Author: Sab Espina

Thank you for being so willing to serve in the very many events that we have because as you have probably noticed by now, there are a lot. Despite the events coming one after the other, you serve with a joyful heart and you do what the role entails with much excellence. For your zeal to give it your all so that the members can have an amazing experience, I personally  am grateful.

I pray that you stay humble and remember that everything – your talents and the propensity you have towards certain skills  comes from the Lord. Accept your personal limitations and weaknesses but more importantly those of the people you’ll be working with. Sometimes no matter how much we envision something happening, things don’t go as planned. Even though we have weekly coordination meetings, unanticipated things occur. Don’t let those discourage you but rather lift them up to the Lord so that one day we may have the grace to understand as He does.

Get to know your service counterpart and your committee members because who knows when you’ll be able to work with them next. I truly believe the people He blesses us with at certain points in our lives are the people whom He knows will bring out our potential. They are the ones to make us discover things about ourselves and bring us closer to Him; even if it’s just for the five week period that we’re working with them.

May you always have the thirst to acquire new skills, improve your craft, and receive guidance. When you’re pro and you feel like you know the service role like the back of your hand, remember to pass the knowledge you have acquired to the younger ones. Be gentle with them as they learn just as how someone patiently taught you the hows, the whats, and the whys behind a particular role. Lastly, may you always remember to use the skills you have to glorify God whether it’s through events we have in the community or in your future workplaces.

As with everything, these things are easier said / written than done. But that’s why we’re all serving with one another – so that we may remind each other when we feel lost amidst the crazy timelines. 🙂

♥,

Sab

Today, I will submit two final papers: an 18 paged one regarding harm reduction, and a 10 paged one about family systems. Next Friday, I am scheduled to write my final exam. With these, my post graduate studies come to a close.

Ending is bittersweet – I loved my program. I learned not only from my instructors but also my classmates. Being in placement at a drop in centre mainly for the homeless has allowed me to interact with  the marginalized and those who are in the fringes of society. I was privileged enough to get to know them and their stories and without them knowing, has been used by the Lord to expand my heart a hundred times more.

As much as I enjoyed it, I’m happy it’s done. My parents are happy I’m finishing strong (LOL), and there’s just a sense of relief that I was able to submit all my requirements. But then with this ending comes the apprehension and doubt concerning the future. As scary as it is to think about and despite the unknowns and the hazy and limited view I have, I rest in the knowledge that the Lord knows where I will find ultimate happiness and He is guiding me towards that path.

We see the start but You see the end

We see in part but Your love sees everything

We plant the seeds but You make them grow

We’re building a house, You’re building a home

– Future Not My Own, Matt Maher

My friend was asking me for songs that are not necessarily Catholic in nature but can be interpreted as such. I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah, anyway… Here’s one I shared to him; one I really love as it reminds me of Mama Mary and how loving and gentle she is in her ways. 🙂

We don’t serve God to gain His acceptance; we are accepted so we serve God.

We don’t follow Him in order to be loved; we are loved so we follow Him.

– Neil T. Anderson

Three weeks ago, I did the Way of the Cross after X number of years of not doing it. As I was going through each station in meditation and prayer, I was reminded that although the  Lord gives us our own crosses to bear, He loves us too much just to leave us alone. While this is a given already, there are times when I question if He’s really there because I’m so engrossed in the things that weigh me down. When I’m in the thick of my problems, I fail to recognize Him and I  think that’s why He sends people I can talk to and interact with in His place to help me out.

He sends me my personal Simons of Cyrene to help me carry my burdens – whether it’s through the physical act of carrying something when transporting things to events, sharing in the work load to make it easier on me, or by listening to me and alleviating my concerns. These are also the people who make me smile and laugh and in that moment, make me forget what I’m going through. They are the people I can have fun with; those who distract me in a good way so that for a few minutes, I need not think of the things that make me worry.

He sends Veronicas to me too. While they do not my wipe my face literally, they do provide comfort and clarity amidst the confusion and doubt I face. These are the people I can talk to – those who give me advice and a new way of looking at what I’m  going through to give me hope instead of feeling despair. They are the ones who help me focus; those who centre me back on Christ again.

