I once wondered why there were no (or very sparse, if any) teachings in Youth for Christ (YFC) about romantic love, relationships, Theology of the Body, etc. The answer at the time didn’t do it for me: young people are not supposed to prioritize a relationship. Through my many one-on-ones and just simply seeing how the youth of today are, it was evident that whether we supported relationships or not, they were bound to happen, and why not better equip them as they face the inevitable?
But now, just having passed my mid-twenties, I can truly say that being single was the best gift I could have given myself. Wait no, it was one of the best gifts God could have given me, and it was a blessing that I was able to recognize this when I did. To be completely content on your own, you are more able to grow in love. Period. In love for yourself, in love for others, in love with new hobbies, in love for service, and most of all, in love with God. It sounds incredibly cliché, I know… But the period of being single gives your heart a different sort of freedom, and you are more able to stretch towards the sun and grow. You will build a foundation for yourself so that when you do find that person, at the right time, you can honestly say that your happiness will never depend on them. That your happiness had never depended on a blank space next to your name, filled in by whoever gave you butterflies in that moment.
The time you are single is a gift, and this isn’t coming from someone who is disillusioned and never felt the pangs of young love. Of course I did, but I also know that when I did, I was unprepared and in the end, spent much more time licking my wounds. When you’re in that state, it’s really hard to honestly say that you’re looking outwards at the world with a heart full of love.
Being in a relationship now, I am more able to say (to my – I really don’t want to say “boyfriend” because really, he’s so much more than that, and God’s gift sounds too cheesy for me, but yeah, him) that I spent my time, living fully, loving God, accepting myself… and that when he had asked to court me, I knew deep inside, that there were no wounds that needed healing, no fragments of my heart that he would be helping glue back together. And this. This is the state you need to be in in order to grow. There were no roots still in the soil that needed uprooting; I had tended and weeded and made sure to layer compost… you get it. Our hearts were in the state they needed to be.
It is because of this that I can call him my other whole. I told him a few weeks back that I will never need him to complete me; that’s God’s job. I came to him a complete person. And how much more romantic is it to be able to tell someone that, in our wholeness we love them? Not out of dependence, or as a needed distraction, or because of momentary happiness, attraction or excitement. It is my prayer that we can all continue to ask our Beloved Mother to guide our hearts so that we may seek to be filled with His love alone. It is in this way that we can truly magnify He who loves us best.
God bless you!