I used to be a daddy’s girl. Or I guess, I still am, when I want to be at least. Growing up in my adolescent years, I have always been protected and taken care of very well by my dad. My dad is overly-protective, reserved, and can be very scary, especially when he gets angry. What dad doesn’t right? He is the type of dad that would call every hour asking where I was and what time I would be home. He is the type of dad that would not sleep at night until I had gotten home. Looking back at all of those years, I can clearly see that he loved me and cared for me. But why was it that, I could not see it at that time?
Although I claim myself to be a daddy’s girl, my relationship with my dad has never really been an open one. You see, my dad has bipolar disorder. And his mood swings tend to change all the time. He could be very joyful at some point and then very sad or angry the next. Because of his illness, I could never really joke around with him. I was afraid and very cautious of how I approached him. Especially, the times where I would ask permission to go somewhere. I would always try to catch him when he was in a good mood.
He actually was not diagnosed until late 2011 to early 2012. But because of knowing my dad’s attitude from an early age, my brothers and I just knew we had to keep in mind what we said and what we did when we were around him. And at some point, while growing up, I eventually started rebelling. Sometimes I would leave the house without telling him. And at other times, I would not ask for permission but rather, just tell him where I was going.
We have never really had any heart to hearts. And we have never actually prayed together. Sure we have said, I love you to each other but, that was when I was very young. The closest we have ever gotten to saying I love you now a days is through text. Never face to face or even on the phone. I have never really been the type to be open to him and vice versa. So in truth, we’re not close at all.
Not living with my dad has been very difficult. Not having a father figure in the house has definitely caused me to think twice about everything I do. From how I am to help raise my younger brothers to, how I am with my spending. Knowing that, there is no other adult in the house that can take care of us and help provide for us. Every family has issues right? My family issues just happened to get worse throughout the years and eventually, the only thing left to do was for my parents to separate.
So, as you can see. My relationship with my dad already seems hopeless enough, seeing is that, we live away from each other. It would take a miracle for our relationship to grow. Well actually, the Lord is really all that is needed. And maybe prayers here and there. Please pray for my family and I :).
During the Western MV shout, we were reflecting during one of the sessions which so happened to be about family. And basically, we had this activity and called our family afterwards. Praise God because, fortunately enough, my dad woke up from his nap and picked up the phone. Usually I would need to call him several times before he actually picks up. And most of the time, he just doesn’t pick up at all. Having gone to ICON and having not seen and talk to him for weeks, and maybe even a month now, I realized I had missed him a lot. I was so thankful that I was finally able to talk to him. With our greetings and checking up on each other, our conversation lasted for two mins. And in the end, he said happy birthday and I love you. This was the first time in a long time where, I actually felt the sincerity in his voice. I was brought to tears and became very overwhelmed.
Because of my stubborn and rebellious ways, I was not able to see clearly just how much my dad had loved me. The Lord revealed to me that, even with my stubborn and rebellious ways, my dad still loves me. And regardless of the issues in my family and the distance apart from each other, my dad will continue to love me no matter what. His love for me is constant just as the Father’s love for me is constant. Never faltering and never fading.
Lord, increase my capacity to love so that I may forgive with a gracious and accepting heart.
Mama Mary, intercede for me. Purify my hearts every desire so that they may be aligned with the Father’s will. By uniting myself with your most Immaculate heart, may I love more deeply like your Son.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
