I had the privilege of listening to a session given by one of the international council members of CFC, and as I listened to his session, I found myself being constantly reminded of my journey in this community.
This Tito (I don’t remember his name- please don’t kick me out of the MV program) spoke about the two primary motivations of service:
1. Commitment to service
2. Relationship with God
He explained that there is a tendency for those of us in the line of service to focus more on the work at the expense of our own relationship with the Lord – or even going as far as equating service to our relationship with God.
I personally know what it’s like to be “burnt-out.” I know what it’s like to constantly keep saying yes to service but never having any substance or desire behind that yes.
But when I look back on those days, I don’t think my service necessarily suffered from a lack of a relationship with God but from a very distorted perception of my relationship with him. Back then, service to me was ”His time” and my relationship with God was really the only time for me to “receive”. The fact that I felt this way made me think that I needed to constantly serve to be worthy of even receiving anything from the Lord, to the point that I had largely disregarded my own relationship with the Lord and labeled my service as being enough.
One thing that the Lord has taught me through this journey of discernment is that every encounter with the Lord is an exchange. No matter what, we are in a constant state of “giving” and “receiving” when we encounter the Lord. In every moment I spend with the Lord, be it service, prayer, or whatnot, the Lord is always eager to shower me with his infinite love and graces. In everything, the Lord asks us to give ourselves to him – even when we feel we have nothing to offer; even when all we have is our own existence and nothingness. It was only through embracing this that I was able to change the disposition of my heart from duty to desire for the Lord.
Even in those moments when I have nothing, I will continue to offer myself to the Lord in everything that I do. Because the Lord deserves everything <3
“…the people give time and they receive eternity; they give self-denial and receive life; they give nothingness and receive all.” – Bishop Fulton Sheen
WOOOOOOOOOO! Praise God! 😀