True North Missionaries Journal

It’s not all about making yourself suffer but being open to every moment of blessings.

This past month, I’ve been blessed to encounter a family away from home. What do I mean by that?
I’ve always thought that if I’m comfortable or it’s an idea that brings comfort, then I should avoid it or find ways to make myself uncomfortable (because if I’m too comfortable it might become a vacation rather than mission po hehe). Especially in my provincial immersion in the first few days when they offered to sleep in the air conditioned room, I would say “it’s ok po you don’t need to”. While sharing and processing with a full time worker in the area, she reminded me that as a missionary you don’t always have to avoid good things because those are blessings. They are blessings that the family wants to share with you po. As missionaries, it’s not about making yourself ‘suffer’ or making sure you’re not getting the greatest treatment but just to have a grateful heart. Be grateful for everything that is shared with you (food, home, family, etc.) and in return be a blessing and give all that you can in return (time, a listening ear, sharings, jokes, talents etc.).

Also I was reminded that every home or family you enter becomes a family away from home (comfort to the heart). It is the blessing of this community, where ever you go there is a home away from home and I thank and praise God for that. I miss my family but The Lord has His ways to fill the home sickness through the people I’ve met these 3 months po hehe.

Lord, thank you for the blessings and love that we don’t ask for but you know we need. Continuously mould our hearts into a grateful one and use us as vessels of Your love and blessing to those we meet and into the houses we enter. Amen.

Lately, I have been listening to the song “Christ is Enough” by HIllsong Live. The message of the song is just so beautiful, especially in what I have experienced and what I am experiencing right now.

I have decided to follow Jesus

No turning back

No turning back

It’s been about 3 months and 20 days since I joined (handing in my essay, etc.) the MV program. I would say that on February 10, 2014 at around 12:10 am, I decided to follow Him. Since then, my life has been so different. There were so many things that I did not expect to happen, things that I do not want to happen, things that I hoped to happen but did not, and things that happened which I hoped to happen. My schedule got more hectic. I had more responsibilities. In fact, there were so many times already when I asked myself why I am even in this program. And the answer? I don’t know. All I know is that I want to keep pursuing Him. Yes sometimes I question myself, but at the end of the day, no matter how much I do ask these questions, He still affirms me of the calling, no matter how big or small the affirmation is. One thing I realized is that when I doubt myself, it means I am putting my trust on my own strength and capabilities, because if I trust Him, I can never have doubts. But no matter how much I doubt, He is always there to affirm me. Praise God for all of these because this keeps me going, knowing that at the centre of all of these is Him, who provides me love, joy, and strength. To be honest, I have never been happier than this before. Yes, it is tiring sometimes, but it is funny because once you said yes, you can never stop; you can never turn back; you just want to keep going, to keep pursuing Him.

The cross before me

The world behind me

No turning back

No turning back

Often times, when you ask people what’s the first thing that they associate with the cross, they say pain and suffering, but in reality it is sacrifice and love. The cross symbolizes God’s love and the beauty of sacrifice. He is calling each and every single one of us to embrace the cross before us, leaving the world behind us, sacrificing everything to show to the world God’s love. This is what it means to follow Him; it is to leave everything behind, including ourselves. We need to give everything up so He can fill us. How can we be filled with His love and grace when we are full of all our earthly desires? Jesus gave everything up for God’s love to be shared to the world. I believe this is what He is calling us to, to embrace our crosses; not to suffer in pain, but to suffer out of love. Let us embrace our crosses and be the symbol of God’s love to the world.

Christ is enough for me

Christ is enough for me

Everything I need is in You

Everything I need

Is Christ really enough for us? We often say this, but do we really mean it? In our society today, I know it is hard for us to fully say this without the “ifs and buts.” What does it mean to fully surrender ourselves to Him, to fully trust that He is all that we need? When we say we are giving up everything, do we really mean everything? Since I joined this program, I feel like I have been continuously tested on trusting in Him and being able to give up everything in Him. There were so many times already when I feel like I have given everything but He is asking for more, He wanted me to give more; literally to give everything that I have. It is very hard. I feel like sometimes I can’t even do it, but when I get to give up everything, He gives me everything too; in fact, more than everything. I am reminded of a story about Jesus and a little kid holding a small teddy bear. Jesus was asking the kid to give Him the little teddy bear. The kid without knowing that behind Jesus was a bigger teddy bear, refused to do so. This is what we often not see, that if we give up everything to Him, He will show His greater plans for us. All we have to do is to give our all, until nothing’s left of us, so He can fill us and reveal to us His plans.

Lord, please help me to fully surrender everything to You. Allow me to have the courage to follow you, carrying and embracing my cross and leaving the world behind. You are all I want and You are all I need. If I am face with doubts, allow me to put my trust in You for I can never doubt you. Let Your will be done. Amen.

I had this conversation with a fellow missionary and we were sharing about how we’ve survive this far. ( Actually in reality we are not just surviving, we are in fact thriving in the joy of the Lord.) That I can say for sure! 🙂 Why? How can we be happy in the midst difficulties? Difficulties are everywhere, the important thing is we find what kind of life we want to live.

I think missionaries are happy because they found what they wanted. I think, other people who are also working in other ways can be happy too if they find there work as the path God wants them to be.

