A few days ago my manager called me over and mentioned that she has been looking all over the store specifically for me. She then brought me to a deaf customer who needed some help learning how to send e-mails from her iPad. In our exchange this deaf woman communicated to me that her kids bought her this iPad so that they could video chat and email each other since her son lives in Australia and her daughter lives in Hungary. She was alone at the store, but at the end of our interaction she thanked me and gave me the biggest and most genuine smile I’ve seen in a while, because she now had hope and confidence in being able to reach her kids.
Every single day the Lord brings me to the verge of tears by exposing me to simple situations that hold so much emotional value. He is specific in what He wants me to witness.
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Over the past few months I’ve been preparing my heart for the possibility of leaving. Whenever I think about it my heart races.
The thought of being alone, the thought of not knowing where I am, the thought of not knowing where I’ll be tomorrow… is scary. But then I think to myself that comfort is only one tiny piece of what I’m capable of experiencing in the entirety of my human experience.
I think that to be fully human is to allow oneself to experience a wide range of joy, love, loss, fear, agony, loneliness… and hope. So why then would I put at stake my experience of being fully human just for a life of comfortably?
I’m going to leave. One way or another.
There is a greater breadth of emotion that awaits us if we let the Lord lead us to the verge of what we think we know about ourselves.
Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”