I have been here in Malta for a month now, and the road to getting here was certainly not easy.
I had travelled alone before and I’ve always been quite comfortable doing so. In fact, my last trip alone was to South Korea, and I remember taking it as some time away just for me and Jesus. I would walk the streets, take a table for one, and it was only He and I; just us two. It was a point when I knew I would be leaving home and moving to Toronto, so I took the time away as a form of retreat. Retreat, in the sense of pulling back and reconvening with the One I answered to.
There was a moment before leaving for Malta where I was praying to Him. Preparing myself once more for a departure, and again this time for mission, but on a whole different scope. And in that moment of prayer, I saw myself sitting on a large, flat rock, looking at my phone and sighing, feeling that small tinge of loneliness, and as I sat there, I felt a hand cover my own. I looked to my side and there He was smiling warmly at me. In a way, I knew He was telling me, “You won’t be alone.”
Here in Malta, on Wednesday evenings, I’m usually on the other end of the island in a place called Xghajra (pronounced Shy-ra) for youth meetings. This was my first time commuting there, as usually I’m able to catch a ride there and back with our Missions Head, Deb and her father. This night, however, Deb was busy working on her thesis and I made the trek alone. Although it took about an hour and a half, it was relatively easy and I felt encouraged by finding my way there without a hitch. After the meeting, I agreed to grab dinner with the X-Youth leaders in hopes of getting to know them better, as I know we were still in this awkward phase of pleasantries. The dinner came a little late and I had to excuse myself early, realizing with a start, that I had missed my bus and had to run 10 minutes to another area in order to catch my next, and according to Google Maps, the last bus of the evening. Mind you, it was only nearing 10 o’clock so this was new for me.
I ran next to the sea; brisk, cold and pitch black, using my phone’s flashlight to make sure I wasn’t stepping on anything. I arrived at the small complex of buildings and with 3 minutes to spare, but I was confused as the spot I was standing was supposedly where the bus stop was, yet there was no sign of it in sight. With a panic, I picked up pace and circled to the other side of the building and made it back onto the main road. With a sigh of relief I saw the bus approaching, and although I realized I wasn’t standing at the bus stop, the bus was going at a slow enough pace and with no other cars in the vicinity, I knew it could easily stop and scoop me up. I waved and signaled to the driver that I wasn’t sure where the stop was, he looked at me and shrugged and just kept driving. I stood there at a loss, confused and feeling dejected. I walked to these large stone steps and sunk down and without even meaning to, I began to sob. I knew how simple it would have been for him to stop, how there was no one in the area – no car he would have been blocking… and I wondered if the driver knew that he would be my last bus home. It was dark, it was cold, and I looked at my phone and didn’t know what to do. Everyone just felt so far away.
And with that cold stone under my hand, this feeling of defeat, I felt a hand cover mine…