God is persistent

In the past weekend, Big Sky was blessed to be able to have another Entry Camp. I was tasked to handle Registration and help out with Music Ministry. But for some reason, walking into the camp, I felt a sense of unworthiness and I felt that I didn’t belong there. I was simply stubborn and I felt unworthy as a leader.

Yes, I haven’t been keeping up with my blogs. Yes, I haven’t been keeping up with my emails. Yes, I haven’t been keeping up with my one-on-one’s. Yes, I’ve missed a lot of camp meetings. Yes, I haven’t studied enough for the MV exam. In the past week, I’ve been feeling so inadequate as a brother/leader.

By the end of the camp, I was reminded that no matter how I feel and no matter how many shortcomings I have, I am already loved. I realized this through many brothers and sisters that I’ve encountered during the camp. As I kept telling myself how much I didn’t belong there, God would always bring someone to me, to affirm me not only in my service, but to affirm me that I am where I’m supposed to be. He was very persistent because I was very stubborn! He used MANY of my brothers and sisters to affirm me in some way. Here are a few examples:

Almost 3 years ago, in the very first youth camp that I facilitated, there were four brothers in my discussion group. John Laracas was a facilitator in the past weekend’s camp and John Arevalo visited the camp as a prayer warrior. Both of them (at different times during the camp) told me they still have the letters that I gave them during their own entry camp three years ago. They both said that they keep the letters close to them because it reminds them of their calling as God’s son. One of them actually told me how much of an inspiration I am to him.

I was also able to witness two of the brothers within my household serve. Oneal Marcelino served his first time as a facilitator and Vic Dela Torre was the camp servant. In the duration of the camp, both of them (at different times during the camp) thanked me for being there for them. Witnessing their growth up until the youth camp really affirms me that God really used me in their growth and that I myself am still growing as well.

My HSB counterpart and fellow MV, Ate Lara Suarez, was the assistant team leader for the camp. Initially, I was supposed to sleep at the campsite for the two nights, but I decided to just go home because I felt so out of place. She offered to pay for my registration fee in case I wanted to stay. This simple offer almost had me at tears. When I got home the first night, I was looking for my glasses, but instead I came across old SHouT letters. It’s so funny because the first letter I opened turned out to be Ate Lara’s from our last FHouT, expressing her excitement as my new counterpart and her promise to always affirm me as a brother.

Nearing the end of the camp, two sister leaders in HSB visited the camp for mass. After mass, we had the session with the parent’s. When the participants were praying over their parents, the HSB leaders present at the camp prayed over Ate Lara and I.
“God has given you to me, Ate Lara and Kuya Gyan…” 

I couldn’t help but feel soooooo loved. The sense of unworthiness and detachment became feelings of motivation and belonging. I knew that in that moment, that was where I was supposed to be.

In our stubbornness, Our God will continue to tug on our heartstrings, tap on our shoulders, and call our names until we realize what we’re failing to see. I was blinded by the mistakes I’ve made and I failed to see that despite the shortcomings I have, this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your persistent grace and relentless love.