I was on my way home from CLP yesterday, and the song “Sinking Deep” by Hillsong Young and Free was playing in the car. It was the first time I’ve ever heard this song, but I felt like something’s very unique about it. At first, I thought it was just because of the song structure, but, actually, it was more than about that. So as soon as I got home, I decided to look up the lyrics to the song.
The second verse of the song goes something like this…
When I’m lost You pursue me
Lift my head to see Your glory
Lord of all
So beautiful
Here in You I find shelter
Captivated by the splendour
Of Your face
My secret place
Not a lot of people know about my, let’s just say “life story”. I was born in the Philippines and raised by my aunt because my parents were working in Saudi Arabia. I lived with my aunt in the Philippines for 16 years. Throughout those years, I saw my aunt as “my parents”, basically my second mom and dad. Last year, 2013, I was faced with a really tough obstacle. On June 2 of that year, I went back to the Philippines because my aunt was diagnosed with cancer. I arrived in the Philippines on June 4, and on the same day, I lost her. It was very hard. I was so hurt. At that time, I felt like I’ve fallen so hard; that, there’s no way for me to get back up. I felt so lost. I felt like I have nowhere to go, no one to lean on. But I was wrong. Definitely wrong.
When I’m lost You pursue me. Lift my head to see Your glory. During the funeral, I felt like I was mad towards everyone around me. I felt like it was so unfair that she had to experience it. I felt like she didn’t deserve it. I was so scared. I feared everything. I was hurt. I was in so much pain, that I was quite literally walking in darkness. But when I thought I was lost, He found me. He showed me that everything’s going to be okay. On the burial, a verse on her grave hit me so hard. It’s from Psalm 23:4
“But even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I fear no evil for You are with me.”
Yes, maybe I was lost, but He was with me all along. I found shelter in Him. I’ve fallen so hard, but He was there to lift me back up again. Up to this day, I am still hurt. I still feel lost. It’s never easy to just forget what happened, especially losing someone so dear to me, someone who basically meant “the world to me.” One of the last words my aunt told me was, “Masaya na akong makita ka. Tama na iyon.” (I’m happy to see you. That’s enough for me.) My presence was enough for her. Despite everything that she was feeling, my presence was enough. Even though she felt so lost and hurt, my presence was enough for her. If my presence was enough, His presence should be more than enough. This made me realize that even though I walk through darkness, His presence should be enough; for His presence is all that matters.
I felt lost, but He revealed to me that He is with me, His presence is enough. It may be hard, but I know I have to keep going. I know everything’s going to be eventually alright. I just have to put my whole trust in Him. He never promised us for our lives to be easy, but He did promise to be with us every step of the way. There are so many times when we feel this way. Often times, we will feel so lost, so alone, so scared, and so hurt. We tend to forget His promise, to be with us every step of the way. He was with us. He is with us. He will be with us.
This song just reminded me of how great His love is; how great His grace is; and that He is there all along. No matter how good or bad the past has been, He was there, with me; with us. No matter how much we are struggling in life at this very moment, He is with us. And no matter how uncertain the future may look like, He will be there for us. He loves us so much that He would always be there, may it be during struggles or victories. He is greater than anything else that we encounter. He is greater than our fears, struggles, and pains. He is always there for us, we just need to realize that. And when we do, everything will change. We will be able to overcome the things that we thought we can’t. With Him, nothing is impossible; and impossible is nothing.
He was with us. He is with us. He will be with us. Let us just trust in Him; everything’s gonna be okay.
“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before You as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder. For as in the day of Midian’s defeat, You have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor.” – Isaiah 9:1-4
Praise be to God!