Sister, sister

I grew up not having a sister-like role model in my life. 2 younger brothers, no cousins close to my age, constantly on the move from school to school, etc. I always tried to keep in touch with people, but time always broke down everything. Being in this community, I have been blessed with countless sisters that I have grown to love, look up to, and take care of. This past week the Lord has been speaking to me through various sisters, as a reminder of love. How blessed am I, to simply hear God working through them just by a phone call or text. In person, the beauty that they radiate is purely inspiring. I have always struggled to be a true daughter of God through my actions and words. The sisters that I have grown to know and love in this community are always constant reflections of Jesus to me. No matter the distance, thank You for blessing me with a lifetime of friendships, love, and laughter.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds; for he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself. –Sirach 6:14-17

Jesus Move

This past week (last week) has really been a very busy yet very fruitful week.  We just had the 2014 CFC-SFC PreConference here in Toronto, with this year’s theme: DESIRE, with the anchor verse from Mark 10:51, ‘then Jesus said to him, “what do you want Me to do for you?’ The blind man said to Him, “my Teacher, let me see again.’”  This PreCon has truly been a blessing, and I honour each and every person who served and participated this year. 

This year’s theme really speaks loudly to me, God is asking me, “Mark, what do you want me to do for you?  What is your desire?”  It’s funny, when I hear God asking me what’s in my heart, I can easily say, “well Lord, You already know,” but I think God is asking me this question not because He doesn’t know what’s in my heart (since He already knows everything, He searches deep within my heart), I think it’s about Him revealing to me and helping me figure out what my true and deepest desires are, these desires which He alone has placed deep within my heart; desires which can only be satisfied by Him alone.  Praise God for Ryan Mina who gave one of the sessions for the PreCon.  When I first joined SFC, Ryan had always been someone who inspired me in my faith, who helped me grow, and someone who I truly looked up to, and I still do today.  God reminded me once again, through Ryan’s session, that God alone can satisfy my deepest desires, nothing else.  He alone can fill me to the brim.  Although I may try and look for worldly pleasures and happiness, it is God Who I truly long for deep in my heart.  God alone can fill that emptiness which the world’s pleasures offer. 

So now, after listening to God throughout the PreCon, I ask the Lord to FILL ME TO THE BRIM, to use me where He desires.  I long for Him.  This longing I have for the Lord, to know him, to love Him, to serve Him, and to one day be with Him forever in Heaven, only comes from Him, the Giver of all good things. I am forever grateful for his seeds of Grace which He alone has placed in my heart which draws me closer and closer to Him.  So I thank the Lord with all my heart, for as much as I may think that I am myself am initiating my service to the Lord, it is Him Who calls and draws me, it is Him Who anoints, it is Him Who calms the storm in my heart, it is Him Who moves within me, and I thank You Lord for Your goodness and mercy.

Here’s a song which was sung by one of the competition bands in the PreCon which has captured my heart:

JESUS MOVE

Let the power of God fall down on us
Let Your power fall down right now
Let the Spirit of God pour out on us
Let Your Spirit Pour out right now

For Your Glory and You only
What You say is what we’ll do
Let Your passion become action
Holy Spirit come move

Jesus we’re alive to glorify Your Name
Let Your Spirit rise among us now as we sing
Jesus move

Let the love of God come alive in us
Let Your love come alive right now
‘Cause we don’t want to leave until we’re changed
So here in our hearts God have Your way

Dear God, weed out of my heart anything and everything that is not of You.  Have Your way in me.  Jesus, move within me, in Your mighty Name I pray, Amen.

Meeting A Saint

This is a story about my first memorable encounter with a saint.

This took place at World Youth Day 2011 in Madrid, Spain. To be more exact it happened in a small town called Torrelodones.

It was around noon and 4 friends and I had just finished eating brunch. On our way back to the villa where we were staying, A.C. noticed a church along the way.

After noticing the church, we decided to enter because we haven’t really had a chance to visit any churches during our visit.

We all walked in, and the first thing I remember noticing was the name of the church. St. Ignatius de Loyola. The next thing I noticed was that the church was empty. I was expecting a lot of people since it was during WYD, but I was mistaken. As soon as we walked in we all started to pray as you can see in the picture above. If you can see there are only 4 people in the picture because the 5th person is taking it. His name is R.C.

