True North Missionaries Journal

He died at the age of 23. We met back in junior high. Though we lost connection as years passed by and our lives became polar opposites, he was still a dear friend to me and randomly bumping into him was a joyous encounter. I couldn’t believe it when I woke up Sunday morning, realizing that he was gone–shot in the neck and pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. He pushed a friend out of the way and took the shot himself. Because he would. He loves those around him so much that he would literally give his life for them. When it comes down to it, most people wouldn’t.

I think there are a lot of people who have this ill-perceived judgment that people who get caught up in the streets are terrible, heartless thugs and that ‘they deserve whatever they have coming to them.’ But he wasn’t like that at all. In fact, most of them aren’t. If you took the time to get to know them, you’d find that they love their family and friends deeply and are always loyal. And just like most people, they too have experienced difficult situations.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t condone or support that ‘street life.’ In fact, i’ve actually experienced a lot of heartbreak and tears witnessing some of my friends be so caught up in it–sometimes to the extreme that they are in life-threatening situations or are imprisoned. Most people wouldn’t guess that some of them used to be heavily involved in their church(es), regularly attending bible study and singing as part of the praise and worship team. They’re just lost. And without the Lord, who among us wouldn’t be?

When I look at my own life, I thank and praise God for the gift of this community. It is within CFC-Youth that I first met the Lord and He used this community to relentlessly pursue me. Without this community, street life would undoubtedly be my lifestyle as well. And as cliche as it may sound: through the grace of God, I was saved. When I look at our youth, I realize that they too could have easily been caught up in it. And  the reality is that, for some, it may actually be at this current moment, whether or not they’re ready to approach us about it.

The death of my friend was like a huge blow to my stomach. I realized the severity of our calling to evangelize, serve, and love the youth. More importantly, I realized that the Lord asks us to introduce Christ to them daily. If you ever second guess whether or not you should pick up that phone at 2 am, pick up the phone. If you ever question whether or not you should pick up a youth during the late hours of the night in strange neighbourhoods, pick them up. If ever a youth shares with you his/her struggle, struggle with them in faithful prayer and Love. And if somebody tries telling you that serving our God through this community or the church is a waste of time, look them in the eye and say from the depths of your heart with love, “this mission is real.”

Lord, You know how hard it was for me to write this. Thank You for courage and love to share this part of my life. I pray that we as your servants may empty ourselves daily and allow You to dwell within us so that all those we meet may encounter You instead. Lord, when the going gets tough, may Your love carry us through. Through the unceasing intercession of Mama Mary, may we foster  a relationship and environment among the youth you have entrusted to us that they may always be directed to You. Regardless of whatever may happen or whatever they may do, may we Love them for the sons/daughters that they are, just as you love us and them.

For the soul of my dear friend, may he find eternal rest in Your embrace. 

For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and the whole world.

Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, Have mercy on us.

Amen.

Everyone has that one song that just relates to them. May it be something upbeat like house music (which I really enjoy dancing to) or something slow and mellow (like in times when I am feeling lonely… haha). There will always be a time for me when I have that song that I have to listen to music. Sometimes it speaks the words of my heart, when I cannot think of the words to speak.

I like reflecting on the songs that catch the attention of my heart. There are times when I pray about these songs to see if this is what God wants me to hear right now. The most recent song that has caught my attention was a song that I heard at my friend’s wedding reception.

“Love Never Fails” – Brandon Heath

I have never heard this song before and when I was listening to it then, I just remember thinking that it was an awesome song.

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

This song is based off of 1 Corinthians 13 and I am sure that all of you know this verse if you are reading this, but if you do not know this bible passage, it helps define what love is and what it is not.

Ever since I have felt and known the love of the Lord, I have always wanted to share that love with others. This song was a good reminder of how to be the loving person that I am called to be.

To be an advocate of love, is to be an advocate of Christ.

When I was at mass this past Sunday, there were so many things that were on my mind, but the biggest thing that came up in my prayer was the word adoration.

Adoration is love in its simplest form. Jesus, being held up high, for all His adorers to just come and simply love. In this day in age, the word love has been misused in every way possible, and I hope that by living out my call as a son of God the world may see love in a different way. The way it is meant to be known. And that way is through Christ.

I know that there are a lot of different genres of music out there, and that all types of music speak to all types of people, but I believe there is always a message that the Lord is trying to convey to us. We are just not listening or we are just afraid to be vulnerable and to respond to this love that is being offered to us.

