(June 16, 2016)
How many times have you lost an item and you tried your best to retrieve it? Looked for at least more than a week, even turned your house upside down but still no trace of it. How many times you almost gone crazy remembering where or how you lost it? Happened to me A LOT of times!!! Not that I suffer from a short-term memory loss like Dory, I’m just simply forgetful or if you ask my mom I’m careless (Hi mom!). Well, the latest item that I “lost” was my Pandora bracelet. I treasure this bracelet for several reasons but with cold sweat and wide eyes I thoroughly searched for it, asked people if they had seen it during and after ReCon, checked all my bags and possible pockets; but nothing. I gave up. Tried my best to stay calm and to just let go. Made myself believe that in time I will be able to save up and replace it. For at least 2 weeks, tried not to think about it or even get upset about it. I tell my self every night, “It’s just a bracelet Gem! Chill!”
On the 3rd week after I gave up searching, just out of the blue, I found it inside my backpack for work. I honestly had searched this bag already, even turned it upside down, but amazingly it was there. From them on, I took extra care of it and made sure I remember where I placed it. All of a sudden, it seemed like its worth is now more than ever. Though, it is usually like that! Right?? When you finally stopped searching; accepted that it is untimely gone, and mustered all your strength to let go, then it will suddenly reveal itself. Out of the nowhere, it will just be there waving at you and saying “Hi! Remember me?” and with all mixed emotions, you treasure it more than you used to. With that said, this whole pandora-bracelet incident left me reflecting on some things.
Whenever we feel lost, or abandoned, be reminded of how we feel when we lose something important. When the search drives us crazy and makes us feel hopeless, it is almost the same process we undergo when we lose ourselves. It makes us irrational most of the time, for we don’t know where to go or what to do next. We are empty but at the same time prideful, we don’t want others to know what we are going through, or worse we are afraid to admit to ourselves that we need help. We keep our guards up and seclude ourselves. We are afraid. We are vulnerable. It takes a lot of courage to admit that we failed, that we are broken and empty. But we have to. We have to surrender.
Because not until we humble ourselves and embrace our brokenness that we will eventually find our way; our way back to the Lord. Not until we empty ourselves, our hearts and mind, and accepted the Holy Spirit to pour and fill up all the voids, not until then we will find ourselves whole again.
Our God is merciful and just. That has been replaying in my head every time I question myself, every time I doubt myself if I am worthy enough to be loved. As we ask for mercy, believe that He will deliver us from all our sins; and be reminded that He is just; only He has the ability to see the depths of our hearts, He shall forgive if we only ask. Do not be afraid of the consequences you have to face, accept it, for it came from our Lord. And everything that comes from our Lord is out of love, believe that in the end of our suffering, there’s something greater waiting for us.
“The God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory through Christ [Jesus] will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little.” (1 Peter 5:10, NABRE)
God allow us to suffer not because He doesn’t care or He had forsaken us, but because He doesn’t want to take away the free will and the essence of being a man that He gave us. He knows what is the best for us, but He wants us to learn on our own, and realize things in order to appreciate the love He is offering us. He is giving us so much grace that it is only up to us to ask and accept them. Everything is for free, all we need is to take one step closer and ask, and He will be there in the other end reaching out and giving us more than we asked for, in His own perfect time.
“God has made everything appropriate to its time, but has put the timeless into their hearts so they cannot find out, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NABRE)