I’ve lost it.
Somewhere in the last few months I’ve changed. Now, I don’t consider change in and of itself to be an inherently good OR bad thing, but this most recent internal change has probably been for the worse (for lack of a more appropriate, less subjective word). My circumstance has changed, and as a result, so have I.
I need to find it.
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Over the past few months I’ve sort of been left to my own devices. Hannah, my girlfriend of 9 years has moved to Vancouver for the mission, and I’ve fully transitioned into the SFC ministry, which means that I don’t see my main circle of friends from the CFC-Youth Area Core as often as I was used to. As a result of both of these major changes in my life, my prayer life has taken a severe hit.
Without being constantly surrounded by the individuals that I’ve journeyed with for the past few years, I’ve found myself standing in still waters. Ambiguity aside, I basically haven’t been seeking the Lord as actively as I could have been. I feel like I’m not being challenged.
I miss having good ol’ fashioned God talks. Random conversations that lead to sharing about how the Lord reaches out to us personally, it means the most hearing these stories from the people I love.
So as luck would have it, today, one of my oldest friends in the community, Ellish Maigue-Talacca (one of True North’s newest Full-Time Pastoral Workers) called me randomly while she was in a McDonalds and we ended up having a good talk for about 2 hours, the entire time we spoke I felt at home.
Even though Ellish is currently in Vancouver and I’m home in Montreal, I experienced the joys of the community expressed through the simple act of conversation. Ellish was able to challenge me because I invited the Lord into that conversation, and after hearing Ellish recount her adventures of Full-Time training in the Philippines and other random anecdotes, I was once again filled with inspiration and hope that this community will continue to challenge me as a man of God, regardless of circumstance.
I’ve lost my goodness, but I trust that the Lord will help me find it in this community.
– Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”
Thanks so much for this article! I felt the exact same way but a simple lunch with a friend really went a long way. Also I find that going for confession/talking to a priest helps. They always have practical steps that can help achieve goals especially when we struggle with prayer. The best way for my spirits to be uplifted is Holy Communion or Adoration.