Praise God that he speaks to me in the music I listen to, but he speaks louder to me in adoration. I hope that all who read this may go to adoration once this month. If it’s your first time going to adoration go with a friend and have them explain what they do. You will come to realize that everyone experiences the Lord in their own way, and eventually you will have your own way as well.

The Lord just wants to have a personal relationship with you. He’s just waiting for you to want a relationship with Him.

Lord, continue to speak to us even when we’re not listening and allow us to respond to your love every time you call.

Jesus answered them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, you seek Me not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves.’ – John 6:26

I have only found meaning and purpose in my life when I started loving Jesus back. He was always the one that took the backseat in my life. I was scared to disappoint the world because the world can be unforgiving. I know that Jesus would love me no matter what.

But love isn’t one-sided.

He shouldn’t be the only one hurting. I should be aching, longing, thirsting, yearning, and ceaselessly reaching for Him. It’s so easy to take the Lord for granted. It’s so easy for my frailty to take advantage of His strength. And what’s unbelievable is that He allows me to. He gave me the freedom to choose Him or not, to follow Him or not. He is so willing to get hurt by allowing me to make mistakes so that I may realize that truly a life without Him is an empty life. He puts Himself on the line. He gambles so much, while I stay on the safe side, governed by comfort.

Yet everyday He renews me.

He takes my heart, cleanses it and gives it back to me saying, “Go Genny, go out into the world and love Me. The world will taint your heart and you will allow it but nothing will ever stop Me from waiting for you. I made you for Myself and you will always come to Me. Don’t get tired of coming home. Allow Me to fill you again.”

When I say “yes” a challenge is given to me. Be it a friend, household head, a new job or even pursuing a new career. Although the service may be specific to me I will always need help. Always. Just like mother Mary when she said yes she did not bear her mission alone. She had Joseph with her and she probably sought encouragement, comfort and prayers from Elizabeth when visiting her. Just like Mary I understand how I have survived seemingly impossible situations… With the help of God and with the help of others. How can I rely on only myself when the Lord has given others around me with greater capabilities and faith to help me? How can I be so selfish to withhold the Christ in them that is crying out to help me? I will always need support, I will always need guidance, and I will most definitely always need prayers.

Father grant me the humility and grace to ask for prayers.

Totus tuus

Matthew 5:37 “Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no.”

This was the passage that caught my attention when we had our lectio divina at our previous household last Friday. This was actually not a part of the passage that we talked about, but for some reason, I randomly opened my Bible to this gospel and saw this verse. As I was reflecting on it, I asked myself a question,

What does it really mean to say yes?

Last night, I was talking to my counterpart. We were talking about some song promotions and the conversation went to songs that he has covered and posted on-line. He then shared a link to me of the song he covered a long time ago called “Absolutely” by Starfield. The chorus goes something like this…

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love

Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You

As I was listening to the song… the line “All of me surrenders” caught my attention. Then I remembered the question that I asked myself.

What does it mean to say yes?

A yes is not just an answer, but a commitment.

At Almighty 2012 Conference, God revealed to me something that I would never forget. Let’s just say that that conference set my heart on fire. After that Conference, I decided to just keep saying YES to the Lord. It’s almost about two years now, and looking back, I realized something, that with every yes comes a bigger responsibility (I know….Spiderman-ish..LOL), but it’s true.

Since Almighty 2012 Conference, my life has been very different. When you say yes, it doesn’t mean that everything’s going to be okay and it’s going to be easy; in fact, it gets harder every single time. But the funny thing is, when you start saying yes to the Lord, it feels like you don’t want to ever stop anymore because of how beautiful each yes has been. It is through our YESs that we witness God’s love, and there’s nothing more beautiful than witnessing this and being a witness of this to other people as well.

A couple of hours ago, I was asking a brother about a service for an upcoming event. It was a very short conversation but he shared something beautiful to me. He said…

“You know what, we just had a camp last weekend, and heading to the camp, I was really hoping to be part of Music Ministry, but instead, I was asked to be a facilitator. I didn’t mind it and I said yes. Then now, I am hearing this from you, and I am so amazed by how great our God works, that He indeed has better plans for us, we just have to keep saying yes to Him.”

This is such a great reminder and affirmation from God that if we say yes to Him, He will reveal something greater to us. His desires for us are far greater than our desires for ourselves. I know it’s scary to just keep saying yes to Him, but it’s all worth it.

A YES means a lot more than a YES. A YES is FALLING ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE with Him. A YES is a FULL SURRENDER to Him. A YES is seeing and accepting that He has a plan for you, a GREATER PLAN for you. A YES is putting your FULL TRUST in HIM. A YES is a WORK IN PROGRESS.