As we were praying I noticed a flash of light. I knew it was R.C. because he was the only one taking pictures in the church. A few minutes have passed and I noticed that R.C. was missing, but I did not think much of it.

After finishing my prayer I walked to the back of the church and I noticed R.C. coming out of a room and I asked him if there was a washroom there. He replied saying that he just had confession but the priest only spoke in spanish. I also wanted to have confession so R.C. led me to the room.

I was walking towards the room and the first thing I noticed was that R.C. was panicking. Then he asked me if anyone passed by me. I responded with a confused “no”. Then I realized that there was nobody in the confessional. R.C. was very surprised and shocked to see that nobody was there. He even had the idea that there must have been a trap door hidden in the floor. R.C. started freaking out, and he started calling out for the priest. “Padre? Padre? Padre?” is what he was yelling while looking for this priest, inside and outside of the church.

During this time I had no idea what was going on. I was just kinda observing everything. As we walked back into the church R.C. asked me what the church is called. I told him that it is the church of St. Ignatius of Loyola, but I do not think he heard me because he was so confused at the same time.

E.F. came to the back of the church because she noticed all the commotion that was happening.

She started asking R.C. about everything that was happening and she asked him to explain it from the beginning. I remember seeing a silhouette of R.C. and E.F. hugging in front of a cross hanging on the wall of the confessional.

After all the explaining we started walking towards the front of the church along the left wall. E.F. then asked R.C. about the appearance of the priest asking him “What did he look like?”

He was wearing a white stole. He was balding and had a beard. As we were walking towards the front of the church R.C. noticed a statue of St. Ignatius at the front of the church.

We stopped…

He pointed at the statue…

“THAT’S THE GUY! THAT’S THE GUY I HAD CONFESSION WITH!”

He just had confession with a saint.

We started freaking out. We immediately started to pray again. R.C. was crying and E.F was excited. I was just simply amazed. It was so funny because R.C. was so excited to do his penance and we were all in such awe.

Maybe around 5 minutes passed, and R.C. got up and sat beside A.C. and I remember seeing A.C. just rest her head on R.C.’s shoulder without really realizing that he was there.

After praying, I got up and just stood outside the church, simply waiting in awe of what just happened. Eventually E.F. and the last friend M.I. got up and met with me in the back.

It was so funny because M.I. was asking about everything and we simply just told him that R.C. met St. Ignatius.

A few minutes passed and the bells of the church started ringing. And it was ringing for about 15 minutes. R.C. and A.C. then followed us in the back of the church. E.F. pulled R.C. to the side and wanted to show him a picture of St. Ignatius on the side of the school which was beside the church.

This part will always get me.

R.C. responded with such confusion. He was getting upset with us as we were explaining what happened in the past 20 minutes. He thought we were making up a story because he only remembers his initial prayer when he knelt in the back of the church, then falling asleep and waking up beside A.C.

He could not remember anything that happened in between. He was in so much doubt that I had to show him the picture that he took of us praying. I believe God allowed us to have this picture that I am sharing with you as proof of this story.

To this day he still cannot remember what happened in August 2011.

God used R.C. that day as a tool to speak to E.F., A.C. and I. I initiated R.C. to go back into the room. E.F. comforted him and A.C. explained everything.

As A.C. was explaining everything, I remember them sharing with me something that happened during the explanation. As A.C. was processing everything, R.C. was glaring at the statue of Jesus, and as soon as A.C. said a specific phrase, the Jesus statue started to cry, with tears rolling down his face… After this experience we all went home and started researching about who St. Ignatius is.

Every single person in that church that day was facing something very big. Our crosses were very heavy as we entered that church, but our crosses did not become lighter, but we left being stronger.

During this time of my life, I remember praying a lot for God to answer my prayers.  I was discerning to be the East Sector Head of the GTA and I just remember being very scared about accepting a role like this prior to WYD, but after this experience, with the theme of that year being “the full armour of God”, and learning more about St. Ignatius and how he is the patron saint of catholic soldiers, and seeing what God has done for youth all over the world, how could I not say yes to Him.

