsake box that is never opened again, OR some sort of happiness that we have taken for granted. This challenge allows us to open our hearts once again and TREASURE one thing at a time instead of glossing over the value of happiness something or someone brings. It allows us to use our hearts once again and surf above the tide of being too intellectually set; it allows us to open ourselves to simple happiness and correspondingly, LOVE.

According to statistics and research, it takes 21 days to break and/or make a habit.

In participating in this challenge, we are allowing an old habit of putting treasure and value back into happiness every single day. In this challenge, we are pulling ourselves away from a HUGE Velcro of false pleasures, and in turn, making ourselves busy in the different ways of love… for ourselves, for one another, and for Life! It’s not easy, but it begins with Day 1.

100 days of happiness? It’s not a challenge. It isn’t a lame fad. It is far from dumb. It’s the beginning of a beautiful lifestyle!

In preparation for lent, my friends and I decided to do random acts of kindness (commonly known in the community as RAK). We’re all excited as we prepare for it. Our plan was to give flowers to random people with a love note attached on it. Excitement started to fill our hearts the night before our RAK day. We gathered in one of our friends’ house and preparsed those sweet notes… and of course we tried to be as sweet and loving and sincere (even though some of the words are from the internet, :p) as we could be as wrote those words on fancy flowery sticky notes. That night was really fun!

Of course the best part was the RAK itself… our goal was simply to make people smile. We grabbed fresh roses from Safeway and handed them into random people at  random places – coffee shop, business office, parking lot, bus stop, drive thru (which became the most popular for us, more convenient I guess!), toboganning park, and even caught some people in residential area. And as expected we got different reactions from people. They would scream, they’re wide eyed, some were speechless… We don’t know what they’re thinking, but we are sure of one thing: they are happy. So we all can say: Mission accomplished! They are happy, but we are happier.

A couple of weeks after that, I just finished laundry and was about to leave the shop when a lady knocked at my car. I opened the window and right there I found out she’s drunk and she could barely talk. She said she’s lost and doesn’t know her way home. She told me her address but said I am not familiar with the area (I said that with all honesty though) and she can just ask anyone inside the laundry shop. It seems she didn’t hear what I said and for the second time she asked me again if I know the way to her place. So I repeated my answer and deep inside me I was wishing she would walk away… because I was scared. Then she left. I felt safe. I was thankful. I was relieved… until I got home.  I felt guilty, thinking about the woman and hoping she’s safe. I could have done something more than telling her to ask the people in the shop. I could have googled her address and take her home. I could have called some help if I am scared to do it alone. I felt so ashamed.

And then it came back to me… all the “kindness” that we did at RAK. All our excitements and eagerness were there to do our RAK – because we’re prepared, because there’s four of us, because we kinda know what to expect. But unfortunately that’s not how the game of Christianity is played.

I am not saying that RAK is just for fun or its not right, people would kill me. I would definitely do that again when I got a chance. But I think God expects more from us. 2 Peter 3:10 says “The Lord will come like a thief in the night”. The Lord presents himself in our daily encounter with people, usually at times we do not expect. Jesus shows Himself to us through random situations, through random people, at random places. When this happens, are we prepared with our random acts of kindness? Let’s not just RAK people, let’s RAK the Lord! 🙂 #jet