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love

Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You

All I am is Yours, only Yours.

Let my yes mean yes. Amen.

Praise the Lord!

With all the things I know, there is one thing I’ve recently come to understand… though we try to understand and explain God logically, it never completely suffices because God is not just logical; He is Spiritual.

There are only so many things the human mind and heart can comprehend, but when it comes to God, His voice become strongest when I don’t try to understand solely with my all my mind (which is probably why I get headaches when over-analyzing), but with ALL my heart and with ALL my soul. I think that’s why the journey to truly find Him and seek Him above all else can be so challenging…because we’re made to feel the need to just understand, but in my recent experiences, He has challenged me to focus on using “all” my heart and mind to have faith in Him, alone.

There were times where I’ve thought so hard about what I wanted that I was beginning to forget to hang on to the source of divine peace in my life. I was seeking selfish ways of being pursued by my desires and brought less focus to my prayer time as if I could keep a “prayer credit” for the things I had begun to ask for. I was asking, but I was slowly beginning to forget to seek.and because I couldn’t bring myself to seek, I was beginning afraid to knock. But praise the Lord – our God is a loving God Who when we are silent, His voice becomes loud and He never stops waiting for even the most faint knock.

He had spoken so loudly in silence, and I had been speaking so loudly in my mind. But the silence was so much greater than the loudness of my heart and in that silence, I began to understand that what my mind cannot see and comprehend is something Unexpected and Inexplicable… but It brings a calming peace to my heart, and it reaches deeply into my soul.

Now that I am getting back on my feet, acknowledging all things in my life and not mere compartments, I have honestly never felt life feel more real… at the end of the day, missionary or not, the fact is: I AM HUMAN. Another fact is: I AM ALSO A CHILD OF GOD. As the human child needs and seeks his or her father, the divine part of my being turns that desire to a need and seeking for my heavenly Father.

As a human being, I cannot help but have these moments and times of imperfection. But as a child of God, I can be led closer and closer to my Father Who is perfect through even the tiniest step in asking, seeking, and knocking and opening the doors to what is Good. Missionary or not, evil exists, temptations exist, trials exist.Nevertheless, behind all of that is something that can be good, ALWAYS, and that is what I pay to strive for… not to be perfect, but to simply be good…

I used to panic and be so frustrated when I couldn’t completely analyze and understand something. And it wasn’t until recently that I felt that again. But as I began to get back on my feet and muddle up the courage to turn to Him FIRST above all, I began to come back to the feeling of peace I had come to know within the past year. When I don’t understand, I am at peace. In fact, I am excited.

When I don’t completely comprehend what is before me, I can feel glad because it is yet another opportunity to let His grace fall upon my heart. I have faith that my heavenly Father is always listening. And if He is a Father Who never stops listening, then He is also a Father Who never stops working, for what father can turn away when their child is fervently seeking his help? If my earthly father knows not how to turn away, then how much more for my Father in heaven? It is in this understanding that although God is spiritual, what is spiritual becomes divinely logical.

“Even to your old age I am He,
and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
I will carry and will save.”

(Isaiah 46: 4)

AMDG.
In patience,
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us,
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.

Amen.

As I start off this week (although I know yesterday, Sunday, is the beginning of the week), I look back at the weekend that just passed, as well as the past couple of weeks, and I say .. The Lord is good, He is Great, He is truly Amazing.  Many times I tend to forget that we are to live victoriously in the Lord, in His Grace, His Mercy, and His Great Love.  Many times, I catch and find myself focusing on the wrong things, my mind being entangled in negative thoughts and feelings.  Yet I realize that the Lord wants us to focus on Him, He wants me to look to Him always, to hear His still voice deep within my heart, which continually calls me by name.  This is His Great Love for me, for all of us.  He calls us to that quiet place, where we hear His voice, calling us all by name.  He reminds me to focus on Him, to think of Him, amidst the roaring waves of doubt, fears, negativity.  He calls me to rise above and turn my thoughts towards Him.  I thank God truly for His grace and His love, as He reminds me that He is FOR ME, and not against me.

My Lord and my God, my Father in Heaven, my Daddy, I’m sorry for the many times I have failed to focus and keep my eyes on You.  I ask for Your Grace, Mercy, and Love, to sustain me in times of weakness, to sustain me in times of struggle.  Be my strength oh Lord, be my guide, my Light, my everything.  Thank You Jesus, AMEN.

“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”

Philippians 4:6-7

“Finally, beloved,whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in Me, and the God of peace will be with you”

Philippians 4:8-9