God truly desires more for me and if it wasn’t for that experience in WYD 2011, I honestly do not know where I would be today.

May this story reignite your faith as it does mine every time I recall it.

Dear Lord, may you continue to bless this community with amazing experiences so that we can share the love that you have given to us. 

St. Ignatius of Loyola, pray for us. 

Shooting Stars and the Idle Heart

Right now, I am currently writing this blog while hanging out in my hotel room. Three days into the trip,  there is something deep within me that is unnerving. I thought it began with my flight here.

Upon landing in the airport, I was so captivated by the countless stars in the night sky. I was so blessed to have an opportunity to star-gaze with the Lord. It was definitely a perfect moment. Each star was placed specifically in that spot by the Lord; each star had its own purpose. Though its purpose is unknown, it still shone so beautifully. I began to wonder: ‘Why did the Lord create me? What’s my purpose?’

The plane landed shortly after, so my reflection was disrupted. And to be honest, I brushed the thought to the side, much like the past few weeks. The trip progressed, and you would assume that I would be so ecstatic about the sun, warm weather, shopping, fancy shows, and restaurants–don’t get me wrong–I know that these are huge blessings. And I am so grateful for them. But even with all its worldly grandeur, it fell into the theme of my life for the past few weeks: passing. 

I guess things just got so piled up for the past few weeks that I allowed myself to just be spiritually numb to everything. It reflected in my prayer life, my relationships with those around me, my service, and the resonating absence of patience (a virtue I so tirelessly struggled with the Lord to slowly instil  within me).  For the past few weeks I witnessed so many victories and received so many blessings. My head knew that this was amazing and that the Lord should be unceasingly praised about it, but my heart just continued to say “meh.” This is what made (and still continues to do so) me feel so unnerving. I know that deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down inside I urgently desire to be so in tune with the Lord; I desire that we be so in tune that our connection would be inseparable. In a response to this, I have been trying to change my ‘prayer structure’ but have yet to find something that will allow me to just be with the Lord. This inner-displacement within my heart is what keeps me from stepping towards that.  Or so I thought.

I believe that I am a shooting star. These stars that you catch passing by are so beautiful, but so morbid at the same time. From what I know of, shooting stars are actually stars that are burning out or ‘about to die.’ And I am like this star, passing by. The reality is, also, that I am about to burn out and this heart of mine will ‘die.’ For this, I praise God! Why? Because there is hope. Like the disciples and Mama Mary waiting for the Holy Spirit after the Ascension of our Lord, I must patiently wait for the Lord to send the Holy Spirit to make my heart anew.

 

God is persistent

In the past weekend, Big Sky was blessed to be able to have another Entry Camp. I was tasked to handle Registration and help out with Music Ministry. But for some reason, walking into the camp, I felt a sense of unworthiness and I felt that I didn’t belong there. I was simply stubborn and I felt unworthy as a leader.

Yes, I haven’t been keeping up with my blogs. Yes, I haven’t been keeping up with my emails. Yes, I haven’t been keeping up with my one-on-one’s. Yes, I’ve missed a lot of camp meetings. Yes, I haven’t studied enough for the MV exam. In the past week, I’ve been feeling so inadequate as a brother/leader.

By the end of the camp, I was reminded that no matter how I feel and no matter how many shortcomings I have, I am already loved. I realized this through many brothers and sisters that I’ve encountered during the camp. As I kept telling myself how much I didn’t belong there, God would always bring someone to me, to affirm me not only in my service, but to affirm me that I am where I’m supposed to be. He was very persistent because I was very stubborn! He used MANY of my brothers and sisters to affirm me in some way. Here are a few examples:

Almost 3 years ago, in the very first youth camp that I facilitated, there were four brothers in my discussion group. John Laracas was a facilitator in the past weekend’s camp and John Arevalo visited the camp as a prayer warrior. Both of them (at different times during the camp) told me they still have the letters that I gave them during their own entry camp three years ago. They both said that they keep the letters close to them because it reminds them of their calling as God’s son. One of them actually told me how much of an inspiration I am to him.

