There’s nothing like a desk job to confirm that… I don’t want a desk job.
It’s funny because I’m actually writing this from my desk at work. I’m on contract with Natural Resources Canada as a Linguistic Coordinator (I basically process translation and edit requests, and deal with the bulk of the finances regarding these requests), and although it might (sort of?) sound fancy, it really isn’t. Because I’m on contract, I get about half the wage that I would if I was to hold this position permanently, so that being said, I don’t get paid much. I’m thankful for this, because I can see how such a menial job can become enticing.
My contract for this position was initially one month, and month by month, it kept getting renewed. I had first accepted this job because I wanted something short-term before my family goes on their month long roadtrip through the states, but this evidently wasn’t the case.
My coworkers are wonderful and funny people. The office has a picturesque view of Ottawa from the 16th floor. I keep getting told that this will look great on my resume (throwing in fancy words such as “expenditures,” “liaison,” “validate financial documentation”). But I look around at all these people and wonder… this can’t really be it. Working for the government means that you have financial security; it also means you get a pretty sweet pension when you retire. But I can’t ever see myself working like this day in and day out, just waiting for that precious two weeks of vacation, and then retirement.
In highschool, I knew I wanted to go into Psychology. I wanted to work with children with special needs and pursued this as I entered university. As God would have it (not luck or fate) I ended up volunteering at the courthouse for the Elizabeth Fry Society whose mandate is to provide support to criminalized women in need. After a couple court accompaniments and cellblock visits, I felt a tug at my heart, and all of a sudden my steering wheel started to turn and I found myself looking at Social Work and potentially working with at-risk youth and women.
As I’ve grown older, and the task of working with marginalized populations proved to be much (much) more difficult than I had originally thought, I hold fast to the calling in my heart… This yearning to help others.
And I sit here blinking at this document, displaying itself on one of my two screens on my office desk, and I know that this can’t be it. Not for me. I’m not knocking my fellow office mates (as they are wonderful people, like I said), nor this position… I guess, just for me, ChrisAnn, I know this isn’t it. And I guess as irrational, and at times unrealistic as it may seem, I’ve always thought of myself as one who wants more than just “financial security.”
There will be many voices (some loud, some discouraging), many detours, potential failures, unexpected challenges, but in the thick of it all, what is that voice in your heart telling you? I guess I entered the MV program in hopes that this voice would be magnified and be made clearer.
Lord, where do you want me? And we must believe that the Lord wants us, and will thus support us, where we are the happiest and feel most fulfilled. And for that Lord, we praise You and we thank You.