The past two weeks has been very “intense.” Being at the homestretch of my degree, I had my research project paper due, had to prepare for my oral research presentation, a final exam to prepare for and a SFC CLP talk to prepare for all in one week. The SFC CLP talk was only made known to me 2 weeks prior. I could have said no having realized my schedule for the week leading to it but I said yes instead since the brother had discerned for me. The next week after the week of busy-ness, I wrote the last 2 final exams for my degree and now, I’m physically free from school (for now), haha.
Reflecting on the past two weeks, I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to accomplish those things. I thought I wouldn’t be able to finish my research project and paper. Around February, I had thoughts of giving up because my research was not making progress. I even said to myself that if I can’t finish this research, then I wouldn’t be able to graduate. It even got to a point where I asked myself how I would tell my parents if this happens. See I’m an overly overthinker, haha. One of my weaknesses is thinking without acting. I got really scared, still I didn’t do anything. Prayers and conversations to God were my only actions. It wasn’t around end of March to first week of April when I had to REALLY push myself to finish this project. The Lord already knows my weaknesses and He equipped me by sending people to be instruments of His love. A grad student in the lab where I was doing my research basically helped me with everything up to writing my paper. It was my supervisor who asked him to help me. Honestly without them, I wouldn’t finish this project. God’s love equips. See, aside from overthinking, I also pity myself a lot which leads to inactivity even more. But I have always believed that “God’s love is bigger than my struggles.” The week where I had to finish my paper, wrote a final, prepared for my research presentation and prepared for the SFC CLP talk, I was really stressed. But I realized in a deeper sense that God’s love equips no matter, that it’s not about us, it’s about God who provides, who loves. All these struggles pushed me to “love more” and although I failed, I know that His love will always accept and guide me to recognize Him in every moment in my life. Right now I’m still nervous about graduation because I don’t know if I will pass all my classes and especially my research project but His love is the greatest and so I fully trust in Him no matter what. He always has purpose for everything in my life and I can’t wait to see where He will lead me next.