I was also able to witness two of the brothers within my household serve. Oneal Marcelino served his first time as a facilitator and Vic Dela Torre was the camp servant. In the duration of the camp, both of them (at different times during the camp) thanked me for being there for them. Witnessing their growth up until the youth camp really affirms me that God really used me in their growth and that I myself am still growing as well.

My HSB counterpart and fellow MV, Ate Lara Suarez, was the assistant team leader for the camp. Initially, I was supposed to sleep at the campsite for the two nights, but I decided to just go home because I felt so out of place. She offered to pay for my registration fee in case I wanted to stay. This simple offer almost had me at tears. When I got home the first night, I was looking for my glasses, but instead I came across old SHouT letters. It’s so funny because the first letter I opened turned out to be Ate Lara’s from our last FHouT, expressing her excitement as my new counterpart and her promise to always affirm me as a brother.

Nearing the end of the camp, two sister leaders in HSB visited the camp for mass. After mass, we had the session with the parent’s. When the participants were praying over their parents, the HSB leaders present at the camp prayed over Ate Lara and I.
“God has given you to me, Ate Lara and Kuya Gyan…” 

I couldn’t help but feel soooooo loved. The sense of unworthiness and detachment became feelings of motivation and belonging. I knew that in that moment, that was where I was supposed to be.

In our stubbornness, Our God will continue to tug on our heartstrings, tap on our shoulders, and call our names until we realize what we’re failing to see. I was blinded by the mistakes I’ve made and I failed to see that despite the shortcomings I have, this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your persistent grace and relentless love.

God’s love for me

I had the opportunity to make my way to Vancouver Island for Victoria’s camp, by myself in a section where I can view the vast beauty of God through the window. The waves of the sea, the birds flying, the hills and folds of mountains, the blue sky, the clouds, the sunshine and the small islands are all things I was blessed to behold. Then I just began thinking of how great, mysterious and creative our Creator is. Then I began thinking of how great he has been in my life. At the same time, I was listening to a music playlist I haven’t listened to in over a year which include were, “Came to the rescue”, “Rhythms of Grace”, “None but Jesus”, “I Will Exalt you”, and “The Stand”.

I began to think of God’s great love for me because I was thinking “even this huge ocean doesn’t compare to His love.” Then I began to think of how He loves me and how much He’s blessed me. And I couldn’t believe it. It’s hard to believe that the Lord loves me so much even though I am so unworthy, through all the hurts I’ve caused Him and to his people. His mercy is unfathomable. I can’t believe He knows all the things I’ve done wrong yet chooses to let me take my next breath. On top of that, I can’t believe He’s blessed me and continues to bless me with so many people that love me and care for me and a community that accepts. All of these are gifts I have failed to recognize and appreciate in the past and probably will continue to in the future. But He still loves me.

He really wanted to reflect and meditate because for some odd reason “Rhythms of Grace”, repeated twice during the time I was in deep reflection after the playlist repeated several times. How providential haha! As it is sung in the song, no eye has seen no ear has heard the depths of His love, no mind can fathom the love He deserves and how great He is. My eyes were filled with tears of joy. It was so hard to hold back in a ferry hahaha!

I know He allowed for this to happen just so I can be filled with love. I thank the Lord that He gave me that opportunity to appreciate and be grateful for everything, because without that opportunity I don’t think I would have been properly ready to serve. How can I love others if I don’t let myself be loved? How can I let the Lord’s grace overflow onto others if it is not overflowing within my heart? How can I give something that I don’t have? My heart was filled with love and joy looking forward to sharing that love and joy to those at the Victoria camp. In those moments I have never felt so loved in my life. I was made ready to love at that time because I was full of Love Himself. Praise God!

Totus tuus

Love in Beauty

The MV Exam, for me, is a reminder of how beautiful the community really is. These individuals took the exam because they are drawn to the community so much that some are even discerning to be full-time pastoral workers—people who end up giving their lives to the Lord through the community. They are captivated, and like anything truly beautiful, it would take one a long time to find out the details that makes it so. Being an MV and FTPW is wonderful because we get to see the details that make up the beauty of the Lord in our community like we’ve never seen or experienced before.

May our discernment be drawn by love in beauty. Amen.