He also sends me people who show me that vulnerability is not frowned upon but rather, encouraged. Also known as the Weeping Women. They show me it’s okay to cry and that I don’t have to be tough all the time. Through these people, I’m reminded that there will be times in service / mission where it may be too much to handle. And when this happens, we need not keep it all to ourselves – we are free to tell another person so that they may comfort us. These are the people who may be going through even tougher times than I am and they show me that what I have on my plate is not so bad after all.

Similar to how Jesus encountered these people as He was carrying His cross, I don’t get them all at the same time. Truly the Lord knows who to send at the right time to comfort and help me. For them, I am grateful. My prayer is to make me (and everyone else) more attuned to these people so that I don’t have to go through everything by myself. The Lord is so great. Even when we think we’re alone and we forget that He’s always with us, He doesn’t leave us to our own sorrows. Rather, He sends tangible people – people we can touch and call and text to reaffirm us of the Lord’s love for us. 🙂

In mission and in service, we will be faced with plenty of things – more good, I’m certain, but there will be days when we may have to contend with the bad. What I mean by that are those times when we feel confused  and burdened and we lose sight of the reason why we’re serving and who we’re doing it for in the first place.

I read somewhere that the Lord never gives us anything less of Himself. And as hard as it is to believe, I do trust that those bad days are the Lord’s way of still giving Himself to us. What we perceive to be terrible times in mission or service can be His way of molding and refining us to become better people. By pushing us beyond what we think are our limits, He is able to make us stretch and in the process, grow. It may be Him instilling hope and patience in us – making us remember that He has control over everything and all we really have to do is trust in Him. Or perhaps it’s His way of making us remember that we are never alone in our service because once we’re past the bad and all we see are the good, we realize that He was with us all along.

As we receive, so we must thank.

So Lord, for wanting the best… the moon and stars for us, and for everything You give us despite our shortcomings, I am thankful. For the bad and the horrible things, I am grateful. Thank you for never abandoning us, for walking with us through everything, and for letting us emerge as stronger individuals.

Last Tuesday, I had an MRI scan. It’s not my first time so as I was waiting,  I already knew of the tight space I will be confined to as they scanned my body. While I’m not claustrophobic, it does make me feel uneasy. I knew that a needle would be poking my right arm the entire time and while I usually don’t mind, the fact that I can’t move coupled with the loud noise the MRI scanner makes throughout the process makes me feel twitchy and jittery. My parents were there when I first had the scan but they couldn’t take time off work this time so I had no one to talk to while I was waiting.

Along with all those feelings came self pity. I knew I shouldn’t indulge but it couldn’t be helped. I mean, an MRI is not something people do on a regular basis; ergo, having to go through the procedure means something is wrong with me. Couple that with being alone in the waiting room while everyone else had someone with them to hold their hand or talk to, I felt lonely and sad. I was on the verge of tearing up (LOL, I realize it sounds ridiculous and makes me look like a drama queen but I am not (: ) but because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, I started tinkering with my bag. Thankfully, I discovered I actually brought Son, the fourth book in The Giver series by Lois Lowry. 5 minutes in, I read the passage below:

“It’s a grievous wound. Someone tended it, stitched it up. There are the marks.”

“I know,” Claire whispered.

And that’s when it hit me. Even though I’m handling my situation better and I’m more grateful than burdened by it (as what I shared during liveloudTO2014), there are times when I would still feel hurt, and insecure, and sad about it…times when I would feel like it’s a stain I can never rub off. Although these moments or triggers (as I call it) are becoming rare, I realized it would be there forever. Like a scar. But that’s the thing about it being a scar; although it lingers, it means it’s healed.

May we always remember that the Lord is an even greater Healer than the deepest wounds we carry. Through His grace and love, we are able to mend but in order for Him to do so, we need to let Him in. Although the scars from our wounds will always be there, may we let it serve as a reminder of the things we had to endure and how far we’ve come. More than that,  may our scars serve as a testament to His love for us.

with this, may He be praised forever.