Another thing, what I found in mission is that we can be in desolation ourselves but can still be joyful because we find our consolation in the joy of others. We rejoice of others joy and that is enough consolation for us.

Lastly, our joy are grounded in our faith in Christ, so things can be fleeting but we can be joyful because His is eternal.

 

 

I remember myself before joining the community.

I really didn’t know myself and in a way I had no identity. I really didn’t stand for anything and was oblivious to what being a child of God meant. This gradually changed as I journeyed with the Lord with the community.

Praise God because now I stand for something and I’m even known as a lot of things. In the GTA I’m known as the love guru, #guardyourheart guy, the book, and six packs (I don’t actually have six packs) to name a few.

Although I’m known as a lot of things I often ponder on what identity the Lord has revealed to me and more importantly what He has called me to do. Who am I? What is the lord calling me to do?

I firmly believe that the Lord made me to be a lover and in doing so continually calls me to love. Now before anyone tells me to guard my heart I want to put this statement in a proper context. I am talking about the genuine love that can only be found in Christ. The love which is our true heart’s desire. The Love who is our God.

I say this because God is the Love which excites me, the love that allows me to dream and hope for greater things. The Lord has given me the identity of a romantic who thirsts to be an active part of the greatest love story ever told. I have found this love in serving the Lord and others through the community.

I was told by a brother that it seemed as if I was living my missionary life to the fullest. I replied that there is no other way to live it and that it’s such a blessing to be a missionary. There are many hopeless romantics out there that can only imagine the love that is out of their grasp. I am blessed because Jesus has made me a hopeful romantic, allowing me to live out the love that I have hoped for every day of my life, knowing that in continuing my pursuit of Christ no matter what my vocation might be it can lead to true love which is infallible intimacy with God.

To someone who doesn’t know the love of God suffering in the service of others is crazy and doesn’t make sense; however, for those that do know the love of God to suffer in the service of others and further more to be joyful in that suffering is the most sensible and logical thing.

So yes who I am is a hopeful romantic who seeks God through deepening my faith and acting upon the love that God has showed me.

I feel most fully alive when serving others and this is the love that the Lord has revealed to me. So when someone asks me why I am a missionary the answer is very simple.

“It’s who I am because I am loved”.

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to have my prayer dates outside. But now that the summer season has quickly approached, I thought it’d be a good day to try. I opened the front door to test the weather and sadly, it was cold. (BRIGHT AND SHINY SUN, WHY DO YOU DECEIVE ME?! HAHA!) For some reason, I decided to check out the balcony, which was on the same side, but on a different level as the front porch. I opened the door, and it was cold. So I figured it just wasn’t time yet. As I was settling in at the dining table staring out through the backyard door, I felt moved to still give it a third try. As I stepped outside, the sun shone more brightly and it was followed by the heat of the sun, and a light and cool breeze! So to my excitement, I quickly brought all my books out and sat on the deck at the back. THANK YOU, LORD; YOU ALWAYS PROVIDE!

As I began to settle in, thanking Him for making something so simple, so possible for me, I began to take note of other things…

The silhouette of the Niagara Escarpment at a distance from where I sat,
The sound of baby birds chirping in their nests on the rooftops of the houses,
Which quickly escalated into hearing the different species of birds chirping in tandem,
Then I was beginning to find some kind of peace in hearing all the children play around at school for recess, enjoying the break of summer,
And the cars, trucks, and buses that passed by seemed to come in perfect timing, adding some kind of awkward beat that just seemed to work with everything else I was hearing!

They were all things that have always been there, but in that moment, I was hearing it all in perfect harmony. It was as if God had prepared me an orchestra in nature of literally everything!

That’s when I realized what it was all about. YES, IT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE. The warmth of the sun, despite of the coolness of the 2/3 times I’ve tried it out, the birds, the children, the cars, buses, trucks… EVERYTHING HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE. Nothing really dramatically changed or what not. But in the same way I had to go to my backyard to experience and realize it all, it doesn’t always take some sort of dramatic change to realize something great – it just takes a different angle in that same exact moment;  A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE.

 

 

Isn’t it curious that one can feel alone even whist in a crowded room? And more-so, a relational antonym — that which exists only within the context of a given relationship — for feeling alone, would be that of feeling loved. Funny.

The ambiguity of language is what enables a wide range of thought, and rather unfortunately by consequence, can — but not necessarily does — limit how we process emotion.

– –

Black and white, from sea to sky, alone and loved.

The beauty of language and its ability to have a hand in our emotions can be attributed largely in part to the result of having defined opposites. White is not simply “not-black”, which reinforces the beauty of a relationship, and for the sake of my argument, the beauty of antonyms. The existence of one cannot be fully appreciated without affirming the value of the other.

Just because I may feel alone, I cannot, and will not, be defined as “not-loved”.

– Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”

I am affirmed and convicted of the calling the Lord has given every Mission Volunteer.

That the calling to give it all, and give it our all is what the Lord has planned for me.

This MV Shout has once again confirmed the overwhelming presence of the Lord in my life. That the Lord was teaching me this weekend that He continues to call, even in silence…even in the quietest moments. How beautiful it was to find peace, yet in all the loudness and joy of every worship, every prayer, there was an even more overwhelming peace.

I have so much to say about this weekend, but there is literally, SO MUCH. Schedule a one on one with me if you’d like!

Lord, I offer you my life. Take over.

Deo Gloria